Who is being unreasonable?

its not mandatory to read a full thread before replying is it

hope you feel better for being so rude towards someone for absolutely no reason.

Op already explained they are self employed so perhaps she’s not the one who’s struggling with understanding.

And the votes say she is correct. HE is being unreasonable.

Well you sound horrible egging him on and congratulating him for ruining his wife’s holiday. Probably one of the few times he’s even pretending to be available.

OP ignore all the stealth boasters desperately telling you how indispensable and important they are. And the hand maidens saying you should appreciate him and make sure the little cherub isn’t depressed.

In actual fact your husband is selfish and self absorbed. He hasn’t done anything to try and make the holiday special for you. He hasn’t tried to get up early to get the work done or say he’ll do a bit now and finish the rest after your lovely day out.

The fact he’s done this regularly and the deadlines ALWAYS come when holidays are planned is not a coincidence. I’m sorry he’s such a useless husband.

Every single word of this. I've never some across a woman who does it.

Maybe it needed to be done before.
No, he's rude. Yes, he may be busy with work but you either commit to a plan or you say 'sorry, can't go' rather than basically ignore the person you're supposed to be with.

How could he ring her? She blocked him.

If it was a man storming off and blocking his wife, it would be called stonewalling or silent treatment and people would saying it was abusive and to LTB.

@Peedoff26 do you work OP?

My ex-boss was like your H, worked a lot to meet deadlines and would work on holidays too. It used to drive his wife mad. He was senior and earned a very high salary, in fact so much that his wife didn’t have to work and had the life of riley. I used to tell him ‘well she can’t have it both ways!’.

Had you read the posts before replying you'd have seen that it's been going on for 25 long years.

I am laughing that people actually think it's a thing, especially because I really don't think they feel that way. They just have to say that to be able to put the boot into the OP's back.

@Peedoff26 Does he do this often or ONLY when there is a holiday like Christmas, or a trip away coming up?

He is being unreasonable in staying in a job he's not capable of. So many men seem to stretch beyond their capability and live a life of stress, short changing their families. It's not easy, because employers push and push, but if you find the right fit for your abilities life doesn't have to be this hard.
He's also extremely unreasonable if the problem was fixed after 20 minutes in not calling you and arranging to meet you.

Breadwinner is such a prissy, old fashioned term to use

He has ruined what should have been such a special time for you as a couple and seems to have no regrets. His lack of concern at spending so much time working while you had plans made to revisit your wedding of 25 years ago must be really upsetting.

He seems to have little or no awareness of what a special time this should have been for you both. That would have me questioning the whole relationship and his commitment to it. He is not being respectful or showing care for the hurt he has caused.
Incidentally, what was he doing while you were posting here?

Yes, breadwinner. I am the breadwinner in my family. Works and self-employed can mean all sorts of things - what I meant is who is carrying the financial burden, who is the breadwinner. As a breadwinner, you can be under all sorts of stress without realising it.

I would have divorced this twat years ago. Or probably never married him.

I'm self employed. I look at emails once a day when on vacation. 99.9% get a bounce back email telling them I am on vacation until X and to contact me after that date. I have only ever taken a laptop on work trips (eg academic conferences).

Even smart phones can be forgotten (you took another phone) on charge, in another room. poor reception or you don't have a roaming app.If people cannot reach you then they will somehow have to get of their asses and muddle through themselves.

On two occasions (both pre mobiles) I have gone out of contact with family members to "teach them a lesson", One was for 24 hours. One was 3 weeks.

Its called tough love.

OP has already said that no he is not self employed and yes she does work.

RTFT

From your own description he hasn’t worked most of it.

is he self employed ? Do you work?

if you don’t work then maybe try and appreciate how hard working he is & that if he didn’t bother you wouldn’t be on the holiday.

maybe he does struggle to let go of work and have down time. Maybe he is worried about having convo with you/spending a long amount of time with you that he uses work to try and make it less awkward for him.

bit more communication really. Also I hope you aren’t abroad, because blocking him is not wise in the event something happens to one of you when apart.

We all have to work our butts off to leave things so we can go on leave. Many times Ive had to do a little cover whilst on leave - no ideal, but it happens.

I appreciate it can be frustrating. Id suggest next time to book the holiday but start it a day earlier. That first day he can finish his work, the rest of the time you can enjoy yourselves. Don't kick him for being consciencious. It doesnt sound like he does it on purpose, though you may well think he does.

But as others have said many times it depends on his job and what he earns whether this is reasonable. You’ve said “wage” which makes me think he’s not that well paid (but I appreciate that’s an old fashioned distinction wage vs salary). My dh works on every holiday but we work around it and I used to work in his industry so I get it. He earns mid six figures and it’s what pays for the nice holidays. If he earnt under - say - £150k (and wasn’t gunning for a promotion) I’d enforce clearer boundaries on holiday.

Breadwinner? What is this? The 1950s?

OP has already said that she works and is self employed

Why bother even asking who's unreasonable? Clearly you don't feel you've done anything wrong and he is the unreasonable one... No matter what anyone says!!

Just rant away instead of trying to justify your behaviour.

Is he the only breadwinner? If he is, he may be under a lot of stress? Is he constantly under the shadow of being sacked? I mean, if this is a pattern?

But that is because you are normal.

OP you are quite right to be both annoyed and upset. I cannot believe the number of people on here defending your DH!

It was a special anniversary trip and he has behaved as if you are an irrelevance, an inconvenience and like he really doesn't give a shit about you.

If this type of inconsiderate behaviour only happens during the lead up to and on holidays, then I'd just never go on holiday with him again. If it extends into everyday life I'd be seriously reconsidering my marriage.