Wife kissed her boss after a harvest festival tradition, am I overthinking it?

Surely the intention is what is the most important here? So no, she didn't cheat.

Perhaps the OP knows her husband would overreact.

Yep. She crossed a line. They both did. I expect one or both of them have been tempted before and this time they had the ok to go ahead

People are so weird 😕

@Williemm If you'd reversed the genders in this story and added that it was a 3/4 second kiss in your opening post I'm sure you'd be getting different responses.

I find it really odd that the OP is getting the third degree on here about what kind of kiss it was. I mean how would he know?? He wasn't even there??!

I think the whole thing sounds totally inappropriate for a work do to be honest. In my workplace any event where anyone was asked to kiss another person would be cancelled within seconds! Maybe I'm in the wrong kind of job!

As for the wife being socially awkward and giving in to the kiss request "to save embarrassment" is total bo**ks as well. If anyone (of any nationality) asked me to kiss my boss I'd swiftly put them right!

What would your response be if you were the Op @MoonLight321 ?

Not surprised so many dc have single parents if pp count this as cheating.
I daresay much red wine had been drunk, there was a large audience, the people involved were playing along.
Unless there is a history we dont know about then op needs to have a frank discussion with his dw about what their mutual boundaries are and if op is upset, he seems to be, then his dw needs to apologise. Hurt has been caused but not intentionally.
Op's dw had no intention of cheating and /or intimacy. She was honest with her dh, he may have never known otherwise.

She did cheat. Cheating is a breach of trust that happens when someone breaks the agreed rules, boundaries or expectations of exclusivity set with their partner.

Clearly kissing another man on the lips exceeds the boundaries OP has with DW. We know that because OP is upset and because OP DW hestitated before going ahead. If she was sure OP would be ok with it she wouldn't have hesitated.

She has clearly told him as she has no option, it was witnessed by lots of colleagues.

haha, that's niche!

so niche, I only just discovered it actually exists

but definitely not a search for a work computer

You couldn’t get worked up about your husband kissing his female boss on the lips?

I thought it was a script from Emily in Paris!

I honestly wouldn't care if my OH did this. But two things - I trust him is the first thing. Second thing is that my seething, worrying or overthinking wouldn't change him if he did actually want to have an affair with his boss.

And she didn't cheat.

the French kiss everyone and everything,

but its usually the performative peck on each cheek, sounds like the playful suggestion got lost in translation, even so, if there was something going on, she would hardly announce it after presumably feeling guilty about feeling socially pressured into kissing her boss

What are you worried about exactly? You know this incident wasn’t a sign of infidelity on her part, and it’s very unlikely that a brief kiss in front of an audience has awakened some deep yearning in her for her boss. So your concern can’t be for what the kiss signifies, but simply that it happened at all. Which sounds a bit overly possessive, OP, or as if you feel she’s been sullied by another man. Let it go.

The irony is the posters brushing this off as nothing would be asbolutely seething if their DH/bf had went along with something like this. Like they'd be full on fuming for weeks, and wouldn't let slip a chance to berate their partner and keep them up into the small hours talking about how betrayed they felt.

I also don't think they get to choose whether it's cheating. She kissed another man on the lips. That's intimate. She cheated and OP is understandably upset about it. Peer pressure isn't an excuse to willfully cast aside your marriage vowes.

I was actually thinking this post IS the wife trying to get perspectives to decide whether or not to come clean 😂😂

Sounds like a reverse at the least. Knows too much information about who smiled when etc. you don’t give those details in a usual conversation.

Williemm, Williemm...it was really nothing

I would also add DW only told you because all her work colleagues witnessed it, so it would've found it's way back to you regardless. Clearly she's told you to get in there first.

Because it's your DW its harmless.

If it was your DW writing this then she would be advised to LTB.

She crossed the line. A stupid tradition isn't more important than preserving your wedding vowes. Highly inappropriate and could've easily been avoided without making it into a big deal.

If you hadn't revealed the genders you would be getting very different responses.

Why do I never get invited to these type of fun work functions 😆 Clearly I'm in the wrong job.

Seriously though your wife's reaction is key here. Did she hide evidence of 'Kissgate'? No, she openly shared this with you, therefore you ought to trust her on this one - she was probably mortified and extremely embarrassed about it all.

Do share details of the vineyard though - that kiss must make all the difference and expecting a high end AOC vintage as a result!

A ‘harvest kiss’ is not part of the tradition.

I initially thought quick peck but after your update of a lingering 3-4 second lip kiss I would not be happy. Sounds like v poor decision making in the moment when they were put on the spot rather than they fancy each other. Plus she told you. Talk it through some more and try to move on. Unless it’s worth blowing up your marriage for, only you will know. Best of luck OP.

Be grateful she told you and you didn't have to find out on the grapevine.

Id feel quite sad about this if this was my other half but that’s my own insecurities at play. You might be overthinking it a bit but only you know your wife , her relationship with the boss etc. Are you a bit insecure about how close they are perhaps?

Kissing deeply? So a snog?
or pressing their lips together for 3-4 seconds?

So you don't know is your answer. Someone can hold lips to another person without mouths open for 3-4 seconds.
She was under pressure. She was in front of her peers, probably everyone laughing and whatnot.
She didn't do it because she wanted to, she didn't do it because she fancies her boss, she told you everything (lovely to have honesty in a marriage) and you still are spiralling.

I am beginning to feel sorry for her tbh. She isn't being believed despite telling you the truth?