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Original poster

Wife kissed her boss after a harvest festival tradition, am I overthinking it?

148 replies

Williemm · 07/09/2026 13:13

My wife and I are both in our mid 40s and have been married for 17 years. We have three children. My wife is quite senior in her company, and her boss is in his late 40s and also fairly senior. So this isn't a case of her being a junior employee and her boss being some much older man.

Last Friday, she was in France with her boss and a few other junior colleagues because the company has an important business relationship with a French vineyard. They were there during the grape harvest as part of the partnership.......and the vineyard invited them to participate in the traditional vendange rather than just having meetings and dinners.

Apparently there was a proper harvest ceremony as well. The vineyard has someone who leads the ceremony, and the junior visitors were involved in harvesting the first ceremonial basket of grapes. My wife and her boss ended up being the two people paired together for that part.

At the end, the harvest master was talking about the old harvest customs and good luck for the coming vintage. He then smiled and jokingly suggested that, since my wife and her boss had harvested the ceremonial grapes together, perhaps they should seal it with a traditional "harvest kiss" for good luck.

It was clearly said in a playful way rather than as an instruction, and everyone laughed.
My wife said she hesitated because, obviously kissing your boss is quite a strange thing to be asked to do...... But after a moment she decided to go along with it and kissed him on the lips.

There were colleagues and vineyard people around, so it wasn't secretive or anything like that. She told me about it herself afterwards, and as far as I know there is absolutely nothing going on between them. I'm not accusing her of cheating.

But I can't decide how I feel about it. On one hand, I can see that it was a cultural/harvest ceremony and she was caught up in the occasion. On the other hand, she could have declined once she realised what was being suggested, particularly because this was her boss.

Would you find this completely harmless and just part of an unusual work trip, or would you also think it crossed a line,

My wife and her boss are good friends and have known each other for the last 20 years. Also, for context, I'm Brit

OP posts:
ItsAlwaysTwins · 08/09/2026 09:56

I’m sure it was entirely innocent and spur of the moment.

I’d have proffered a cheek for the kiss though. I’d never kiss anyone other than my husband on the lips, the idea gives me the heebie-jeebies.

PrincessOfPreschool · 08/09/2026 09:58

I think I missed the bit how the OP knows it was 3-4 seconds of kissing. Was it videoed. That would be quite an awkward kiss for the onlookers too!

Papster · 08/09/2026 10:02

Williemm · 08/09/2026 07:16

Yeah, there was an Instagram story and a photo where my wife was tagged. In fact, there were 16 or 17 other photos, and she was very close to him

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I think we’d need to see the link for a properly informed decision

OvernightBloats · 08/09/2026 10:16

MoonLight321 · 08/09/2026 09:23

Lol, classic gaslighting. How dare you get upset. Spare a thought for your poor DW who kissed another man by her own free will.

I would expect an experienced senior women in a company could very easily sidestep "peer pressure" from junior colleagues and staff at a vineyard.

She will have been in far more difficult and stressful situations than this at work. Easily avoidable. She chose not to avoid it and has upset her DH as a result.

Edited
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Nope, not gaslighting! Lol!

If that kiss meant something, the wife wouldn't have told him about it. She couldn't win in this situation because she felt she would be judged for saying no. Pressure to partake in activities in the workplace is real.

She went ahead with the kiss because she was pressured to do so.

BuildingAccess · 08/09/2026 10:21

So weird if I saw my boss kiss another colleague or being the one caught up in the scenario and someone egging me on to kiss my boss. Weird and no way in both situations. Sorry that the harvest would lose its good luck or go to ruin.

ExtraOnions · 08/09/2026 10:23

“Long deep kiss” .. who, outside of a Mills & Boon, uses that language ?

MoonLight321 · 08/09/2026 12:52

OvernightBloats · 08/09/2026 10:16

Nope, not gaslighting! Lol!

If that kiss meant something, the wife wouldn't have told him about it. She couldn't win in this situation because she felt she would be judged for saying no. Pressure to partake in activities in the workplace is real.

She went ahead with the kiss because she was pressured to do so.

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Not gaslighting? What was the 'you're only thinking of yourself and not your wife' shite then?

Or the 'she felt she would be judged' 'she was pressured' crap?

She's a big girl. A senior woman at the company no less. You think she didn't have to fight to get to her current position? Or do you think the frightened naiive lamb skipped to the upper ranks of her company without any challenges?

