Page 2 | AIBU to be annoyed by my husband's rude morning behaviour?

Bronzeacorn · 2026-09-07T08:30:27+00:00

This might be perimenopausal rage so just need you ladies to tell me if I'm being unreasonable. Every morning I get up before my DD, I pack her lunch and schoolbag, make her breakfast, feed the dog, log on to work,make sure she gets out of bed on time and washes face/brushes teeth/gets dressed then I sit at the table with her chatting to her and simultaneously working on my laptop while she eats breakfast. My DH usually works weekends so hes off during the week but he gets up 20 mins after DD (1hr 20mins after me) and barely says hello. He goes and sits in the living room and has his coffee alone, then after me and DD have usually had a pretty calm nice morning he will emerge from his solitude to start angrily rushing DD as he is the one who walks her to school. Today my mum very kindly called during the morning and took a basket of our laundry to do as our washing machine packed up, it was a very kind offer from her so i was very grateful but DH barely said hello to her and didn't come into the kitchen at all while my mum sat and had coffee with me and DD. I know I'm kind of being a martyr listing all the things I do but like I don't even care that I do everything if he wasn't so bloody rude. Hes going through ND diagnosis so perhaps that's a factor but still AIBU to be annoyed about his rudeness?

sunshinetimes · 08/09/2026 17:07

@Bronzeacorn don't pay attention to the posters still fixating on 'not being a morning person' or criticising your mum, those inputs are not relevant.

What is relevant is that this seems like a really unhappy atmosphere for you and your daughter. While you are worrying that she may have some time solo with him, you are forgetting that at the moment ALL her time is WITH him.

Yes, you are there too, but how much more peaceful and calm would her life be if she was with just Mum most of the time, without the looming specter of her grumpy Dad?

Also if he really did want to have her overnight, he would soon see how much hard work it is on his own and may not want to continue with any regularity.

Think carefully about whether it would be doing the kindest thing for your daughter to leave him. He won't change.

Missedquirks · 08/09/2026 16:43

Sounds to me like the marriage has become shit and he has lost respect for you. So because he doesn’t care about the marriage, he doesn’t care whether you think he’s an arse in the morning or not.

OP, this is going to be a Terrible atmosphere for your only child

Missedquirks · 08/09/2026 16:41

Bronzeacorn · 08/09/2026 16:26

I thought I had answered previously but no he wasn't always like this prob started 3 years ago and its become really bad over the last year.

Show quote history

And would this coincide with when the marriage started to deteriorate generally?

seahorsessky · 08/09/2026 16:28

If he only works weekends and has chosen to be the drop off parent he does really need to try to be nicer (just like you have to act it at work even when you're feeling rubbish!); it was rude to be like that with your mum.

Original poster

Bronzeacorn · 08/09/2026 16:26

Missedquirks · 08/09/2026 16:22

Why don’t you want to answer if he’s always been like this or recent development @Bronzeacorn ?

I thought I had answered previously but no he wasn't always like this prob started 3 years ago and its become really bad over the last year.

OP posts:

Newbutoldfather · 08/09/2026 16:25

I’m just flabbergasted by this thread.

Some things have really changed and it is making me feel old!

How can it be ok to just decide not to talk in the morning? Anyone who looks after a child can’t do that. What about if you have to work early (I used to be in work 7:30 most mornings), shift workers, farmers etc etc?!

You can not enjoy talking or not be at your best, but that is a massive difference. A lot of people seek to be mistaking not wanting to do something with not being able to do something.

Original poster

Bronzeacorn · 08/09/2026 16:24

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 08/09/2026 16:23

Yep, I absolutely know it wouldn't suit me, don't worry. Being a parent sounds absolutely horrendous to me.

I still think you're focusing on all the wrong things here. You clearly despise your DH yet you also refuse to leave him so this entire thread seems a bit pointless.

Show quote history

Feel free to stop commenting at any time, this isn't a hostage situation.

OP posts:

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 08/09/2026 16:23

Bronzeacorn · 08/09/2026 16:20

It's not OK to not talk in the morning when you have a child who wants to talk.... no child should be forced to sit in silence because their parent prioritises their own needs over the needs of their child. None of us bounce out of bed in great form but we shake it off and put on a smile and sunny dispsition so that our kids feel loved and happy heading out for a day in school. You did the right thing not having kids it definitely doesn't sound like it would suit you.

