Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to question preschool after inconsistent explanation for toddler's scratch?

211 replies

Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 18:16

Just need to advice on steps to take:
My toddler just recently got enrolled at a preschool and I’ve been really optimistic about it. We did the usual enrolment stuff and even attended a settling in session with her (parents were invited to see the setting and see a little bit of free play etc) and it was all fine. Fast forward to her first ever day at the setting and of course I had the usual parental jitters at leaving my toddler but I got over it quickly. I then get updated on the preschool parent app around lunch time that my toddler was basically accidentally “scratched” by an “adult”. The description was incredibly vague and basically says that she “moved and walked into an adult”. This already made no sense. I waited until collection time to briefly ask what happened and to also see the actual “mark” before decided how to proceed; and the staff member gave me a slightly different account saying that they were lining the kids up to wash their hands before lunch and my toddler turned around and “someone” (yes she used the word “someone” scratched her face. As it was pick up time and we all know how busy it gets I just nodded and she then added “everything is on the app in the report”, almost like she’s ushering me on my way. When we got home and saw the mark on her face, it was a small superficial mark showing some redness where the minor bleeding must have happened. I’m very concerned because I don’t understand how on her first day she’s been injured by an adult and the explanation is not adding up. My husband is fuming and I’m concerned he may try to cause a scene when we try to get a more thorough explanation of who this adult is and how my child ended up “walking” into her nail(s). At the moment I’m not comfortable sending her back. Even if it was a complete accident as I completely understand nurseries and preschools can have situations like this but the explanation doesn’t add up. Should I wait to hear a more thorough explanation or remove her from the setting? What if it was a genuine mistake?😭

OP posts:
FirmSnake · 07/09/2026 20:51

Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 20:49

What I’m trying to say is I understand accidents happen obviously but what happened to taking due diligence? It’s important to try to be careful and risk assessments exist for a reason - like when I referred to accidentally scratching my own kid, I ensured my nails remained short and not sharp to ensure it wouldn’t ever happen again at least as far as I could manage it. This whole normalisation of kids going to school and getting scratched, bumps, knocks and all sorts is fair but please don’t try to make it seem like it’s perfectly fine to constantly deal with and we should just expect and accept it as a “part and parcel” of nursery.

Show quote history

It is part and parcel of going to nursery. It is part and parcel of having a small child. You do know this because you have scratched your child yourself.

Original poster
Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 20:50

PJ98 · 07/09/2026 20:49

No, I just read your OP which said "small superficial mark" but obviously you want this to be more so good luck with that.

Enjoy tomorrow morning at nursery complaining about this 😂

Show quote history

Is this some type of joke to you or something?

OP posts:
Original poster
Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 20:49

Moonnstarz · 07/09/2026 19:48

You're saying you get this but then go on to say we don't ever accidentally injure the kids.
Accidents are just that, unplanned. I doubt the examples this poster gives were done intentionally and you can see the list earlier where I have put similar about standing on fingers and so on.
I think it's quite easy for things to happen that aren't expected. If it was something big that happened then they would have spoken to you about it in detail (I had forgotten but we also had a flip chart fall on a child and the teacher spoke to the parents at the end of the day alongside giving them the accident form).

Edited
Show quote history

What I’m trying to say is I understand accidents happen obviously but what happened to taking due diligence? It’s important to try to be careful and risk assessments exist for a reason - like when I referred to accidentally scratching my own kid, I ensured my nails remained short and not sharp to ensure it wouldn’t ever happen again at least as far as I could manage it. This whole normalisation of kids going to school and getting scratched, bumps, knocks and all sorts is fair but please don’t try to make it seem like it’s perfectly fine to constantly deal with and we should just expect and accept it as a “part and parcel” of nursery.

OP posts:
PJ98 · 07/09/2026 20:49

Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 20:44

Have you seen it yourself?

Show quote history

No, I just read your OP which said "small superficial mark" but obviously you want this to be more so good luck with that.

Enjoy tomorrow morning at nursery complaining about this 😂

FirmSnake · 07/09/2026 20:47

Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 20:44

Have you seen it yourself?

Show quote history

In your own words "it was a small superficial mark"... and you didn't even see it until you got home!
If it's actually a massive gash, then I suggest you update your OP so people can make informed judgements.

GinaandGin · 07/09/2026 20:46

You are being very defensive OP
you came on here asking for advice
You have been given advice
And you are challenging it and getting upset with posters because they are not agreeing with you

Original poster
Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 20:44

Parker231 · 07/09/2026 19:54

Your child hasn’t been injured - it’s a scratch

Show quote history

Have you seen it yourself?

OP posts:
Tralalalala88 · 07/09/2026 20:44

Your husband sounds awful. If he is “fuming “ over this he has a long road ahead of him .

knelson · 07/09/2026 20:42

Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 19:01

Well, that’s the thing, I’m not implying anything happened because I wasn’t there so I don’t know. They said she “moved” and walked into an adult’s nail or something. I certainly don’t believe it was deliberate.

