AIBU to be annoyed by my husband's rude morning behaviour?

No not again. Not another man saying its not my fault I have self diagnosed ND !! Its no excuse for being rude. Especially when he is fully aware of it and dislikes when others behave the exact same way.
I agree a full on chat early in the day can be to much for a lot of people. But he can just say good morning or how are you today . Then go about his day.

When he's away for a few days things are so much nicer me and DD have the best fun and I can have people over without him getting annoyed or being rude.

You know you could have this kind of life ALL THE TIME if you leave him..

Agree

I’d be far more concerned about him being angry every morning. Would he have dd much if you split up since he does nothing to get her ready for school?

I’m not great first thing, I need 30 minutes before I talk to anyone, but that’s fine as I live alone. If I have guests or if I lived with others I know I’d have to make more effort. I think it’s selfish.

My friend's dh has autism (diagnosed), and sounds exactly like this. He is a nice decent person overall but comes across rude. She has had to ask him to shout "Hi, I'm back" when comes home for example; there was one time he just appeared somewhere and nearby gave her a heart attack.
Another example is she has to list jobs because everything is "shortly" so she fell into the trap of just doing it her self because he wasn't proactive. On the other hand he gets angry for her listing jobs, but then tells her that she should have asked. What seems to work for her is to sit down and write a list of what jobs are hers, and what are his, and then leave the ones that are his. For example clearing the table has to be left, then eventually he'll do it. I suspect he has a form of demand avoidance as well tbh.

I think when your dh is away there is maybe no bad feeling there because he isn't sitting around miserable, and shirking domestic duties.

Is your dh isn't a morning person tell him to do the evenings instead. I am sorry if I missed it, but does he only work weekends, while you're working all week?

My beloved and much-missed dad and I were both morning people, both wide awake the minute we opened our eyes, my lovely mum was definitely not. She would get up, make breakfast and make sure I was ready for school but my dad and I knew not to try and engage her in any in-depth conversation before she had drunk her first couple of cups of tea and had time to wake up properly. Dad and I would happily chat away at the breakfast table and give her the peace she needed, nothing positive would have come from trying to coerce her to join in with morning chatter!
My wonderful husband also takes some time to properly wake up in the morning, so I take the early shift with our toddler and he takes over once he's properly awake and alert, which works fine for us.

Even if he is unsociable or nd id say it to him, yes it’ll probably be an argument but just that in the morning he says nothing before he comes out irritated and you could add he wasn’t great to your mum

Yes. My husband does the morning get up, breakfast and out to nursery while I can just about get myself dressed and to work on time. I'm miserable in the mornings.

I'm a night owl and get my burts of energy around 6pm so I do bath and bed time while my husband sits and chills for the evening on the sofa. Then I'll do an hour of housework and join him on the sofa about 9 for an hour of relaxation before bed.

I probably end up doing more in the grand scheme of things but I don't mind because I don't have to deal with the morning rush. It's a trade off that works for both of us because he naturally wakes at 6.30 am and I sleep through at least two alarms but he's out of energy by 5pm and I'm full of it and can't sit still until later on.i do more night wake ups too because I find it easier than him.

My youngest is not a morning person. He needs a good 30minutes to be verbal/present - but I still get a groan and a pat-pat (or I'm allowed to pat-pat him when I say good morning, and he silently acknowledges it with his eyes)

Me and my other son are morning people - early risers who basically go from asleep to awake with very little in between, which I get can be annoying to the night owls, but I'm not expecting a full conversation or even words until he's ready, just some basic manners.

I would not be pleased if I got attitude.

You're not being unreasonable. Even if someone is not a morning person, they can still conform to the basic rules of civility i.e. say hello and have a few words with a visitor coming to your home to you a favour. I'm fine with someone not wanting to chat extensively first thing, but general moodiness not so much.

It's plain rudeness. He could make an effort if he wanted to.

Why would you be living separately from her? You'll likely get primary custody.

Sorry he's a shit

Exactly, or if the none morning person opts out of mornings, than they need to sort the evenings.

Surely the option to “not be a morning person” goes out the window once you have kids? He’s happily opting out of parenting every morning so he gets his lie-in and you do it all.

I think, yes, I could still understand it. My Mum was very much not a morning person and for over 40 years my Dad would persist in talking to (at) her constantly or asking questions about humdrum things that could wait. It caused collosal rows between them...she tried for decades to explain that she needed time to wake up properly in the mornings, he'd already been up ages, it was much worse in later years. I am a little like her though I come round more quickly but even so there have been times when my DH will tell me trivia from the minute I put the kettle on, but now knows a certain look means I Am Not Ready Yet.

And for all of those saying you're miserable in the mornings, are you full of energy later on when your parter cannot be bothered?

Taking them to school is the easy part isn't it, when somebody else has done the hard work and got them fully ready, and to the door? Sorry you're doing through this op, why does your dh only work on weekends?
Does he tend to say hi when he comes in a room, or home etc?

When I was working I used to get into the office very early to gather my thoughts before wankers started arriving and tried to talk to me. If I swiped into the door and some people were already there before me my heart used to sink. Then again it used to sink at all other times of the day too. I’m not very tolerant or sociable

I think once you have kids you should do the mornings the same as any other person, barring night shifts etc

I'm on your dh side, happily live in my own world waking up, till a couple of coffees. Even my kids know I will do everything for them before school just don't expect me to join in the giggles and chatter lol...just recently went away with my mum and totally forgot she's a chatterbox the minute she is awake awwww man I had to bite my toubge so many times and by the end of the week was just on auto nod and yes no till I'm awake haha

Esp as he wasn't bad or rude a while back... surely if ND, he'd have been rude all along?

ND does not equal bad and rude behaviour.

yanbu. So he gets to indulge in his grumpiness while you do everything? Nah, he's selfish and miserable.