AIBU to question preschool after inconsistent explanation for toddler's scratch?

I dislocated a child’s shoulder before and I felt terrible,he had fallen over and I gave him my hands to help him stand up but unbeknown to us he has a shoulder weakness as it had happened once before at home but the family hadn’t passed on the message.

i felt ill at the thought of innocently hurting a child while I was trying to help. His parents were so kind as it had happened when they had done the exact same hing but they thought it was just a one off.

Kindly, you need to calm down. And where’s the contradiction, your child bumped into an adult and got a scratch. My child gets scratches, bites, falls down and over stuff when at nursery…they’re children, these things happen.

The big difference is that bullying and burnout in the workplace are not accidents, whereas bumps, bruises and scrapes usually are, @Roseypurple. Children run around without looking where they are going and trip over, they catch themselves on things, they bump into each other or the staff.

Of course the staff should do what they can to prevent these accidents or lessen the impact of them - checking toys for sharp bits, trying to keep the floor clear of trip hazards, watching the children - but they cannot be wrapped in cotton wool. No child gets through childhood without some bruises and scrapes, unless they are never allowed to do anything - and that would be more damaging than a skinned knee, imo.

I raised three boys to adulthood, and I can assure you that they had their fair share of bumps, bruises, scrapes and fractures, and on plenty of occasions their dad and I could not have told you what had happened in minute detail, because we couldn’t have our eyes on three of them at the same time. Nursery workers are trying to supervise a number of children, and they can’t always be watching every child, so the explanation you got is probably the most detailed the staff member could make it. Better they are honest than that they make up details they don’t actually know.

Picture it - your hand is by your side and a child runs up to you and runs into your hand, while you are watching another child. You don’t see the incident, but feel the child run into you and see a small scratch on their face - that is all the detail the staff member will be able to give you.

I (accidentally) knocked a small child's tooth out once. She walked up behind me without me knowing as I was turning around and my laptop bag (over my shoulder) caught her mouth. It was already a wobbly tooth but there was blood and tears and I felt dreadful. I've also smacked a child in the face when we were doing PE and they pretty much walked into my outstretched hand. Again I felt dreadful. These things do happen as small children often don't have any concept of personal space! It's very easily done

With respect you're massively over reacting. I work with young children & have accidently scratched a child on the forehead before. I was ushering them out the front door & had my hand gently on their head, when I turned away to speak with another child the child who's head I had my hand on turned to the other child too & turned into my hand. They had a little red mark on their forehead where my nail slightly caught them, which Mum wasn't concerned about at all when I explained how it happened. Accidents happen so unless you have other major concerns about the preschool please try not to worry.

its a difficult job minding children and for very little money.

I think you’re overreacting sorry

Your kid coming back with accidental scratches and bruises I think is actually the sign of a good childcare setting. Children should be in places where they have accidents they lead to mild injuries (not breaks or scars - but minor risk assessed and ultimately safe but with a small amount of peril). It’s a really important part of learning and resilience and robustness in kids. That might include being in a scenario where they make contact with an adult and accidentally get scratched. That’s why it’s normalised.

The explanations are not inconsistent. I have long nails and DH has short nails, he’s accidentally scratched me many times when his nail has snagged or broken a little bit leaving a sharp edge. My long manicured gel nails are never scratchy because of the gel, but also aren’t really appropriate for a child care setting so it’s not an avoidable scenario.

It seems pretty conclusive that it’s not abusive, and you can be on higher alert for future injuries - but despite what you say here you are indeed forensically examining a minor incident with absolutely no benefit (if you get shown the CCTV and definitive truth, what does that even change).

My friend’s daughter had her arm broken when a nursery worker accidentally sat on it. A scratch is nothing. If you react like this to every scratch you’ll have a heart attack before she makes it to school.

The two explanations don’t seem inconsistent to me either. Just two different perspectives of the same event. If you make a big fuss you’ll mark yourself as ‘that parent’.

This.
Also nobody did this scratch to your child! Your dd moved herself ie by running/walking/turning onto the adults hand! The person responsible for the injury is your dc herself. Fingernails do not have to be long or sharp to cause an injury, it is the speed and angle of contact.