Show quote history

Yep, I absolutely know it wouldn't suit me, don't worry. Being a parent sounds absolutely horrendous to me.

I still think you're focusing on all the wrong things here. You clearly despise your DH yet you also refuse to leave him so this entire thread seems a bit pointless.

Missedquirks · 08/09/2026 16:22

Why don’t you want to answer if he’s always been like this or recent development @Bronzeacorn ?

Original poster

Bronzeacorn · 08/09/2026 16:20

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 08/09/2026 15:48

Well, I can't answer that - I don't have kids precisely because I know I wouldn't be able to cope with them.

I do, however, think there's a difference between being rude and just not wanting to talk in the morning - it's okay to be the latter, whether you have kids or not.

Show quote history

It's not OK to not talk in the morning when you have a child who wants to talk.... no child should be forced to sit in silence because their parent prioritises their own needs over the needs of their child. None of us bounce out of bed in great form but we shake it off and put on a smile and sunny dispsition so that our kids feel loved and happy heading out for a day in school. You did the right thing not having kids it definitely doesn't sound like it would suit you.

OP posts:

Missedquirks · 08/09/2026 16:06

BitOutOfPractice · 08/09/2026 16:00

so when your dh brings you your coffee, do you ignore him, refuse to thank him?

Show quote history

Good question! @Kazzybingbong ?

BitOutOfPractice · 08/09/2026 16:00

Kazzybingbong · 08/09/2026 08:05

Being an ND person myself, I can relate to your husband. I need to drink my coffee in peace in the morning while I come round and any visitors during that time, I hide from.

I’m sure my behaviour is rude and awful but I can’t help it. It has to be that way or it messes me up.

I’m not angry with my family during it though. My husband brings me coffee in bed while I wait for my painkillers to kick in. I only come out when I know I can begin to function.

so when your dh brings you your coffee, do you ignore him, refuse to thank him?

Newbutoldfather · 08/09/2026 15:58

He’s rude.

I am so surprised at people excusing him for not being a ‘morning person’.

None of these ‘not a morning person’ people would have any problem being sociable in the morning if they were getting something they really wanted.

Sometimes you just have to make yourself do things, and that includes being with your 6 year old child and being decent and polite to your mother in law. We live in a very self-indulgent society.

Missedquirks · 08/09/2026 15:53

Bronzeacorn · 08/09/2026 15:36

So what would happen if you were a single parent with kids to get out the door in the morning?... the children would have to go out to school every morning without chatting, even if something was making them anxious at school forced to sit in silence eating their breakfast while grumpy mum drinks her coffee because "she's not a morning person".... its just such a cop out. Get up earlier and be a human when you are part of a family especially young children who deserve connection whether you want to or not.

Show quote history

Ok has he always been like this?

Either way… you clearly despise him and he seems to feel the same way.

This is no way for anyone to live.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 08/09/2026 15:48

Bronzeacorn · 08/09/2026 15:36

So what would happen if you were a single parent with kids to get out the door in the morning?... the children would have to go out to school every morning without chatting, even if something was making them anxious at school forced to sit in silence eating their breakfast while grumpy mum drinks her coffee because "she's not a morning person".... its just such a cop out. Get up earlier and be a human when you are part of a family especially young children who deserve connection whether you want to or not.

Show quote history

Well, I can't answer that - I don't have kids precisely because I know I wouldn't be able to cope with them.

I do, however, think there's a difference between being rude and just not wanting to talk in the morning - it's okay to be the latter, whether you have kids or not.

newberry · 08/09/2026 15:41

Bronzeacorn · 08/09/2026 15:36

So what would happen if you were a single parent with kids to get out the door in the morning?... the children would have to go out to school every morning without chatting, even if something was making them anxious at school forced to sit in silence eating their breakfast while grumpy mum drinks her coffee because "she's not a morning person".... its just such a cop out. Get up earlier and be a human when you are part of a family especially young children who deserve connection whether you want to or not.

Show quote history

I agree with you OP. I am also ND, and not a morning person (I used to sleep in until noon), but now I have kids so I get up early every day and I still manage to be nice to them and DH. Being ND is not an excuse for grumpiness and being tired is not an excuse for grumpiness. In fact, I don't think there's ever an excuse for grumpiness really. Just be pleasant, and if you have a problem with something communicate it in a polite and mature way.

