AIBU to refuse Christmas visits because of the family dogs?

My family and friends are non-ridiculous too. The more posts on this topic I read, the more grateful I am for them.

I don’t need to pack my dogs off anywhere thankfully because I don’t have any ridiculous family members who would come to our house and complain that the dogs, who live there, are there.
My dogs are very well adjusted so don’t need training to be packed off anywhere, they just won’t be packed off as my family wouldn’t come over an expect that.

My comment was aimed at the poster who stated if one person doesn’t like dogs then the whole group should accept not having dogs there - that’s ridiculous. That person can just avoid the dogs easily, it’s not “hard” just stay out of their way and don’t engage. Well trained dogs know when someone isn’t interested and will leave them alone. I honesty can’t understand how dogs make people so unnecessarily angry. They are a huge part of many people’s life, being a lot of joy and are far less obnoxious than the vast majority of people.

They're all harmless and friendly, until they're not. I am sorry about your aunt.

Who has said there is anything wrong with that, if that's what the host prefers and it's logistically possible?

However, we're talking about homes that dogs actually live in, and are welcomed in. If that's not acceptable to OP (which with 10 dogs is quite understandable), the onus is on OP to politely decline the invitation.

The problem here is the wretched MIL. That’s what’s eating away at everything underneath the dog blather.

MIL thinks she is in charge of everyone’s schedules and movements 24-26 dec.
…
This year she is trying to insist on various times at various peoples houses

I'm not bringing the dog. I'm politely declining your invitation.

If you want to bring a parrot, and I say 'no parrots', you decline the invitation.

If I invite you to an event where dogs are present/welcomed and that's not acceptable to you, you decline the invitation.

@mrsm43s
I think you’re missing the point. If you actually read my post I said it used to be fine to leave dogs for a few hours. I’m not saying it’s fine to leave them home alone for days! 🙄 The difference is now that people take them everywhere even if they are going out for only a few hours. This seems OTT to me. What’s wrong with OPs family limiting their visit time as you said your family members did.

It's not a false assumption. You are making the false assumption that what you want is more important than other people's responsibilities. Simply, my way or the highway. You're throwing a tantrum because you don't get to have your own way 100% of the time.

And OP is perfectly within her rights to decline, as she did last year. Nothing suggesting that was a problem.

She's now issued her own invitation, and is upset that others have declined. That's where she is unreasonable. People are entitled to decline invitations which are incompatible with their existing responsibilities.

You’re making the false assumption that having a dog present and not having a dog present are equal positions. They aren’t.

'But one person in a whole family group who doesn’t like dogs can just stay away from them, it’s not hard.'

It is 'hard'. It is absolutely appalling to say to one person you stay away thanks.

Plus the mil hasn't said that she wants and expects them to visit. So if you want visitors pack your little pooches off into a hall, utility area or wherever with a nice chew and stop stressing them out with loads of dogs and noise. Put your dogs welfare first and for goodness sake train them to be left in a different area in the house for short periods of time.

If you don't have family and friends none of this applies so fine.

But you are the one who is bringing the inconvenient thing into the dynamic. If I decided I wanted to bring a parrot everywhere I went, should other people be expected to flex? Or should I have to realise that I have changed things so I need to be the one to do the compromising.

Dogs are not family. People don’t need to respect or include your pet. Dog owners are the entitled ones thinking that their dog has any importance outside of their own private sphere.

In this specific case it is FAMILY Christmas. It is not a dog or non-dog event. Dogs are irrelevant to the equation. The priority should be allowing everyone to participate comfortably. Dog owners can do so without their dog, non dog owners cannot do so with the dogs there. So the dogs need to go.

No I don't. I'm saying there needs to be a position of compromise not one entitled group demanding their own way 100% of the time.

You really do have it the wrong way round.

'If people prefer their dog’s company over yours, don’t blame them - have a look at yourselves'

Have you read the op? The mil wants and expects them to visit. So no she doesn't prefer dogs company she for some reason expects people to enjoy spending Christmas day with 10 dogs.

Nope. You are wrong, and self-entitled. The world does not revolve around you. Other people's preferences are just as valid as yours.

If you host me, I'd be more comfortable bringing my dog. Following your logic, you are being a bad host if you don't allow that!

I think it's perfectly reasonable for people to host dog friendly events. The onus is on those who don't want to be around dogs to politely decline. Equally, it's perfectly reasonable to host dog free events. In this case, the onus is on the dog owners to politely decline if they can't make it work taking into account their responsibilities to their pets.

I think you keep proving my point. There's only one entitled group who keep shouting 'my way only, all the time, no compromise!', and it's not the dog owners...

Again. You are wrong. The role of the host is to make ALL guests comfortable.

The dog is an addition. It has been brought in and therefore the onus is on the person who has made the dynamic change and caused the inconvenience to flex, not the people who were sitting comfortably in the default position (no dog).

It's up to the person whose house it is whether dogs are welcomed or not, and in the case of meeting up in a pub/café etc, it's up to the arranger to decide whether they choose dog friendly or dog free. People are entitled to decline invitations that aren't suitable or them, or arrange events that are.

When people in the wider group have conflicting requirements, it's extremely entitled for one group to think that ALL events must be tailored to their preferences to the detriment of others in the group. The default expectation for anyone with strong preferences should be that some events will suit your needs and others you'll decline.

We are lucky in that our dogs are always invited, although we generally decline taking them for the dogs sake, our family’s love them and buy them Christmas presents and always give them loads of fuss when they visit us.
If someone had a severe allergy then that is a different story of course. But one person in a whole family group who doesn’t like dogs can just stay away from them, it’s not hard.

The only ‘inconvenience’ appears to be to some MNers who are upset that they’re not as popular or well liked as some dogs.

No one is making it the problem of other people. Dog owners are allowed to decline events if they are dog free, dog dislikers are allowed to decline events when there will be dogs there. The problem is when people don't accept that and whine about it, expecting everyone else to fall in line with what suits them. Obviously this goes both ways, but in my experience it is the dog dislikers who are entitled and demand every event must be dog free, rather than just declining events which don't suit them. Dog owners, on the other hand are generally happy to just politely decline events which clash with their responsibilities, accepting that not every event needs to be tailored to them. But, of course 'dog owners' are not a homogeonous group, and neither are 'dog dislikers', so other people's experiences may be different.

What? She is not inconvenient, and at no point have I made her anyone else’s problem 😂. What a strange thing to say.
We arrange our lives around our dogs and that puts no one else out - and actually our dogs are welcome with both sides of our family, we just choose to keep them home for big gatherings as the dogs would not enjoy it.

No-one is paying attention to your reasonable opinions.

I grew up with dogs and like them and have no problem with other people's well behaved dogs. Our dogs were never allowed to sit on the furniture or eat from people's plates.

I admit to disliking sitting on someone's dog hair covered settee in nice clothes then having a dog coming to try and pinch my piece of cake though.

Some people dislike dogs and that's OK, but some dog owners seem oblivious to the fact that their badly behaved dog(s) piss off their guests, even those guests who are dog owners or like dogs.

Not appropriate for all breeds of dog. I have an extremely well trained and well socialised chihuahua. No behaviouralist will be able to change the fact that she'd be distressed being able to hear/smell us but being locked away from us, it's just a breed characteristic. Obviously if you have a different breed, then that's a different matter.

But you have to realise that you have chosen to own this extremely inconvenient animal. It’s your problem and you don’t get to make it the problem of other people