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Original poster

AIBU to question preschool after inconsistent explanation for toddler's scratch?

211 replies

Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 18:16

Just need to advice on steps to take:
My toddler just recently got enrolled at a preschool and I’ve been really optimistic about it. We did the usual enrolment stuff and even attended a settling in session with her (parents were invited to see the setting and see a little bit of free play etc) and it was all fine. Fast forward to her first ever day at the setting and of course I had the usual parental jitters at leaving my toddler but I got over it quickly. I then get updated on the preschool parent app around lunch time that my toddler was basically accidentally “scratched” by an “adult”. The description was incredibly vague and basically says that she “moved and walked into an adult”. This already made no sense. I waited until collection time to briefly ask what happened and to also see the actual “mark” before decided how to proceed; and the staff member gave me a slightly different account saying that they were lining the kids up to wash their hands before lunch and my toddler turned around and “someone” (yes she used the word “someone” scratched her face. As it was pick up time and we all know how busy it gets I just nodded and she then added “everything is on the app in the report”, almost like she’s ushering me on my way. When we got home and saw the mark on her face, it was a small superficial mark showing some redness where the minor bleeding must have happened. I’m very concerned because I don’t understand how on her first day she’s been injured by an adult and the explanation is not adding up. My husband is fuming and I’m concerned he may try to cause a scene when we try to get a more thorough explanation of who this adult is and how my child ended up “walking” into her nail(s). At the moment I’m not comfortable sending her back. Even if it was a complete accident as I completely understand nurseries and preschools can have situations like this but the explanation doesn’t add up. Should I wait to hear a more thorough explanation or remove her from the setting? What if it was a genuine mistake?😭

OP posts:
ifonlytheydlisten · 07/09/2026 23:43

Just wait till they get to reception. Or school nursery with forest school.

Randomness26 · 07/09/2026 23:35

Huge over reaction. It was probably just a finger nail caught her or something.
My ds walked into his keyworker as she turned around and it knocked him flying , he hit his head on the corner of a unit. Huge bruise and lump.
Accidents happen and his keyworker was so apologetic, called me and gave me the paperwork on collection to sign .
I wouldn't bat an eyelid over a teeny scratch.

Mammyloveswine · 07/09/2026 23:29

When I was teaching I once accidentally whacked a child in the face with a book bag giving them out at hometime and the child stood up unexpectedly during carpet-time 🙈 had no time to write an accident form so spoke to mam at pick up who was lovely! I did obviously complete the accident form afterwards

Original poster
Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 23:19

PJ98 · 07/09/2026 23:13

My husband is fuming and I’m concerned he may try to cause a scene when we try to get a more thorough explanation of who this adult is and how my child ended up “walking” into her nail(s). At the moment I’m not comfortable sending her back

Well you did say you thought he was going to literally go into nursery and cause a scene in your OP so don't be surprised when people... think that.

Yes, I understand how writing this may have put images into people’s heads of him storming into the setting violently, screaming at everyone and demanding answers etc. That’s not what I meant.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 23:17

Tiedbutchorestodo · 07/09/2026 23:14

It’s horrible the first few times your child gets a cut or bruise somewhere but you’re going to have to learn to let these go as part of childhood. My DDs have come home from nursery & school over the years with bite marks, an accidental sewing injury, a broken bone and sooooo many scrapes and bruises. Obviously I got explanations for the first 3 (and didn’t judge the setting on any of them) but (normal) bruises do regularly appear and I do just think “oh well that’s probably kids being clumsy”.

My DD10 never doesn’t have a bruise on her legs - she just like outdoor play and isn’t overly careful / bruises easily.

Yes I agree, I do have to learn to let these little incidents go, 100%.

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 07/09/2026 23:15

I was in a shopping centre and somehow my knee collided with a child's head.

It was a complete fluke, probably couldn't have done it on purpose if I tried a hundred times.

OP, these minor accidental things happen. Worse things will most likely happen too

My DS broke his arm in PE and on another occasion somehow managed to get a wasp trapped up the leg of his shorts while running around on the school field at lunchtime.

Tiedbutchorestodo · 07/09/2026 23:14

It’s horrible the first few times your child gets a cut or bruise somewhere but you’re going to have to learn to let these go as part of childhood. My DDs have come home from nursery & school over the years with bite marks, an accidental sewing injury, a broken bone and sooooo many scrapes and bruises. Obviously I got explanations for the first 3 (and didn’t judge the setting on any of them) but (normal) bruises do regularly appear and I do just think “oh well that’s probably kids being clumsy”.

My DD10 never doesn’t have a bruise on her legs - she just like outdoor play and isn’t overly careful / bruises easily.

