Who is being unreasonable?

He holds down a job so he’s functioning fairly well. He’s a grown adult. He understands and comprehends English. She has explained how she feels and what she needs. It’s his job to overcome any possible anxiety and be present for his wife on this special occasion. ND, SEN and anxiety are not excuses for being a dick.

I understand the pre-holiday push. My work can’t shift to someone else when I am gone. So when I am leaving for a bit, people above me tend to panic and get extra demanding.

I have never taken my laptop on holiday though. I draw the line there. DH does almost every time. Once he didn’t and something came up. He drove 6 hours round trip to the nearest place to buy one so he could do the required work. I wasn’t happy about, but I understood why he did it.

Blocking your husband is childish. You don’t have to sit around waiting for him, but you also shouldn’t make him worry about your safety.

He is totally unreasonable in doing this, My DH used to do similar with holidays but he was senior and it would be needed, he wouldn’t ruin things - would try to get it all done asap etc. I would get him to book two days off before you go and ban his laptop from coming, that’s if you choose to ever go away with him again, I don’t think you’ve over reacted at all and hopefully your reaction will help him to see how wrong he has been,

Does your husband have anxiety? Could he be SEN?

I ask because some people use work deadlines as a form of masking - the change of routine can be difficult so they lean into an activity that they ate comfortable with

What a load of weird responses. This behaviour is not ok OP. My ex was like this, always had something terribly important that he simply HAD to deal with right now, and didn't I understand that he was just trying to work to make our lives better. Except it was all a lie. He just preferred doing the work stuff, most of which was unnecessary bollocks, but stroked his ego. We've been divorced for a million years and he's spent those years telling our kids that they just need to give him an hour or ten just to let him finish this very important piece of work. Blah blah blah.
In what other ways does he treat you as a second class citizen op?

I would have done the same. And his gaslighting is infuriating.

You seem to be getting replies from egotistical people who feel attacked because they do the same to their families. Ignore them. This behaviour is rude and disrespectful. He has options for how to deal with this - has he explained why the workload increases? I can't see if he is self employed.. if not, why hasn't he asked for someone to cover him? Could it be self esteem? Is he worried he has nothing to say to you?

Really depends on exactly what he does. Sometimes if it's your code or something like that it can be really hard for someone to "cover".
Look he is absolutely in the wrong. Am not justifying his behaviour. I am merely saying that him not knowing it was going to be 20 mins isn't that unusual in IT.
OP has every right to be annoyed !

But he wasn't supposed to be working. If the company he works in is so rubbish that middle levels aren't covered when on holiday he should probably look for another job. IME IT is never left uncovered. He just wants to be a hero and avoid being there for his wife if this happens every time they go away. Once or twice, understandable. Every major holiday, not so much.

Yes. He is.

OP I have a hunch that if you read Its Not You by Dr Ramani (or listen) you might see some patterns that fit. He sounds so similar to my ex. But obviously I’ve only got this snap shot to go on. Listen to the first couple of chapters and you’ll soon know if it fits or not. If it fits that book will be a game changer. You’ll see things through new eyes.

You are nicer than me OP a holiday to celebrate 25 years of marriage ..just 3 days ..would be just us ..no distractions ..maybe he can’t managed the ‘permitted’ / ‘not permitted’ …ok not ok dichotomy

Whatever, a decent person should want to make it special

Tbf if he is in IT he probably couldn't say how long it would be if he was debugging something or trying to fix a code problem. It can take minutes or hours. That's par for the course

Nothing wrong with going out alone. Going out alone and cutting contact is daft.

Because it’s not all about them. Bloody male ego.

With this twunt, it’s all about keeping a colleague happy at work. Rather than annoy the colleague and so he can look good to them - ‘I worked on this during my holiday for you - I’m such a great guy’ - he’d rather ruin his wife’s holiday that she’s put so much thought into. I could cry for her. The more she shares the more I want to ring his bloody neck.

He's choosing to work on the holiday. They could have postponed it or cancelled, he chose not to. The OP is self employed. OP went out for the day without him, and had to block him because he kept contacting her while he was "working". He's an arse. His boss is nice.
I think some people are seeing a completely differently OP to the one I've been reading.

I hear you OP and you’re not being unreasonable. My ex was like this. Every time. Our final holiday together was a really expensive one to the Caribbean. I checked, double and triple checked the dates with him beforehand, to make sure they worked with his commitments. Then the day before we went he announced that he’d need to bring his laptop just to do a couple of hours to finish something off. Then it became these holiday dates that I insisted on. Ended up working all day every day, and making us all (young adult offspring too) get up at 7.30am so we could have breakfast together before he started work. Didn’t come on a single excursion. Then bitched about the kids coming when if they hadn’t been there I’d have had nobody to talk to for 2 weeks.
One day I walked past our balcony and he was sitting there reading on his kindle. Turns out the early starts were so that he could phone his girlfriend in a different time zone. Holidays are much better now. Don’t make someone a priority if they show you repeatedly that you’re not a priority to them

Well yes, so a junior person goes to their manager in January and says these 3 days in September are absolutely sacrosanct my 25 anniversary; my wife has put up with an awful lot from me working out of hours etc.., I will NOT be available from X to X date. Simple and completely legitimate

So the someone else depending on his work is more important to keep happy than his wife on a special anniversary when she has planned a really thoughtfully and special trip.

Sorry but… what a cunt.

Another with misogynistic language. OP calmly explains this has happened for 25 years and she has reached her limit

I wasn't always senior. And he's done it every time for 25 years. That's just avoidance.

He does it EVERY time. Thats not just bad luck.

So he sorts that with work well in advance and says these days are uncontactable …it’s absolutely basic stuff …you sort it at work to honour your wife

It’s much easier to push back on a deadline when you are senior than when you are junior.

I would probably have gone out without him as I wouldn’t see why I should sit in all day waiting and I’d rather go out and explore. I’d have said fine, call me when you’re done and I’ll let you know where I am so you can come and find me.

I wouldn’t have blocked him though. Mainly because I’m not a 14 year old drama queen.

actually wouldn’t even enter my head to block my husband!