Partner and close female friend

It seemed that SHE was doing these things though not him.

And who decides what's " inappropriate" anyway? This is the whole point He might NOT find it inappropriate. If the new partner does then she has a choice to leave

100% this. I would never stay with a man who thought it was appropriate to touch and fondle and stroke any female friend he has, when he is in a relationship with me!

IDGAF if they have been friends for many years. @coalbucketblues as has been said, you deserve better. I would throw this one back.

I thought as much!

I think that in combination with telling you as he left that he wanted to think about it, and give you some space, he's sending a fairly strong message there about where he's at with this. That was him taking some space from you.

I would urge you not to be floored if this chat this afternoon doesn't go the way you'd like it to.

Yes, he sounds uncaring and egotistical. Sadly OP I think this one needs to go.

He should keep the touching and the nose to nose and intense gazing for his partner. They are inappropriate for a platonic friendship, especially when already in a relationship.

@coalbucketblues Men's sympathy rarely stretches beyond their own interests. He's more than happy to have this woman crawling all over him like a rash. Boosts his male ego doesn't it, and she's giving him hope that one day he will crack open her knickers. Of course he fucking well knows that you (or any other new love interest) is going to be pissed off about it. Either that or he's got a staggeringly low IQ. What did he tell you his divorce was about?

That’s what he’s telling you. She’s clearly desperate to have a relationship with him. Your DP needs to tell her to back off. If not, I’d be gone.

I think you ANBU to be uncomfortable about it - she is telegraphing that she is interested in more (and poss doing it for your attention to make clear to you that she considers hi ‘hers); but you are BU if you stay with him. It’s clear that he enjoys her contact and their relationship even if he ‘says’ he is not interested in her romantically, his body language, his comfort with her intimacy, evidences the opposite. As others say, you can’t ask him to stop being friends with her (that would BU), but you can recognise this for what it is: an emotional affair of sorts that would likely flourish if she ever ended her unhappy marriage - and you chose not to invest your time and emotion in pursuing a relationship with him.

I’d walk away now.

If her marriage problems meant she's willing to cheat (or is already non-monogamous) and he's only been with your for eight months, then I'd think that they would have got together already (before he was with you) if they were both interested. But in any case, if the close physical contact is initiated by her, then the real benchmark of whether she's crossing a line with him would be how SHE interacts with other old, close friends and not how he does. It's not reasonable to ask him to stop seeing her altogether (and he'd be an arse if he agreed), but is there anything short of that that would make you more comfortable? E.g., do you want him to tell her that he wants to keep more a physical distance from her in public now that he's in a relationship, and if necessary to keep reminding her of this since it seems to be a habit already? And as he seems to have thought the contact was OK until you brought it up, would he understand what to ask her to stop doing?

She is not your partner's responsibility though. I will ask again, is he so touchy-feely and affectionate with his male friends? if not, why not?

If it’s all perfectly innocent, I don’t see the problem with him asking her to quit all the touchy-feely behaviour as it’s inappropriate/disrespectful to his new relationship. I’m surprised you didn’t take the opportunity to ask the other women there if they had any thoughts about her comportment…

I wouldn’t tolerate this either. I wouldn’t be asking him to choose between us though, if he didn’t make changes after I had expressed that I was unhappy I would be gone, and he wouldn’t get a choice about that.

You should’ve gone to the Event!!!! You made the evening so much better for her, and I bet she coped her feels. If he wouldn’t say anything, I would say something to her, Something along the lines of, ‘ You’re married, aren’t you?‘ She would reply, yes, Then I would say something like ‘that’s so interesting, As a married woman, why do you think it’s okay to be touching up my partner?’.
I’d probably have a drink or two in Me before I said this lol, but I would confront it somehow.

Exactly. I feel that he is one of these men who 'just can't help it if he gets on so well with women.' 🙄 Not realising (possibly not caring) that he is upsetting his partner/wife.... He needs to stop all of this, tell his female 'friend' to back off as he is in a relationship, and give her a wide berth for a while until she gets the message.

Have you asked him outright if he has slept with her?

I don’t buy his ‘innocence’ I’m afraid. He either knows and wants to carry on or - if he really doesn’t see this behaviour as inappropriate- then he won’t change and this dance will continue. Plus this makes him dense, which is not attractive.

The correct answer would have been “I’ve been so used to it I lost perspective but you’re right it’s not appropriate and I’ll stop it now’l

I don't think I'm the one who has them luv. You assumed I am the woman the OP is on about, even though my posts clearly show I am against what she is doing. And you are the only one being hostile ... You started on me for no reason whatsoever...

I'm not speaking to you anymore. You are clearly spoiling for an argument. Go have it with someone else.

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Ah ok. You have comprehension difficulties. That often leads to hostility toward others.

What are you talking about? 😂 I am clearly being sarcastic. Of course I am not the woman the OP is talking about! 😆

Anyway, didn't you just say it was a normal close friendship? (The OP's partner and his female friend touching and feeling each other all the time!) Make your mind up!

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Are you the woman op is talking about, or someone completely different, with a different set of friendships?! Irrelevant much?