Retro12 · 08/09/2026 15:40

I can't believe how many people think that are saying "I'm not a morning person" as an excuse for bad fucking manners!! The lady, his MIL, is doing him and his family a favour. She could have come round later but he didn't want to answer the door to her. He's grunted at her to say hello and walked off! He is vile!

Original poster

Bronzeacorn · 08/09/2026 15:36

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 08/09/2026 15:11

Or people can just respect that not everyone wants to chat in the morning?

I am similar to PP in that I'm ND and need that first hour to get myself sorted in my head for the day ahead - if someone suggested I got an hour less sleep to accommodate their desire to natter on at me, they'd get pretty short shrift.

Show quote history

So what would happen if you were a single parent with kids to get out the door in the morning?... the children would have to go out to school every morning without chatting, even if something was making them anxious at school forced to sit in silence eating their breakfast while grumpy mum drinks her coffee because "she's not a morning person".... its just such a cop out. Get up earlier and be a human when you are part of a family especially young children who deserve connection whether you want to or not.

OP posts:

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 08/09/2026 15:11

Bronzeacorn · 08/09/2026 09:28

Well would the reasonable thing to do in that situation be for YOU to be the one getting up an hour earlier so that you can be less rude to your loved ones and have come round by the time they get up?

Show quote history

Or people can just respect that not everyone wants to chat in the morning?

I am similar to PP in that I'm ND and need that first hour to get myself sorted in my head for the day ahead - if someone suggested I got an hour less sleep to accommodate their desire to natter on at me, they'd get pretty short shrift.

Missedquirks · 08/09/2026 15:05

Has he always been like this in the morning?

Either way, sounds like the issue is much broader than this. An unhappy marriage on both sides.

Original poster

Bronzeacorn · 08/09/2026 09:28

Kazzybingbong · 08/09/2026 08:05

Being an ND person myself, I can relate to your husband. I need to drink my coffee in peace in the morning while I come round and any visitors during that time, I hide from.

I’m sure my behaviour is rude and awful but I can’t help it. It has to be that way or it messes me up.

I’m not angry with my family during it though. My husband brings me coffee in bed while I wait for my painkillers to kick in. I only come out when I know I can begin to function.

Well would the reasonable thing to do in that situation be for YOU to be the one getting up an hour earlier so that you can be less rude to your loved ones and have come round by the time they get up?

OP posts:

Kazzybingbong · 08/09/2026 08:05

Being an ND person myself, I can relate to your husband. I need to drink my coffee in peace in the morning while I come round and any visitors during that time, I hide from.

I’m sure my behaviour is rude and awful but I can’t help it. It has to be that way or it messes me up.

I’m not angry with my family during it though. My husband brings me coffee in bed while I wait for my painkillers to kick in. I only come out when I know I can begin to function.

Lanaz20 · 08/09/2026 02:50

Can you start quiet quitting and preparing to leave in a few years or when you can face it? I know you have said you can't bear to be separated from your daughter and I can completely understand that, truly. But it's that thing- would you want this marriage for her? As role modeling staying normalises this as ok for her unfortunately.

baroqueandblue · 07/09/2026 23:27

Bronzeacorn · 07/09/2026 09:58

He is not unkind but definitely is regularly not polite.... like he will often fully ignore me if i speak to him or grunt/give one word answers. Recently he's been in bad form pretty much all the time.
We are not happily married, if he was to leave I think I.would feel relieved but I cant bear to think of living separately to my daughter so I won't leave myself.
Bit of a mess.

Show quote history

Sorry to hear that OP, it does sound really difficult. I just don't understand why someone like him ever thought he was the marrying type 🤷🏻‍♂️

DarkchocolateAndtea · 07/09/2026 22:40

Bronzeacorn · 07/09/2026 16:49

He said he didn't want to deal with her "by himself" that would suggest both of us could be there and he could at least make a coffee for her considering I'm trying to work and simultaneously braid my DDs hair.

Show quote history

Did you ask him to make the coffees? I understand you shouldn't have to, but evidently you do in your situation. I find the more you do the less he'll do.