PJ98 · 07/09/2026 23:13

My husband is fuming and I’m concerned he may try to cause a scene when we try to get a more thorough explanation of who this adult is and how my child ended up “walking” into her nail(s). At the moment I’m not comfortable sending her back

Well you did say you thought he was going to literally go into nursery and cause a scene in your OP so don't be surprised when people... think that.

Original poster
Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 23:06

MargeryBargery · 07/09/2026 22:53

What exactly do you want?
What do you want the nursery to do?

I don’t want anything. I was initially concerned about their explanation of how my child got a mark on their face, I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt of it just being a first time incident and moving on. I’m not looking to get the armed response team involved or start a campaign to get schools/nurseries up and down the nation closed. What’s happened is people have been triggered by a concerned mother and projected their own anger and confusion onto my post and drawn conclusions and deviated completely from the post itself and started talking about random things that really have no place here. They said it was accident, they reported it to me, I didn’t understand their explanation and felt concerned, they explained again at pick up - it still didn’t really sit well, I pondered a little but feel satisfied it’s nothing more than what they said or negligence etc (after continuing to observe my child). My husband isn’t going to storm in and flip tables, we’re not trying to destroy staff reputations, we don’t hate nurseries, we’re not on a secret campaign to get teachers to quit teaching, we are just concerned parents that is all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 22:58

gillyflower8 · 07/09/2026 22:53

I literally did this to my 4 year old tonight. She was in the way while I was trying to get her an ice pop out of the freezer and she didn’t have a top on as she’d taken it off to eat her (tomato based) dinner. As I tried to move her away from the freezer I accidentally caught her bare belly with my nails. She looked up at me woefully and said ‘why would you scratch me mummy?’ I felt terrible. But my point is, this stuff happens. Accidentally. All the time. Why would you or your dh be ‘fuming’? Are you implying an adult deliberately scratched your child? If not then, kindly, you need to give your head a wobble. These things happen especially in chaotic pre school settings.

You sharing this is not alarming because you explained how it happened. As I’d mentioned, it was the explanation that was poorly written and caused alarm. Not looking for an essay from the school or a lesson on semantics whenever there’s an issue.

OP posts:
Carouseloflife · 07/09/2026 22:55

I used to work in a nursery setting years ago and I’m sure that the staff member involved is mortified, I know I would have been. Accidents do happen, you could ask for a clearer explanation to put your mind at ease.

gillyflower8 · 07/09/2026 22:53

I literally did this to my 4 year old tonight. She was in the way while I was trying to get her an ice pop out of the freezer and she didn’t have a top on as she’d taken it off to eat her (tomato based) dinner. As I tried to move her away from the freezer I accidentally caught her bare belly with my nails. She looked up at me woefully and said ‘why would you scratch me mummy?’ I felt terrible. But my point is, this stuff happens. Accidentally. All the time. Why would you or your dh be ‘fuming’? Are you implying an adult deliberately scratched your child? If not then, kindly, you need to give your head a wobble. These things happen especially in chaotic pre school settings.

MargeryBargery · 07/09/2026 22:53

What exactly do you want?
What do you want the nursery to do?

Original poster
Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 22:46

Skatepark · 07/09/2026 22:37

I think that the best thing to do is to not send your child to a childcare setting as nobody is going to be able to match your expectations.

Plus it would do the preschool staff a favour not having to deal with treading on eggshells because of those expectations.

Yes, it’s a shame I have concern if my toddler had a mark on their face when I didn’t send them into school with one - it’s unthinkable that I didn’t immediately take the first explanation at face value and how dare I ever question anything I’m ever told by the staff - whatever they say is the truth and that’s that. It’s not my role to ever question them and if they say something happened in a particular way then I should simply forget about it and move on, never questioning a single thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 22:41

DooDallyHallie · 07/09/2026 22:37

Nails don't need yo be long or shsrp go cause a scratch.
It was your child that moved into the adults, not the other way round. Maybe you should be apologising for your kid headbutting their hand? 😜 😜

😂😂I thought I’d be annoyed at this comment but it made me laugh.

OP posts:
Skatepark · 07/09/2026 22:37

I think that the best thing to do is to not send your child to a childcare setting as nobody is going to be able to match your expectations.

Plus it would do the preschool staff a favour not having to deal with treading on eggshells because of those expectations.

DooDallyHallie · 07/09/2026 22:37

Nails don't need yo be long or shsrp go cause a scratch.
It was your child that moved into the adults, not the other way round. Maybe you should be apologising for your kid headbutting their hand? 😜 😜

Original poster
Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 22:32

Newstart3 · 07/09/2026 22:28

I think it's very normal to be concerned.amd it'snormal.for bumps.and scraps to happen at nursery. I think the issue is that it has happened on the 1st day. If you had them in nursery for a little while and you could see the pattern of it being not that regular and you were more comfortable with the setting and staff you might feel differently. I certainly would not take her out, it's too early of a judgement to make such a drastic move. Send her in, ask for more updates. Just say, since it's her first week please can you provide more frequent updates. Then review from there which may re.assue you a bit. The good news is they are following procedure and recording it all.

