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Original poster

Wife kissed her boss after a harvest festival tradition, am I overthinking it?

148 replies

Williemm · 07/09/2026 13:13

My wife and I are both in our mid 40s and have been married for 17 years. We have three children. My wife is quite senior in her company, and her boss is in his late 40s and also fairly senior. So this isn't a case of her being a junior employee and her boss being some much older man.

Last Friday, she was in France with her boss and a few other junior colleagues because the company has an important business relationship with a French vineyard. They were there during the grape harvest as part of the partnership.......and the vineyard invited them to participate in the traditional vendange rather than just having meetings and dinners.

Apparently there was a proper harvest ceremony as well. The vineyard has someone who leads the ceremony, and the junior visitors were involved in harvesting the first ceremonial basket of grapes. My wife and her boss ended up being the two people paired together for that part.

At the end, the harvest master was talking about the old harvest customs and good luck for the coming vintage. He then smiled and jokingly suggested that, since my wife and her boss had harvested the ceremonial grapes together, perhaps they should seal it with a traditional "harvest kiss" for good luck.

It was clearly said in a playful way rather than as an instruction, and everyone laughed.
My wife said she hesitated because, obviously kissing your boss is quite a strange thing to be asked to do...... But after a moment she decided to go along with it and kissed him on the lips.

There were colleagues and vineyard people around, so it wasn't secretive or anything like that. She told me about it herself afterwards, and as far as I know there is absolutely nothing going on between them. I'm not accusing her of cheating.

But I can't decide how I feel about it. On one hand, I can see that it was a cultural/harvest ceremony and she was caught up in the occasion. On the other hand, she could have declined once she realised what was being suggested, particularly because this was her boss.

Would you find this completely harmless and just part of an unusual work trip, or would you also think it crossed a line,

My wife and her boss are good friends and have known each other for the last 20 years. Also, for context, I'm Brit

OP posts:
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Timeforachange26 · 09/09/2026 20:36

Williemm · 07/09/2026 13:35

I'm not blaming her, but a full kiss seems unnecessary. What I actually think is that she could have just said no it was simple

I'm asking for other persons perspective

Show quote history

What do you mean by a " full kiss"

ec5881 · 09/09/2026 20:34

3/4 seconds kiss, defo crosses a line for me. Would have been better to kiss him on the cheek or decline. I do think in these moments when you’re put on the spot people do things they actually aren’t comfortable with in real life and don’t align with what they’d choose not under pressure, so I wouldn’t give her a hard time over it, but I would definitely explain to her how you feel and why you’re not comfortable with it.

Justwantedtosayrightnow · 09/09/2026 11:26

Suprised by the amount of people who dont have a problem, would they be so happy with their husband/wife /partner kissing someone else, also the reasons oh she just felt pressured, thats even worse !

Missj25 · 09/09/2026 09:32

GreatWideOcean · 08/09/2026 23:17

As a wife, I wouldn't do it. For the occasion, a normal quick kiss on the cheek, sure. I would also expect my husband not to do it.

Exactly, this is how husbands & wives are supposed to behave.
There was zero need to kiss on the lips .
The amount of bullshit posters on here with their , “ she was being a good sport “ , “ it was just fun “ , “ it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest “, 🙄.
They’re talking shite , I’m sure it wouldn’t sit so well with half of the women posting on here if it were their DH like they’re making out .

OP has every right to be ticked off & let his feelings be known to his wife.

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 09/09/2026 02:46

WordOfTheDay · 07/09/2026 13:47

She just played along with the custom as a spur of the moment thing, also to keep the group spirit jolly. It was a harmless peck on the lips. You're supposed to join in the fun of these things, particularly when with a big group - join in with a local dance, singalong as you swill beer, knock back a schnaps to each toast, cover your head with a veil, kiss the Blarney stone hanging upside down, etc., etc.

Harmless fun. She's a good sport!

You're supposed to join in the fun of these things, particularly when with a big group

That’s the dilemma many a man has found himself in when away on stags/‘lads’ holidays….

ErinBell01 · 09/09/2026 00:32

Oh for goodness sake get a life! Worrying yourself about this is pretty pathetic, don't you think?

momtoboys · 08/09/2026 23:52

aphroditeflighty · 08/09/2026 19:22

I'm lost by the term 'deep' kiss. I'm assuming the OP means the duration of it?

I’m thinking that meant tongue was involved? If that is the case, I take back my previous post. My DH would not laugh that off.

GreatWideOcean · 08/09/2026 23:17

As a wife, I wouldn't do it. For the occasion, a normal quick kiss on the cheek, sure. I would also expect my husband not to do it.

Gwenna · 08/09/2026 23:09

Williemm · 07/09/2026 13:13

My wife and I are both in our mid 40s and have been married for 17 years. We have three children. My wife is quite senior in her company, and her boss is in his late 40s and also fairly senior. So this isn't a case of her being a junior employee and her boss being some much older man.

Last Friday, she was in France with her boss and a few other junior colleagues because the company has an important business relationship with a French vineyard. They were there during the grape harvest as part of the partnership.......and the vineyard invited them to participate in the traditional vendange rather than just having meetings and dinners.

Apparently there was a proper harvest ceremony as well. The vineyard has someone who leads the ceremony, and the junior visitors were involved in harvesting the first ceremonial basket of grapes. My wife and her boss ended up being the two people paired together for that part.

At the end, the harvest master was talking about the old harvest customs and good luck for the coming vintage. He then smiled and jokingly suggested that, since my wife and her boss had harvested the ceremonial grapes together, perhaps they should seal it with a traditional "harvest kiss" for good luck.

