AIBU to stop attending family gatherings after MIL's favouritism?

I think when pushed, you should tell your DH (or MIL) that you are teaching your daughters that they don’t have to tolerate disrespect or demand attention from people who simply aren’t interested.

My paternal grandfather was like this. Showed favouritism to his new GFs family over us, in a very obvious way.
It was hurtful and even as small kids we noticed. Things like her kids school photos being displayed in their lounge but not ours (although my dad had given him some of ours.)
Getting a low value, thoughtless voucher for birthday/Xmas while her IDs were favoured with lavish gifts, with his money.
Making snarky, hurtful comments to my parents and showing up inexcusably late on Xmas day, meaning dinner was overcooked and ruined.
It hurt and the older I got the more it upset me. I was happy not to see him anymore as a teen when we moved away.
The final insult was the inheritance when he died leaving it practically all to his GFs good for nothing son, and a paltry sum for a family.
Do your kids a favour and stay away! Toxic family aren't worth it.

Just go as LC as you can. Sounds like your husband will support you.

If she tells this story about DHs ex was she a big fan of her. Is she annoyed they aren’t together anymore, blames you?

Unfortunately these posts are difficult, as we only have one side. Presumably your in-laws have taken offence at something you’re perceived to have done, that maybe you’re unaware of?

Ideally, I wouldn’t bother with these events, but I’m guessing it’s tricky because it would make your husband feel awkward and he is important to you? So moving forward, I’d keep it really boundaried if you do go, and don’t give them anything of your personal life, don’t bother bringing your children into conversation and just let it wash over you. You won’t change them and they sound absolutely awful. They missed out having you properly in their life.

MIL - DIL relationships are historically not great. You are not going to change her behaviour. For whatever reason it sounds like she has taken a dislike to you and is doing her best to be unkind. She may well be jealous of you.
I suggest you keep your distance, but don’t cut her out completely. When she starts repeating one of her stories just smile and say ‘oh yes, you’ve told us that before’. Let’s say she wants you at her house at 3 o’clock, make sure you have somewhere else to be at about 5 o’clock. If she doesn’t show any interest in your children, that’s her loss. Just start being a bit vague with her. It’s a terrible way to behave in front of her grandchildren. Shame on her.

If you don't need to be there find an excuse. I did for different reasons but my FIL was an ah and constantly talked about his new partner's grandson, totally ignoring his own. He was resentful that we had moved away from his area but such a childish response! He was a difficult individual anyway so I started to anticipate possible gatherings and made solid plans for other commitments. Worked a treat 😁

No yanbu, just stay away from her, she's toxic and you don't need to socialise with someone who makes you feel upset and disregarded

It sounds as if your MiL has a problem with your dh. She evidently dislikes him and the feeling is extended to you and your dc. That the stepfather has also made unpleasant comments shows that she’s been discussing your family with him and her animosity has transferred to him. You won’t be able to win them over. I’d give them a wide berth. If your husband can manage with nc with his parents, so can you.

This.

I would not go to her house anymore. Your children will not miss out on anything by not seeing someone that doesn't seem to like them. I'm sorry, I know it's hurtful but it does seem that she doesn't like you all. I'd focus on your nuclear family and make new friends and create your own extended family. Your Husband can go over there if he wants to, but I would not go or let my children go.

Does she actually do anything though, tge football comment, will she actually go? It is all performative and for show? Therefore it stings you as it dounds like she’s interested in others but doesn’t actually do any more for others?

Stop all contact

Do you often meet up with her just with just your family I.e. no aunts uncles cousins there ?
The reason I ask is that at family events I am always more inclined to talk more / ask more questions to family members who I don't see so often.
I see my mum /sister etc all the time so I don't need to talk to them when we are all in the company of extended family.
X

Girl you are asking this a decade too late because if I was being disrespected and my husband a) didn’t care about his family or b) didn’t stand up for you vocally, I would have cut contact way sooner. Why are you giving these people any time or energy. Nothing at all negative will come from going no contact. Stop contacting them. Stop making an effort. Unfriend them on socials and go live in peace.

YANBU at all but YABU to tolerate this! Defend your poor DC, please! It’s literally your job as her mother

Sounds like my mil.

do you have a boyfriend / girlfriend?
How was school today?
Haven’t you grown / are you taller than me yet to the younger one?

Nothing more than the child version of adults talking about the weather basically. No depth because they don’t know anything and they are not really that interested in the answer either.

Much like a you alright when you walk by someone you know out of politeness but you keep walking not really wanting an answer.

Any interests my children do have because they are not her interests she won’t even humour them. Wheres my mum will sit and watch and listen to whatever bullshit they want to tell her even if she doesn’t quite get it because she wants to know more and have a relationship with them.

The one who is really letting you down here is your DH. He’s ok with all of this?? He’s ok to sit back and allow his own kids being treated like this??
your Mil does this because your Dh ALLOWS HER TO.

That is so hurtful, your poor daughter. Honestly I’d stop going to these events
as I wouldn’t want them to treat my children this way. Is they ask why you didn’t come then your husband can explain.

You're definitely not being unreasonable. I think the best thing I ever realised is that you can do whatever the hell makes you comfortable. People will talk poo about you whether you show up or not.

Also make a joke of mil recounting the 15 year old story.

Try this - give them space when they behave badly and give them your time when they behave well. Eventually they will catch on but it might take a while.

Stay away and keep your daughter away. Your husband can please himself

Absolutely no way I’d still be turning up. Free time is precious, as is petrol money. Spend them wisely.