Last post as there seems to just be lots of assumptions no point in me speaking about my own lives experience as that doesn’t fit the assumptions.
I think there is sometimes a rather skewed view on here of private schools, wealth and “Middle England”. We are just middle class no where near the top. Parents sending children who aren’t neurotypical to private schools aren’t your enemy we aren’t taking £5m donations etc from foreign donors et al. There seems to be an assumption that if you send two children to private school and can afford to travel, you must be absolutely filthy rich. I don't think it’s quite that simple.
We do our best for our children, as every parent does. They are our priority but I’m obviously not suggesting other parents feel any differently. We are fortunate that within our means we’ve been able to give them certain opportunities and I’m very conscious that those opportunities are a privilege but why would I deny my children privilege.
They are well travelled. They’ve been to Japan Aus Canada the US, all around Europe etc and we’ve taken them on safaris in africa. They’ve also been to Singapore to visit my cousins. I absolutely recognise that lots of families don't have the opportunity to do those things.But it doesn't mean we're constantly spending huge amounts. We save for these trips and don't stay in five star hotels. The Japan trip is a good example. DH and I went years ago before we had children and in 2020 decided it would be lovely to take the boys in 5 or so years, so we started putting money aside then specifically for the Japan trip. Nothing about our travel is particularly spontaneous we don't wake up and think “yes, let's take the children to Asia”! 😂 things are planned and thought out sometimes even 6 years in advance.
Some of it is possible because we have family abroad. My mother is American and we have lots of family in the US, and I have cousins in Singapore so we often stay with relatives, DHs siblings don’t all live in England that sort of thing. In those cases accommodation is essentially covered. That's a privilege certainly, but it's also quite different from having the money to pay for luxury holidays.
The same applies to investing, which I think gets overlooked in these discussions. I’ve been investing since my late teens. My father taught me about stocks, shares, equities when I was 13 and importantly taught me that investing was a long term thing not a way of making quick money. I’ve seen money I invested at 21 accumulate by the time I was 35. There are investments I’ve held since I was 21 that I simply haven't touched. The younger you start the more time you give things to compound. So of course I have a bit of money considering I’m in my late 40s and have invested from my 20s. Isn’t it all
why it’s better to take your pension more seriously in your early 20s and watch it accumulate depending on the fund you’re investing in. I am not a pro at financial terminology before someone who works in finances comes at me. All I know is in regards to what I have been investing for over 20 years.
My own parents weren't wealthy when I was growing up. They were comfortably middle class, both worked, and my mother had her own career. My father had his career and been investing for decades and was very financially knowledgeable. I still go to him for advice.
DH's family background is actually quite different again. His father was working class, from a very working class area of London which is still very working class today. He went to Cambridge, which at the time was very far from the typical background of someone attending Cambridge. So even within one family there isn't some neat story of generations of wealthy people sending their children to elite institutions and passing wealth down. He worked in the city after uni so of course he had money and he certainly was investing from his first city job.
People in their 80s (I am not speaking for every single person in their late 80s) have also had decades to accumulate savings and investments. That doesn't necessarily mean they were born wealthy. Income, wealth, assets, inheritance, financial literacy, family circumstances and simply having time for investments to grow are all different things.
We don't borrow money from DH's parents. Yes, they are quite wealthy, but DH and I are nowhere near their level financially. In fact, I’m financially less well off as an adult than I was growing up in terms of the position my own parents were in.
I also think British and American class are difficult to compare neatly. My mother is American and her experience as an educated woman with her own career doesn't map perfectly onto British attitudes towards women and class in her generation at the time.
None of this is meant to pretend we don't have privilege. We do. We are lucky. But I don't think being able to afford private school and save for international travel automatically makes someone “filthy rich”. Families have different incomes, different histories, different access to family, different financial knowledge and different priorities.
We choose to spend a significant proportion of our money on our children's education
, our children also had extra needs that a state school might have not cared about but since we pay for their education the school they attend gives a shit and supports them Someone else might spend theirs differently. I don't think either choice tells you everything you need to know about someone's class as much as people on MN seem to think.
Anyway will get the thread removed surprised the many vitriol against an 18 yo who you view as your enemy and have all these odd wishes for. Life doesn’t work that way. He will be absolutely fine in life I wish his grandparents listens to DH and I regarding the money but they’ve told us it’s their money they’ll do what they like. People sometimes come here to rant not everyone is bragging by spending about their life experiences I can’t help my life experiences they’ve been great but it’s not perfect we have our own issues as you can see from my post but just because someone isn’t here to agree that their son is a waste of space doesn’t mean that they’re bragging. Lots of 18 yo are like my son lots have their own businesses, lots can buy a 2006 polo with 60k miles it’s not out of the ordinary especially as he had had multiple paid work experience and worked a Waitrose and was doing OT over summers and Xmas break in year 12. I know we are in a cost of living crisis but it is possible for an 18 yo to afford a £3.5k car by themselves with their own jobs and their small business this was before his grandparents gift.
Hate to say this but not everyone is struggling by the pence we aren’t struggling in that sense and are very grateful that isn’t to diminish people struggling that’s just a fact of life not every single person in this country is having a hard time. Yes do I wish things were cheaper of course yes do I miss 2019 prices of course but we are fine and that is absolutely okay you don’t need to make people feel guilty for being okay or not having a struggle story.
Anyway if you got to the end of my ramblings have a good day. Remember this is a free online forum you don’t have to agree with someone or they don’t have to have the exactly same life experience for their life experience to be real or valid everyone is different.