AIBU to refuse Christmas visits because of the family dogs?

I'm not advocating that they should. I've made my position on this very clear multiple times. I consider it perfectly reasonable for someone to choose to politely decline an invitation if it doesn't suit their needs (be that because dogs will be there or because dogs can't come).

The only reasonable response to someone declining an invitation is to gracefully accept it and respect their position.

The problem comes when people (and @BakersKitchenand one of two other dog frees have rather clearly demonstrated this on this thread) start tantrumming because others politely decline invitations rather than capitulating to their wants because they think what they want trumps others wants or needs. On this thread (and in my real life experience to) that entitled attitude only seems to come from the dog frees. Dog owners are far more happy to compromise or politely decline/graciously accept declines.

And the host doesn't need to "throw a tantrum" because some of the people they have invited don't want to spend Christmas with 10 dogs.

I can’t believe some of the comments on this thread! I have no issue with dogs but they are not humans and should not be prioritised over friends and family. To think otherwise is completely unhinged! I can’t imagine these people claiming they turn down invitations in case their dogs get a bit anxious have many friends. They must have pretty shit relationships with family too. I have a cat, she is my baby and is extremely spoiled but I would never put her before actual humans or decline invites. If people visiting me aren’t keen on cats or are allergic to them then I keep her away from them otherwise I’d be a shit host. Having someone’s out of control dog jump all over you is extremely irritating as is the phrase ‘If you just say hello to him, he’ll settle down’ What if I have no interest in ‘saying hello’ to your dog? Why is what Rover wants more important than my desire not to be scratched and slobbered over?

@TeenLifeMum would like to tell you you’re a terrible and neglectful dog owner and so is your whole family. Isn’t that right teenlifemum?

I think you sound like a very normal well balanced person who presumably takes good care of your dog, to be clear!

A dog is a made up “responsibility”

Oh I see the point. I think it is you that doesn't, because you keep thinking that when people say "I CAN'T leave my dog shut in/alone for more than 4 hours/ put them in a kennel or leave them with a stranger because these things would be cruel and distressing to the animal I'm responsible for", that actually I'm saying "I just don't want to do that".

And you think you have the right to DEMAND someone's presence at events they are UNABLE to attend.

Let's be honest, you're just butthurt because not everyone is prepared to revolve their lives around you. You are not the centre of the world. Stop acting like you are.

I will decline any invitations which are not suitable for me to attend, as is my right. It is utterly unreasonable of you, or anyone else to think you have the right to summons me or demand my presence when the event is not compatible with my existing responsibilities.

There is no way I or my kids would go to that. There are no dogs in our house (we’ve made exceptions for things like a friends ageing dog who didn’t have too long left and they didn’t like to leave him, every rule has an exception).
if the pil want to see their real grandbabies they will just have to come to yours without the dogs. If they don’t, their loss.

I’d be staying home!

When our family gets together for celebrations (Christmas and similar) we have 9 dogs and 7 cats between us! The only pets on hand are at the home of the host, so typically 1 dog, and they are sometimes crated for the duration depending on their behaviour! No one brings their dog unless they are staying overnight due to distance.

“I am more important than their pet which will be dead soon”? Are you unwell? Or sociopathic? Either way, very unpleasant and unnecessary comment which says a great deal about you.

There is no way on earth that your house is truly clean with that many dogs living there. Next you will be saying that there is no smell!

honestly I don’t think you could see the point if it ran up to you and slapped you around the face

Interesting thread! I have more dogs than that myself and always have a full house at Christmas, and many, many visitors throughout the year. They are well trained though and my house isn’t dirty. Mine don’t beg for food and they aren’t allowed in the dining room.

“I am more important than their pet which will be dead soon”? Are you unwell? Or sociopathic? Either way, very unpleasant and unnecessary comment which says a great deal about you.

There is no compromise for me personally when the “compromise” would involve an asthma attack and several days unwell. It’s like I have already said to you multiple times - you are mistaking dog and no dog as equal starting positions, and “wanting to bring a dog” and “not being able to be around a dog” as equally difficult positions when they just aren’t.

I will tolerate going to a dog owners house dosed up on antihistamine if the dog is shut away and the home owner has had a good hoover. Thankfully most dog owners I know don’t have a problem with this because i, their human friend of many years, am more important than their pet which will be dead soon.

Of course there's a compromise, you are just not prepared to budge from "I WANT!".

What's wrong with meeting in a dog free place at a location where the dog owner could get back within 4 hours?

Or changing the date to a day where the dog owner's partner or family were available to provide dog care?

Or having a catch up online or a long telephone call?

Or simply being polite and gracious and accepting that sometimes others can't make it?

But no! Only you matter. It's all ME, ME, ME! I Demand you do what I say!

Edited to add: Oh I see you edited your post to provide a compromise. That's at least progress.

There is no compromise for me personally when the “compromise” would involve an asthma attack and several days unwell. It’s like I have already said to you multiple times - you are mistaking dog and no dog as equal starting positions, and “wanting to bring a dog” and “not being able to be around a dog” as equally difficult positions when they just aren’t.

I will tolerate going to a dog owners house dosed up on antihistamine if the dog is shut away and the home owner has had a good hoover. Thankfully most dog owners I know don’t have a problem with this because i, their human friend of many years, am more important than their pet which will be dead soon.

Yes but you've just said you don't take them to other people's homes so there's that at least

Hopefully you agree the ops scenario of 10 visiting dogs on Christmas day at mils would not be in the dogs best interests.

I'm very happy to compromise. I've repeatedly said that. It's just that the compromise can't be something that conflicts with my responsibilities as a responsible pet owner to not neglect or csuse distress to the innocent animal I'm responsible for. How are you not getting that? It's actually you who is refusing any compromise, insisting you must have everything your own way, not me.

Our dog can be left with either DH, Me, adult DD or adult DS. In the case of a family wedding, if DH & I were invited, then one of the adult children would provide pet care. If all four of us were invited, whoever was least bothered about going would provide pet care. At Christmas, we prioritise our nuclear family of 4 staying together, and so obviously would decline invitations they were incompatible with dog care.

We are happy to meet up separately to each other, so the dog can be looked after by the other, or meet up together without the dog if an adult child is free. Equally we're happy to meet up in a dog friendly venue, as long as logistically we can complete the travel and activity within a 4 hour period.

These are just some of the many compromises we make.

So pray tell me, @BakersKitchen, what compromises do you make? Because all I'm hearing from you is "I insist on my way only only, you must do what I demand, I don't see why I should compromise..." like a self-centred, brattish spoiled child with no consideration for others

So you have basically essentially created a situation where you are completely unwilling to move an inch to support people in your life at important events. How can you now see how rude that is? I don’t believe there isn’t a single suitable dog care option for your dog