What is it that you are trying to establish exactly? What is your concern exactly? That it was done deliberately by an adult? That your child was dangerously unsupervised?
Personally I’d imagine it occurred as a result of normal toddler chaos. Presumably you thoroughly checked the nursery out when you chose it?

I understand what you’re asking, all you want to know is exactly how it happened, which is understandable as a parent.

Quite shocking that one poster said “does it matter”. Really!!!

I think being fuming is an over reaction tbh. I can see if you were very anxious about leaving DD and then she had an injury on her first day that might exacerbate any worries but I think the explanation sounds completely normal and wouldnt concern me. I might be misunderstanding but the two explanations seem to match up? I think it is vanishingly unlikely that adults are colluding to lie to you about a small scratch. I would try to let this one go and see how the next few weeks go. Im sure as you get to know the staff better and your DD settles in, you will be able to assess whether you trust the staff etc.

I hope if your ‘fuming’ husband ‘causes a scene’ that the staff call the police.

I think you should save the staff a lot of stress and remove your child immediately. I suggest that you or your fuming husband look after her instead . Obviously then your child will never ever have another accident.

I’d advise home school as kids comes home with bumps, scrapes, cuts, bruises and an entire range of things and you’re clearly not going to cope with that at all.

It is possible that the adult involved doesn’t know whether it was a ring or a fingernail that caused the scratch, @Roseypurple - hence the description not being as detailed as you want.

In all honesty, it is a really minor incident, which has caused no serious injury, and you were informed about it, albeit you are not happy with the amount of detail given, so I would advise you and your dh to take a moment, and to accept that a minor accident happened, and no further action is needed.

Hyper-focussing on minor incidents will simply make your experience of parenting a child through the school years incredibly stressful - you will find life much easier of you can have a sense of proportion about incidents that happen, and if you don’t overreact to really small issues.

I would be asking for all the staff to wear adult babygros lined in a double layer of kapok. Practical and attractive. Double win!

DS starred preschool just after he turned three. Often comes home with injuries which is in his nature. The descriptions are always a little
vague. I guess because they do so many forms. The only time I’ve ever had concern was when he had a really big bruise and scrape under his chin. He did it in a Wendy house, cried in there and didn’t tell an adult apparently (according to him). It was pretty big though. So I did mention it the next that I would have expected them to notice.

understandable to be concerned on first day but likely morning sinister. Just being busy. Probably ok going forward. Just keep an eye on it.

Honestly, if you send your child back to nursery provide a crash helmet and suit of armour! You are MASSIVELY over reacting as us your husband.

It is part and parcel because small children don't have the motor skills adults have, they are also small so not as easy to see, plus moves quickly and unpredictably. This is why small children hurt themselves over and over again, and this is why it's completely normal. It doesn't really matter if your child hurt themself on a table or a human in this case, becaues the human didn't set out to hurt your child.

I mean it’s quite self explanatory, she was accidentally caught with someone’s nail. There’s not a lot more they can say other than that.

I get that you’re a first time mum and it’s never nice when your kid comes home from any setting with an injury but believe me, this is a complete non issue and being ‘fuming’ over it is completely disproportionate.

Your 'concern' about the explanation is massively disproportionate, though.

It's a quick explanation of a kid bumping into someone and getting a tiny scratch, not the Iraq War inquiry. You are massively, massively overthinking it. The explanation doesn't have to be forensically detailed because it's such a minuscule incident. Everyone else involved, including your child, probably forgot all about it three seconds after reporting it and can't now even fully remember what happened because it was entirely insignificant.

Jesus. You both sound nutty. For everybody's sake keep her at home.

I think it not making sense to you is a reflection of your lack of critical thinking skills to be honest.

Staff don’t have time to write detailed explanations for every incident. It would mean there’s no time to spend with children supporting their learning. I don’t understand why ‘your child was accidentally scratched by an adult and caused a tiny mark’ isn’t enough. You either trust them to tell you the truth and look after your child or you don’t and therefore remove them from the setting.
I imagine your volunteering was probably sitting in a room listening to readers. A gentle task. If you had worked in a busy classroom with 30+ children then you wouldn’t even be asking this question.