AIBU to be annoyed by my husband's rude morning behaviour?

I think I could cope with his sitting apart quietly but be very strong about him not chivvying your daughter along and changing the peace of HER morning. Similarly he could train himself to say hello to MIL “Hello X, thanks for helping” back to sit and stare time.

I’d ask him to give others the consideration you give him (as above)

He isn’t in an office. He’s at home. Having said that, a good morning before going to have coffee alone is more reasonable and certainly he should not be taking it out on the DD rushing her like that.
Sounds as though he has checked out. You say you aren’t happily married. Sounds as though he isn’t either. He’s just marking time , maybe he’s making plans to go. Life is too short to stay in an unhappy marriage and I’d certainly be investigating my options.

Can you really see him doing that, when he currently does so little? A lot of men threaten going for 50/50 when they reality is they're happy with the 'freedom' of EOW, or less.

And why is it a risk? Do you have safeguarding concerns about him? If that's the case you should be leaving him and raising those concerns with the relevant people.

Which part? The husband needing time to come around in the morning or attention seeking adults wanting to be nd?

You need proper legal advice about this.

Start documenting or even recording instances of when he does this.
Document previous incidences.

Please do not allow him to use ND as an excuse to be a rude cunt!!! It’s NOT!

I’m autistic and I manage to be polite to people who do favours for me or my family. Like other posters have said, if he wouldn’t get away with it at work then he shouldn’t do it at home.

Honestly the benefits of your daughter having 6 days/nights a week in a positive fun environment with you will outweigh the one night/day she has to put up with his initial grumpiness. And if he doesn’t sort it out she will refuse to go and that’s on him to change. You can’t change him.

Life is too short to be with a misery who won’t even go to counselling.

Yes it’s rude as fuck. I’m the worst morning person in the world but I would never treat my MIL like that.

Well that changes things. She's only six. You get up early, and help her get herself ready, sit and chat at breakfast and spend time with her, making sure she has everything she needs.
You are giving her a really good start to the school day.

" me and DD have usually had a pretty calm nice morning he will emerge from his solitude to start angrily rushing DD as he is the one who walks her to school."
He is completely undoing all your good efforts and probably stressing your DD out into the bargain. Why is he so important that hsi walking her to school has to be done so unpleasantly? What a way to treat his own DD.

He's a rude pig not to even say even a basic good morning to his own mother too.

My husband was undiagnosed ND and could be absolutely appalling on a morning. At his worst times, he couldn't function at all and if things started badly, it would often stay with him for most of the day. It felt like he was completely happy just being laid there in his bed listening to me doing everything with 3 boys and 2 dogs and not give a dam. He would be very rude to people - especially to me and the boys - and didn't seem to care whether he upset anyone. Parents would pop in like yours and he'd either keep out of the way or barely manage a grunt. When things escalated with him, he'd be the same on a night too after work - just retreat to our bedroom watching YouTube or scrolling on his phone and allow me to deal with it all. I'd reached the end of my patience and like you, thought life would be much nicer with him absent.

Luckily, things came to a head several years ago and he has worked very very hard since on his mental health including being diagnosed. Once he opened up, had therapy, tried different medications and started to understand himself which in turn allowed me to understand him, it turns out he was actually laid in bed unable to get up, riddled with an anxiety that he couldn't control or understand, and riddled with guilt over it. By night time, he just couldn't function properly and he certainly wasn't aware of just how rude he was coming across. He was struggling and had no idea why or how to change things. To an outsider, even someone as close to him as me or his family, it just felt like he'd turned into a prick.

Your husband might not be the same as mine but it might be worth a conversation and look at things from another perspective before you give up completely.

Being neuro diverse isn't an excuse to be a dick.

Oh no I don't agree with lots of people who are saying he is just not a morning person.
You said he isn't working yet from the sounds of it you are the one who gets up and does all of the jobs and organizing to get your daughter out the door. I would be royally ticked off too!

Not being a morning person is no excuse for being miserable around others or getting cranky with your daughter to get her out the door. Also, I would be mortified if my husband essentially ignored my mother while she was in our house.

I think you're definitely not being unreasonable and you should tell him that his humour in the morning is affecting those around him!

To be honest I think your daughter would be better off if you split - at least that way she would have one home where she felt comfortable and didn't have to walk on eggshells. At the moment she doesn't have that

You should help with the DC in the morning. It's not fair to leave it all to him.

I just don't see that you both need to thank her, I guess. I wouldn't expect DH to come and chat/thank my mum for something like that.

By focusing on the little things you're not going to get anywhere with the bigger picture.

Their washing machine was broken! So your would rather hand wash all your clothes presumably? Bloody hell the woman was doing them (including Mr Miserable) a favour! She was washing his filthy underwear and socks etc... and the rude git couldn't even acknowledge her.

He should be involved in getting your daughter up and ready so you can focus fully on wfh. It doesn’t take two people to get a child to school.

But you're focusing on the wrong thing - which is that you've done everything and he's done nothing. The fact that he didn't want to talk to his MIL is irrelevant to your issue.

If he’s also unhappy in this marriage it’s no wonder he barely talks or isn’t full of bounce in a morning

It is getting pretty ridiculous everyone blames ND on sh1tty and lazy parenting..

Wow really? That's super kind and empathic of you.

So unfair your daughter having to live like this. What’s the point? Likelihood is she will be with you full time? Odd weekend he will want her, then it will fade and he will get fed up of having to solo parent and do everything. Your daughter deserves to live in a happy home. My cousin actually disowned her mother for staying with her father, it’s given her borderline personality disorder growing up around and in a toxic home, she struggled with relationships as well. Not fair at all.