It was clearly said in a playful way rather than as an instruction, and everyone laughed.
My wife said she hesitated because, obviously kissing your boss is quite a strange thing to be asked to do...... But after a moment she decided to go along with it and kissed him on the lips.

There were colleagues and vineyard people around, so it wasn't secretive or anything like that. She told me about it herself afterwards, and as far as I know there is absolutely nothing going on between them. I'm not accusing her of cheating.

But I can't decide how I feel about it. On one hand, I can see that it was a cultural/harvest ceremony and she was caught up in the occasion. On the other hand, she could have declined once she realised what was being suggested, particularly because this was her boss.

Would you find this completely harmless and just part of an unusual work trip, or would you also think it crossed a line,

My wife and her boss are good friends and have known each other for the last 20 years. Also, for context, I'm Brit

YANBU only because she could have kissed him on the cheek 😬 Unless you’re the type of family who kiss non-romantic people and their kids on the lips (some do) in which case YABU.

Sunbringer · 08/09/2026 23:00

RandomUserName96 · 08/09/2026 20:33

She actually told you that it was a Long, deep kiss?

Show quote history

Yeah… she really told you that? Sounds like bollocks

Sunbringer · 08/09/2026 23:00

UndeadLife · 08/09/2026 21:21

Going against the grain, to me this would be a form of cheating.
She's actively decided to and instigated kissing someone else, peer pressure isn't an excuse.
I've only ever even peck kissed one person, my former long term serious partner, all kisses are a form of intimacy to me. And it sounds like it was much more than just a fraction of a second peck.
I'd never be okay with her interacting with her boss again, and i'd potentially even ultimatum change jobs or divorce.

Edited

Well I peck my nephew who is 4… also my father, mother, gran, one of my best friends.

I’m certainly not being sexually intimate with any of them.

Sunbringer · 08/09/2026 22:58

Just a peck? I wouldn’t care in that scenario. They both probably left cringing. It’s not like they were snogging with lust.

HollyhocksandPeons · 08/09/2026 22:33

momtoboys · 08/09/2026 20:08

This would have been a whole lot of nothing in my house. It would never have even occurred to me to tell my DH.

But that is because you are normal.

Laura95167 · 08/09/2026 22:14

I think its reasonable to feel uncomfy with it. But also if it was a peck that she told you about i wouldnt over think it

BeddysMum · 08/09/2026 21:51

Not a big deal, but knowing the French he was probably winding them up 🤣

UndeadLife · 08/09/2026 21:21

Going against the grain, to me this would be a form of cheating.
She's actively decided to and instigated kissing someone else, peer pressure isn't an excuse.
I've only ever even peck kissed one person, my former long term serious partner, all kisses are a form of intimacy to me. And it sounds like it was much more than just a fraction of a second peck.
I'd never be okay with her interacting with her boss again, and i'd potentially even ultimatum change jobs or divorce.

Playinwithfire · 08/09/2026 21:10

I would not be happy about this and would feel incredibly sad. Something like this, I would away from my marriage.
Your wife was not respecting your marriage or you in that matter.

yorkshireteabagman · 08/09/2026 20:42

I wouldn't be impressed personally. I'd get over it pretty swiftly but I give my DW more respect than giving a kiss to another woman. Sounds like a weird embarrassing situation and absolutely no peer pressure would make me kiss someone

RandomUserName96 · 08/09/2026 20:33

Williemm · 08/09/2026 07:32

The issue is that I don't want my wife kissing another man. It was a long, deep kiss. I don't know Just because she was honest doesn't make it any less than infidelity, because I believe physical intimacy in our marriage is strictly exclusive."

Show quote history

She actually told you that it was a Long, deep kiss?

PinkBottle75 · 08/09/2026 20:31

Well you've been with her 17 years so I'd weigh that against a moment of stage fuckery where she was told what to do in front of a crowd with quite a lot of pressure to perform and it was all a bit theatrical from what you've suggested.

I notice that women find it harder to maintain boundaries, especially if it was a bonhomie winky winky French man who seem to indulge in the national sport of trying to encourage other people's wives to play away from home... it really is a very French thing to do, to have an affair so this would all be quite normal for them.

I'm not very aware of my boundaries at times, not that I've ever been unfaithful, I haven't but I could see myself feeling a bit uncertain of myself in this situation and might have gone along to please the crowd.

The most important thing is has she told you how she felt about it and what does she think?

I'd feel like such an idiot afterwards and like I'd made it awkward between me and my boss.

there's not much you can do OP except express your discomfort and dislike of it all and tell her her clearly that it's made you feel uncomfortable and you would not want it to happen again and that if it did, there'd be a very upsetting conversation you'd have to have with her.

Tell her how you feel. Don't withhold or push down the feelings or emotions.

That's where things go wrong.

Yytrtt · 08/09/2026 20:24

Surgz · 08/09/2026 20:10

Definitely not sexual..a peck on the lips in front of people..nothing

OP said it wasn’t a peck on the lips?

Yytrtt · 08/09/2026 20:23

YANBU

Every single person on here would not want their DH snogging another woman.

I’m not sure why posters are suggesting they’d be ok with it.

Surgz · 08/09/2026 20:10

Definitely not sexual..a peck on the lips in front of people..nothing

momtoboys · 08/09/2026 20:08

This would have been a whole lot of nothing in my house. It would never have even occurred to me to tell my DH.

NolanChanceJustLikeTheWeatherNSoul · 08/09/2026 20:04

ExtraOnions · 08/09/2026 10:23

“Long deep kiss” .. who, outside of a Mills & Boon, uses that language ?

Ai perhaps..wait for her heaving bosom later

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