Show quote history

So...... what is there to question? If they say it was an accident and you believe it was an accident..... what else is there to talk to them about? Why are you spending so much energy obsessing over the supposed inconsistencies of what they told you over such a small scratch that you believe was an accident? What more do you want them to tell you? Why is your husband wanting to go make a scene over something that you believe was an accident?

You both sound exhausting.

Snoken · 07/09/2026 20:34

Biscuitlady1 · 07/09/2026 20:22

People are conflating OP's husband's response with OP's. OP is anxious not fuming.

Show quote history

To be so anxious about this that she doesn’t want her going back to nursery is also dramatic. It’s not healthy for parents or children when parents overreact the way they are doing. Life is full of tiny blips. You just get on with it.

knelson · 07/09/2026 20:34

Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 18:16

Just need to advice on steps to take:
My toddler just recently got enrolled at a preschool and I’ve been really optimistic about it. We did the usual enrolment stuff and even attended a settling in session with her (parents were invited to see the setting and see a little bit of free play etc) and it was all fine. Fast forward to her first ever day at the setting and of course I had the usual parental jitters at leaving my toddler but I got over it quickly. I then get updated on the preschool parent app around lunch time that my toddler was basically accidentally “scratched” by an “adult”. The description was incredibly vague and basically says that she “moved and walked into an adult”. This already made no sense. I waited until collection time to briefly ask what happened and to also see the actual “mark” before decided how to proceed; and the staff member gave me a slightly different account saying that they were lining the kids up to wash their hands before lunch and my toddler turned around and “someone” (yes she used the word “someone” scratched her face. As it was pick up time and we all know how busy it gets I just nodded and she then added “everything is on the app in the report”, almost like she’s ushering me on my way. When we got home and saw the mark on her face, it was a small superficial mark showing some redness where the minor bleeding must have happened. I’m very concerned because I don’t understand how on her first day she’s been injured by an adult and the explanation is not adding up. My husband is fuming and I’m concerned he may try to cause a scene when we try to get a more thorough explanation of who this adult is and how my child ended up “walking” into her nail(s). At the moment I’m not comfortable sending her back. Even if it was a complete accident as I completely understand nurseries and preschools can have situations like this but the explanation doesn’t add up. Should I wait to hear a more thorough explanation or remove her from the setting? What if it was a genuine mistake?😭

If it was a major injury than maybe this reaction would be reasonable but since it's so minor and small it definitely feels like you're both overreacting. It's highly likely that they really don't know what happened and that's why the stories don't add up. I doubt they're trying to hide anything. They have so many kids to watch and stuff like this is bound to happen and the teachers may not always know how or have many more details to give you. The teacher you asked probably didn't know more information and was trying to get all the kids home with their parents and that's why they rushed you out.

If your daughter seems fine and unbothered by it all I think it's best to just get over it and send her back. If she keeps getting hurt then maybe you might be justified in getting upset but honestly a little knick really isn't worth this much energy for you and your husband.

Portmore · 07/09/2026 20:27

Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 19:06

  1. can they explain how exactly my toddler got the mark on her face, as in, was she running and the adult’s hand happened to be in her direction? Did she simply turn and get scratched? What exactly caused her to get scratched?
  2. we got two different explanations - saying a toddler “walked into an adults nails” and another saying that she “turned around and *gestures what happened” is not the same.
if this had been made clear on the app then I really wouldn’t have been concerned.
Show quote history

They probably can't remember as it's so minor. They followed the correct safeguarding, documented it & communicated it to you.

Give it a year & you will dread the endless calls from the school asking you to pick them up for the most minor scrapes that the child doesn't even seem aware of.

Biscuitlady1 · 07/09/2026 20:22

Snoken · 07/09/2026 20:18

How is what OP wrote no drama?

My husband is fuming and I’m concerned he may try to cause a scene when we try to get a more thorough explanation of who this adult is and how my child ended up “walking” into her nail(s). At the moment I’m not comfortable sending her back.

All of this is completely over dramatic. A child moved and accidentally caught someone’s nail. OPs and her husband’s reactions to that are fully over the top.

Show quote history

People are conflating OP's husband's response with OP's. OP is anxious not fuming.

FirmSnake · 07/09/2026 20:21

Biscuitlady1 · 07/09/2026 20:10

There is no drama. OP isn't suggesting she's about to burn down the nursery.

I'm going to guess none of the Mumsnetters objecting to a mum's concern on this has ever asked their nursery how many Welfare Requirement Notices they have nor asked Ofsted for info on WRNs across nurseries. Ignorance is bliss on this one but I wouldn't advise it.

OP - on MN you'll be judged for being too concerned and judged for not being concerned enough. Follow your own instinct.

Show quote history

No sorry. This isn't motherly instinct. It's a fusspot looking for something to fuss amount. OP and her "fuming" DH will do their child more harm acting like this than a scratch will.

Biscuitlady1 · 07/09/2026 20:20

PJ98 · 07/09/2026 20:12

Her child was poked by a nail.

Show quote history

You're very confident in a third hand account from messages you've not seen and a conversation you've not heard about an incident you've not witnessed. More confident that the OP who has visited the nursery and met them and presumably done some research on them beforehand.

Not sure what the issue is in OP asking for a quick chat to the nursery about it. It would have been quicker and easier than reading MN posts which have largely been patronising, judgey and belittling.

