AIBU to refuse Christmas visits because of the family dogs?

But presumably they chose the 9pm time as it's the most convenient for them. It's not up to them to centre your social requirements over what suits their timetable.

And no it is actively cruel and neglectful to leave a dog for more than 4 hours total in a day. Always has been and always will be. Responsible dog owners won't do that, of course, just for your social benefit. And most dogs would be distressed at being kennelled.

Responsible dog owners don't cause their dogs distress, and accept that they have to turn down invitations if they are not compatible with their responsibilities to their pets. Your social wants don't trump their dogs needs. You need to respect that. You are entitled to turn down invitations that don't suit you, and so are dog owners.

I absolutely love dogs but ten dogs in that kind of situation doesn’t sound very restful to me. Especially if you have young DC.

Don’t push it, definitely don’t invite them again, just accept they can’t visit you and you can’t visit them.

If DH wants to spend some time with his family over Christmas he can go on his own!

I love dogs but this sounds a nightmare. Clearly they are untrained. Can they not leave the dogs at hoem for a few hours to come to your house, surely all the dogs aren't used to people being home 24/7?!

11 dogs sounds horrific. I have 2 myself but I don’t think I’d go anywhere where there are 11. How does anyone get anything done or socialise with all those dogs to watch

Her kids might!

Very dangerous with young children, many years ago when nine were young a relative's dog , while we were visiting in laws, attacked my 18 month old son for no reason. He wasn't anywhere near the dog but it just flew at him, luckily it was winter and he had a thiçk jumper on . I certainly wouldn't take small children into a house with 10 dogs.

Stop being uptight - you won’t die from having dogs around.

Yes but also no.

Many dog owners use their pets as an excuse and say “can’t” when actually it is “won’t”. We have an issue where BIL and his partner constantly try to bring the dog to things because they would otherwise need to leave early as the dog needs medication at the same time every day.

You have a responsibility as a pet owner to make sure the animal gets its medication at the same time every day, fine.

That time of day does not have to be 9 o’clock in the evening which means you “can’t” attend any dinner invitation. They could have chosen a less socially intrusive time, they could choose to move it. They won’t.

Likewise the dog owners in this thread could leave the dog at home (yes for longer that 4 hours, this is a new thing and many people still agree the odd longer stretch won’t kill them), return to take it out for a wee and come back later, arrange Christmas boarding in kennels. There are lots to options for them to “choose” from, they just “won’t”.

10 dogs ! I wouldn't go either. The smell must be awful. I know owners claim their dogs dont smell but they do.

I dont get this fascination people have with taking their dogs everywhere. Any time a new cafe or shop opens one of the first comments on our towns facebook page is 'is it dog friendly ?'
One Local cafe let dogs in and your trying to have a coffee and there are dogs trying to get there paws on the counter or coming over to you and lying down beside you. Owners with that stupid 'aww look at him, he's so cute' look on their face.
On one memerable occasion a large dog pooed on the floor and the owner expected the cafe staff to clean it up.

In-laws had a greyhound but he was well behaved. Just lay in his bed or came over for the occasional sniff and a head rub. No slobbing or trying to take food.

It's much more likely to be "can't" rather than "choosing not to". The decision to have a pet comes with responsibilities, which you can't just ignore when it's inconvenient.

Yeah sorry I missed that bit.

It is so so sad…genuinely heartbreaking. The idea that the family would choose not to spend Christmas with their youngest grandchildren simply because they won’t leave the dogs at home… it must feel quite painful - It’s hard not to see it as choosing the dogs over their own family, and that’s just really sad

YNBU

I agree. Why so much rage? Overreaction.

Dogs outside walking is extremely different to in a confined space when eating, or dogs could likely be left for an hour's pub visit. Both valid compromises.

How is that a compromise if the OP doesn’t want to be around the dogs?

We have a beloved dog. Sil comes for xmas dinner and she brings her dog. They play well together and are not barky dogs. We have 10 minutes of chaos and then its over. But I draw the line at 10 bloody dogs. Thinking about the noise is giving me anxiety for you!
You are not being unreasonable at all. I love dogs and I just wouldn’t spend Christmas like this.

Absolutely fine to decline their invitation if you don't want to be around the dogs. It's also absolutely fine for them to not want to come to your place and to decline your invitation.

Accept that Christmases together simply aren't going to happen.

A nice compromise might be a family dog walk all together or meeting up in a pub for a drink and a catch up.

What exactly is she trying to insist you do?

I try hard to avoid going round to peoples houses who have dogs that jump up / bark / are very noticeably there.

I wouldn’t be going to a Christmas Day with lots of dogs, or any dogs that would impact my xmas in a negative way. I’m not interested in them and don’t like the smell, the drool, the bum holes on sofas, the noise or the malting hairs. Or of course the risk of getting bitten. I’d prefer to stay home with no dogs.

because they are pets and they don’t matter even a fraction of the amount as people and family relationships and inclusion

You would leave a dog all day? What if it needed to go out to the toilet? This goes against all advice about dogs!

I’d try and arrange a meal out for a few hours on boxing day. That way, it’s on neutral grounds and it’s a given the dogs won’t be going. I’m sure they all leave their dogs to go to work, shopping, out etc so nobody can be unreasonable and say they can’t possibly go. Seems an ideal compromise where you aren’t putting up with ten dogs, and they aren’t leaving their beloved pets for a long period of time.

Why?

No, that is the recommended time to leave dogs.

But it’s not ops house, it’s either her MIL or BIL whose house rules allow the dogs