Yes that’s the plan - not going to take her out - I understand and give them the benefit of the doubt - I haven’t experienced anything like this before so I think that’s why it landed differently.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 22:31

PrincessOfPreschool · 07/09/2026 22:25

But burnout and bullying are not accidents, OP. I don't get the analogy.

I used that analogy with regards to a lot of the comments saying that bumps, bruises, knocks etc on your child is a normal part of nursery life. I’m not saying burnout/bullying is the same of accidents happening in a childcare setting - accidents in nursery are simply accidents but they should be explained clearly to avoid confusion and worry for the parent. It’s not as if you should just shrug your shoulders any time your child returns home with a bruise like “yeah, it’s just one of those things, ah well”.

OP posts:
Newstart3 · 07/09/2026 22:28

I think it's very normal to be concerned.amd it'snormal.for bumps.and scraps to happen at nursery. I think the issue is that it has happened on the 1st day. If you had them in nursery for a little while and you could see the pattern of it being not that regular and you were more comfortable with the setting and staff you might feel differently. I certainly would not take her out, it's too early of a judgement to make such a drastic move. Send her in, ask for more updates. Just say, since it's her first week please can you provide more frequent updates. Then review from there which may re.assue you a bit. The good news is they are following procedure and recording it all.

JustMeSimply · 07/09/2026 22:28

I'm guessing this is your first time, bumps ,scrapes, bruises of course they happen anyhow anywhere, actually half the time I've no idea probably bumping things during play aswell. Lost count of how many times me and one of the young ones have bumped heads or noses and bleeds have occurred totally by accident. It's life that's why accidents are called exactly that

Original poster
Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 22:27

HolyMoly24 · 07/09/2026 22:24

But it’s totally different. in both of those scenarios there are choices being made to act maliciously, to overwork yourself etc.

Accidents are…accidents! Unintentional. Sometimes there will be actions that can be put in place to prevent an accident like that happening again. Often there won’t be because it’s the nature of working with small children who don’t have very good coordination, spatial awareness etc. staff cannot possibly hover over every child to prevent them having accidents.

Show quote history

sigh as I said, my concern is not with the incident itself, it was that I didn’t initially understand the explanation of how it happened and it I didn’t make sense to me, that is all. My post was not about wanting a perfect nursery where toddlers don’t bump their heads or bash into eachother etc.

OP posts:
Catza · 07/09/2026 22:26

Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 22:15

Writing that stuff like that is part and parcel of going to nursery is like saying that bullying and burnout are part and parcel of being an employee of any type of workplace - do those things happen in workplaces? Absolutely. But should they be normalised and tolerated because it’s just one of those things? Thank you for all your views - this platform is not a place to judge or patronise people when they post genuine concerns - it is not a place to make conclusions of people’s character or other irrelevant comments.

There is a big difference between bullying and a minor scratch. I am not convinced a minor scratch in the workplace would warrant a record in the accident book and a call to next of kin with a lengthy report of how it happened and "lessons learned".
Accidents aren't normalised. You know when they were normalised? In the 80s, 90s, 00s... where there were no such things as parent apps, daily updates, risk assessments or accident logs. You dropped your child off and, hopefully, picked them up at the end of the day. And that was it.
I remember a child froze their tongue to the metal swing when I was in nursery. I can almost guarantee you that it did not start a forensic investigation. Staff splashed some warm water to detach the child from the metal frame, we carried on playing. Her parents collected her in the evening. End of story. THAT was normalising injury. What you are describing here is not.
You have nail vs child situation here which was logged and communicated immediately. If you want to pull your child out of nursery, that's your prerogative but let's not pretend this "incident" is in any way as serious as bullying.

PrincessOfPreschool · 07/09/2026 22:25

But burnout and bullying are not accidents, OP. I don't get the analogy.

HolyMoly24 · 07/09/2026 22:24

Roseypurple · 07/09/2026 22:15

Writing that stuff like that is part and parcel of going to nursery is like saying that bullying and burnout are part and parcel of being an employee of any type of workplace - do those things happen in workplaces? Absolutely. But should they be normalised and tolerated because it’s just one of those things? Thank you for all your views - this platform is not a place to judge or patronise people when they post genuine concerns - it is not a place to make conclusions of people’s character or other irrelevant comments.

But it’s totally different. in both of those scenarios there are choices being made to act maliciously, to overwork yourself etc.

Accidents are…accidents! Unintentional. Sometimes there will be actions that can be put in place to prevent an accident like that happening again. Often there won’t be because it’s the nature of working with small children who don’t have very good coordination, spatial awareness etc. staff cannot possibly hover over every child to prevent them having accidents.