Snoken · 07/09/2026 20:18

Biscuitlady1 · 07/09/2026 20:10

There is no drama. OP isn't suggesting she's about to burn down the nursery.

I'm going to guess none of the Mumsnetters objecting to a mum's concern on this has ever asked their nursery how many Welfare Requirement Notices they have nor asked Ofsted for info on WRNs across nurseries. Ignorance is bliss on this one but I wouldn't advise it.

OP - on MN you'll be judged for being too concerned and judged for not being concerned enough. Follow your own instinct.

Show quote history

How is what OP wrote no drama?

My husband is fuming and I’m concerned he may try to cause a scene when we try to get a more thorough explanation of who this adult is and how my child ended up “walking” into her nail(s). At the moment I’m not comfortable sending her back.

All of this is completely over dramatic. A child moved and accidentally caught someone’s nail. OPs and her husband’s reactions to that are fully over the top.

MsSquiz · 07/09/2026 20:18

You make no sense.
you understand that you have previously accidentally scratched your child and left a mark but cannot understand how exactly the same thing has happened elsewhere?

how will you react when she comes home with a bruise on her leg or somewhere, you haven’t been informed and she tells you she doesn’t know how she got it?

CurlewKate · 07/09/2026 20:14

Also-it may not have been a nail-she may have scratched herself on the grown up’s belt, or some sort of decoration on her clothes.

PJ98 · 07/09/2026 20:12

Biscuitlady1 · 07/09/2026 20:10

There is no drama. OP isn't suggesting she's about to burn down the nursery.

I'm going to guess none of the Mumsnetters objecting to a mum's concern on this has ever asked their nursery how many Welfare Requirement Notices they have nor asked Ofsted for info on WRNs across nurseries. Ignorance is bliss on this one but I wouldn't advise it.

OP - on MN you'll be judged for being too concerned and judged for not being concerned enough. Follow your own instinct.

Show quote history

Her child was poked by a nail.

2chocolateoranges · 07/09/2026 20:12

There should be an accident form that you needed to sign. The person whose nail your child walked into should have written the form explaining what happened. You will be able to read it.

i do think you are overreacting , you’ve admitted it’s a small scratch which you don’t believe was deliberate. End of.

please don’t be “that” parent. At my work we are dealing with 2 of those parents just now and it’s tiring!

Biscuitlady1 · 07/09/2026 20:10

FirmSnake · 07/09/2026 20:04

Child has accidentally collided with a staff members hand and has a little scratch. It has been explained via the app and in person. What further communication could possibly be needed? Don't feed into the drama.

Show quote history

There is no drama. OP isn't suggesting she's about to burn down the nursery.

I'm going to guess none of the Mumsnetters objecting to a mum's concern on this has ever asked their nursery how many Welfare Requirement Notices they have nor asked Ofsted for info on WRNs across nurseries. Ignorance is bliss on this one but I wouldn't advise it.

OP - on MN you'll be judged for being too concerned and judged for not being concerned enough. Follow your own instinct.

Lmnop22 · 07/09/2026 20:05

Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 19:06

  1. can they explain how exactly my toddler got the mark on her face, as in, was she running and the adult’s hand happened to be in her direction? Did she simply turn and get scratched? What exactly caused her to get scratched?
  2. we got two different explanations - saying a toddler “walked into an adults nails” and another saying that she “turned around and *gestures what happened” is not the same.
if this had been made clear on the app then I really wouldn’t have been concerned.
Show quote history

If you believe it wasn’t intentional who tf cares about the semantics of the description given at pick up vs the app? They’re largely the same, an adults nail caught your child by mistake as they moved in a way the adult didn’t anticipate.

I genuinely don’t understand the difference! It’s not like one person said she scratched herself and another account said an adult did it.

It’s a minor catch and an accident so please just don’t be “that mum” 😳

Biscuitlady1 · 07/09/2026 20:05

Nurseposter123 · 07/09/2026 20:02

Both my kids have been in nursery from 10 months to 4.

OP you must be aware these things happen. My two have been bitten and hit by other kids, my son fell off a stool and needed stitches (his key worker was devastated!) and my daughter dragged her hand across a wall which scabbed over on a walk.

I question these things, review the incident form and then move the hell on - kids get injured. Accidents happen.

"I question these things, review the incident form and then move the hell on - kids get injured. Accidents happen"
OP is questioning the thing. That's the stage she is at. I don't see a need for people to pile on to OP about it. Her child has only just started there - OP only has day 1 to go on.

FirmSnake · 07/09/2026 20:04

Biscuitlady1 · 07/09/2026 20:02

OP is asking a question because the explanation doesn't sit quite right with her. She isn't saying that the nursery staff are sharpening their nails to claw at the faces of the young. It may just be the way the info was communicated was poor.

Show quote history

Child has accidentally collided with a staff members hand and has a little scratch. It has been explained via the app and in person. What further communication could possibly be needed? Don't feed into the drama.

Traitorsclaudia · 07/09/2026 20:03

If this is how you react to an incredibly minor accident, I'd hate to see you deal with anything significant.