Stop making excuses. Someone in her position could easily sidestep pressure from her junior colleagues. Smooching her boss being her only option in a panciked moment of intense pressure is a complete load of shite.

So quit gaslighting or trying to pull the victim card for the female senior exec.

Missj25 · 08/09/2026 17:58

I love the way there are so many coming on here , “ oh it’s no big deal attitude, get over yourself “ kind of a thing 🙄 .
I wonder how many here though would equally be seeing the jollies in it if it were their dh ??.
They could have kissed on the cheek ffs , didn’t have to kiss on lips .
I’d be annoyed if it were my husband, I’d tell him so & then put it to bed .

Kubuli · 08/09/2026 18:19

PrincessOfPreschool · 07/09/2026 13:39

She told you. It was a difficult spur of the moment decision to make. There's nothing in it. What's your issue really?

Is there really anything difficult about not kissing your boss?

or any colleague for that matter.

Kubuli · 08/09/2026 18:21

Your partner seems… daft.

Because none of this actually makes sense.

There’s no real situation where you need to kiss your boss on the mouth. It’s quite obvious everybody took that remark for a (creepy) joke.

I get on with some folk better than others at work. I can’t say we’ve joked about kissing each other and the sort but then again judging by some of the comments, it seems I’m the abnormal one.

Ooodelally · 08/09/2026 18:21

Your poor wife! If you make a big deal out of this absolute nothing of a situation then she’ll, rightly, never tell you anything ever again!

MsPrufrockk · 08/09/2026 18:27

Williemm · 08/09/2026 07:32

The issue is that I don't want my wife kissing another man. It was a long, deep kiss. I don't know Just because she was honest doesn't make it any less than infidelity, because I believe physical intimacy in our marriage is strictly exclusive."

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With tongues? I'm not 100% what you class as a 'long,deep kiss', so I'm not sure how I'd feel in your position.

NewGoldFox · 08/09/2026 18:48

I wouldn’t be overjoyed about it but could see how she would've felt a bit pressured into it.

MandemChickenShop · 08/09/2026 18:53

Do they have business in Germany?

Do not under ANY circumstances, let her boss take her to Bavaria for next month's annual 'addressing the sausage tradition'.

brunettemic · 08/09/2026 19:15

One ticket to the MN double standards show please.

aphroditeflighty · 08/09/2026 19:22

I'm lost by the term 'deep' kiss. I'm assuming the OP means the duration of it?

Kokonimater · 08/09/2026 19:25

It was a peck on the lips!?
Pull yourself together.
Don’t be a man that gets all uptight and insecure over something as trifling as this.
your poor wife!!

HardyFox · 08/09/2026 19:36

Fine, if not totally professional.

HarrietHedgehog · 08/09/2026 19:40

It would have been embarrassing for all concerned if your wife had refused to kiss her boss. She did the right thing and it was also right of her to tell you about it. Take a chill pill and forget about it.

foursquares · 08/09/2026 19:50

Who on earth does that?! Most people, particularly those in senior roles, wouldn't even dream of doing that. Sadly, seems like you married the village bike..

foursquares · 08/09/2026 19:52

Sadly the MN double standards are showing themselves again..if only she was a man..

EmeraldShamrock000 · 08/09/2026 19:54

It wasn’t very well thought out, I doubt there is anything deeper than the moment.
I don’t know what she was thinking, if she told you about it she doesn’t think much about it. I’d say the junior colleagues were shocked. 😳

HollyhocksandPeons · 08/09/2026 19:56

Inappropriate. Not lethal, but inappropriate. For reference, my gran (working class) would always tell me - if ever in doubt about appropriate or not, think HM QEII - she never offended anyone. Like kissing strangers - no, handshake - yes. Hugging strangers - no. Pictures in bathing suits on Instagram - no, summer dress - yes. I have always found it very useful.

NolanChanceJustLikeTheWeatherNSoul · 08/09/2026 20:04

ExtraOnions · 08/09/2026 10:23

“Long deep kiss” .. who, outside of a Mills & Boon, uses that language ?

Ai perhaps..wait for her heaving bosom later

momtoboys · 08/09/2026 20:08

This would have been a whole lot of nothing in my house. It would never have even occurred to me to tell my DH.

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