AIBU to refuse Christmas visits because of the family dogs?

10 dogs and 2 small children in an environment which isn’t familiar for all doesn’t really bode well I don’t think. Two excitable kids and over excited dogs could lead to situation nobody wants (it wouldn’t be either of their faults). This would be a hard no for me.

Aside from that I’m allergic to dog fur so there wouldn’t be a discussion to be had. I don’t mind dog ironically, their fur just dislikes me! My son does have a dog phobia though and we had therapy for a while so would be a no simply on his behalf.

I have a family member with 2 chaotic dogs. We can't have them visit here because they won't ever leave the dogs at home and they upset our pets.

The best compromise I have managed is to meet them outside for a walk for a couple of hours.

It has reduced the contact a lot and they never invite us to visit them. We would go to their house if invited but we're not so we don't go.

10 dogs and all those people would be far too much for me. Have your Christmas at home and perhaps suggest an outdoor meet up if possible.

It's for someone else's convenience. Perfectly possible for family relationships to be maintained at a dog friendly venue, or at a dog free venue where a dog owner could attend without leaving their dog for more than 4 hours (e.g. lunch/drinks/activity etc at a venue located where the dog owner could reasonably travel there and back and do the activity in a 4 hour window). I'm quite happy to compromise on activity or location but that compromise cannot be doing something that means I have to disregard my responsibility towards my dog or cause her distress.

Just as you are reasonable to have a hard line of "no dogs present", which you are not prepared to compromise on, you must have respect for a dog owners hard line of "not leaving my dog alone for more than 4 hours or causing them distress by kenneling them", which is just as valid as your hard line.

If maintaining relationships is important compromises can be achieved. One party can’t dictate what the other should do because they don’t like the alternative.

You keep saying “convenience”. It’s not about convenience, it’s about maintaining family relationships.

Exactly. And this needs to be accepted gracefully.

I never take my dog to dog free spaces, or people's homes where they are not welcomed. As a result, sometimes I have to politely decline invitations. That's OK, I accept that as part and parcel of the responsibility of dog ownership. What isn't OK is people being arsey about me declining events or trying to bully me into doing things that will cause my dog distress for their own convenience.

They are being unreasonable but to keep the peace I would pop in for an hour Xmas morning. If they live close it’s an easy time to have a short visit - busy day etc

The alternative is to decline the invitation. Which impacts nobody except the dog owner who has made their choice.

But the alternative to that choice is not “bring your dog” just because you’re too precious to put it in a kennel

Kennels are not suitable for all dogs, and it's up to the dog owners to make that choice.

We have this problem as a family aswell, but we only have 4 dogs between us. A couple of christmas’ ago it was hell, as my sisters were totally untrained, stealing food out my toddlers hands. Awful. We all agreed to put them all in kennels the next year, it was much better. Would they be willing to put at least a few in kennels?
10 dogs sounds like hell

I leave my dog for up to 4 hours, as per the professional advice. Obviously not from day 1, we needed to build up to that with training, she could probably be left for that long from around a year. She a breed known to be nervous and needing human company, so we've worked hard to get here (and need to keep re-inforcing training).

It's absolutely fine to decline invitations if you don't want to be around dogs, just as it is to decline invitations if they are not compatible with responsibilities to your pets.

What is not OK, and in my experience, it tends to be those wanting everything dog free who do this, is not graciously accepting the polite decline, and trying ro insist people leave their dogs for extended periods or kennel them when the pet owners know that would cause distress, and then throwing tantrums when people don't do what they want . (Equally not OK would be trying to insist that a dog disliker must come to an event with dogs present, and throwing a tantrum if they won't, but that's something I rarely see).

Prioritise your human children and their Christmas op. What is most important is that they have a nice time and magical memories. They don’t need to be inflicted with chaos, noise and smell. Or relatives who love their animals more than their family.

Stop with the hyperbole. People who dislike dogs aren't "throwing tantrums" any more than dog lovers who never go anywhere without their dog.

I agree that it is unreasonable to leave a dog on its own all day, but it is also unreasonable to expect to be able to take a dog with you everywhere you go. Some dog owners "throw tantrums" because they won't ever be separated from their dogs, and don't understand that some people just dislike dogs.

I like dogs but don't own one because they are too much of a commitment and a tie.

What is the maximum amount of time you are prepared to leave a dog for? Enough to go to the cinema? Out for a meal? Go shopping?

I’ve got a trusted dog sitter. I’ll book her if the person I’m seeing is decent and I enjoy their company and decline the invite if not.

Would be an absolute NO from me. One dog is one dog too many. Your house - your rules. And as for going to them, say no, life is too short to do things you don’t want to do.

There’s only one kennel I’d use. It’s like a dog hotel and they have a whale of a time. My parents wouldn’t put their dog in kennels over 30 years ago because it made him miserable. It was cruel.

Nope, it was always neglect and has been strongly advised against for decades. May I ask what your professional animal care qualifications are which allow you to so confidently challenge the advice of vets, animal behaviourists, dog trainers and experienced responsible pet owners across the country?

It isn’t cruel though! They’re fine! You’re probably one of those people who have created “separation anxiety” because of your ridiculous pandering to your dog as though it was a child.

What can’t you understand about the fact that it is hurtful, in this case to the OP and her family, to prioritise an animal that’s going to live maximum 12 years over a lifelong family relationship?

It would be for many dogs.

That's fine. Turn down invitations to dog friendly events then, just like dog owners turn down invitations to dog free ones if it would involve leaving their dogs too long.

You / your child are not the only people in the world that matter. You get to centre yourself/your child, but you need to stop demanding that everyone else does.

That’s good! You get so many other people commenting that they couldn’t possibly leave the dog in kennels because that would apparently also be “cruel” 🙄

We’ve had dogs for a lot longer than six years and have never left them alone for more than four hours. I haven’t lost my mind, I love my dogs. That’s why we spend £££ on kennels if we can’t look after them properly.

Firstly, no they can't "just leave it at home" as that would be cruel, and secondly it doesn't impact on anyone else when dog owners just politely decline dog free events, and dog dislikers just politely decline dog friendly ones.

It's not OK for some entitled people to dictate what others do. In my world, I don't see this from dog owners, who simply accept they have to turn down invitations if they would involve leaving the dog too long. It tends to be the dog dislikers, as clearly evidenced by some of the comments on this thread, who expect to have their preferences centred at all times, and throw a tantrum when that doesn't happen.

We just don’t agree it is neglect. It used to be called normal behaviour until about 6 years ago. Now people have lost their fucking minds.