To think the “red flag” documentaries should be played at school

I have not seen the documentaries.

My dad loved my mum and treated her like a queen.

In return my mother abused me in what would now be classified as coercive control. She controlled me financially, when we moved to a new area she cut off contact with the relatives she felt 'beneath her' (I was 9 when we moved).

This was all pre internet. I knew I wasn't happy but I had no idea it was a form of abuse.

indeed

but if you are going to teach then about red flags it would be a glaring omission not to include sex… wouldn’t you agree?

But the Op would have it they’d never been taught a biology lesson about sex before have a red flag documentary shoved in their faces

Observing your parents is fine if they have a healthy/respectful relationship as the kids will likely grow up to have healthy/respectful relationships.

But what if it's a single parent household? What if the parents' relationship is abusive - then the kids grow up with no concept of what a healthy/respectful relationship looks likes. It's why kids need to be "taught" elsewhere, just in case they're not getting the right advice at home.

Because not all abuse is related to sex/rape etc. What about emotional abuse? What about boys who are "abusing" girls without having sex, i.e. love bombing, bullying, and all other forms of abuse short of sex.

Yes, in an ideal World. But we don't live in an ideal World and however much you "tell" men not to rape and abuse women, some will still do it. We can't police the entire World, so even if somehow we managed to "educate" men in the UK, we can do nothing about the billions brought up elsewhere in less enlightened countries. There's only so much we could achieve by education. Some people will never be "trained" not to abuse women. We NEED policing, punishments etc too. People are brought up not to murder, but some still do it.

Of course 11 year olds need to know about sex. 11 year old girls frequently are menstruating. 11 year old boys get erections and can ejaculate. Why on earth WOULDN'T you educate them about sex?

We need to watch out for the ‘Be Kind ‘ message too directed at our girls and ensure that they understand that their safety and wellbeing comes first above the prioritisation of male ego and wishes.

Much of media and the education system gives girls the impression that they need to bend to men’s wishes and desires instead of concentrating on their own wishes and preferences.

I think your phrasing was unfortunate OP because people have taken it to mean low levels of general education predispose women to abuse (which in fairness, they do as education increases options and power and lack of increases vulnerability) however, I think what you're saying is uneducated on the red flags of abuse?
I agree with you that it's important for young people to be aware. I also think the school environment is a good place for this to happen rather than relying on the varying knowledge of individual parents.
I also agree that it's a serious problem that has been referred to as an epidemic and, as I heard Jess Philips say when she was responsible for this area, it's 'trending young'. So I'm supportive of preventative measures.
I haven't seen these documentaries so can't comment on whether they're the best tools. But I definitely support the principle.

This is year 6 the Op is talking about
The next year heading off to secondary school
a basic biology lesson about sex is absolutely the right thing

whereas the Op wants to skip the biology lesson and go straight to a red flag documentary (where presumably sex features!)

I know… utterly bizarre

Were you ok with them learning about inappropriate things like sex at the primary school age?

It isn't inappropriate to learn about sex in primary school

So you think they shouldn’t learn about the basics of sex and relationships in primary school but they should learn about abusive relationships?? How could they possibly grasp that if they don’t even know what sex is?!

It should be taught in a professional setting such as school so yes I agree with the poster.

I would 100% support this. I have 2 teenagers daughters and I am always giving advice even about men. Young Girls / women are naive and do not know the things we older ladies do but we learnt the hard way. As the schools are unlikely to start doing this you can make sure your daughters watch this at home.

Or parents could parent and discuss these things at home.

That's assuming the young people have parents that treat each other with respect and that one of them isn't abusing the other. There is a lot to be said about having parents as decent role models.

How many times have we read about abusive relationships on here from women who haven't had a decent relationship modelled to them by parents? Far too many. These women don't know how to recognise red flags because that is their norm.

I think it starts at home at the most important factor is how you see your mother being treated by your father.

I agree with this ^^ @Thepeopleversuswork

I haven’t seen the specific documentaries you refer to, so can’t comment on them.

However I do think it would be good if there was detailed teaching and discussion around the early signs of abuse. Of course parents should (and some do) teach and discuss it at home, but by making it part of mainstream education, it ensures the vast majority of children learn about it AND makes very clear how wrong it is and the consequences. That then normalises seeing and pointing out to peers when the signs arise. That is how societal shifts are created; widespread information and discussion. It could save lives.

Parents need to help their children. You cant expect schools to provide every life lesson

Kids don't listen to teachers either Treating partners with respect is covered in the school the curriculum, and maybe showing parts of a documentary might be a good idea.

Completely agree OP and boys need to be taught that this behaviour is unacceptable, much like they've done with consent - if you don't have it, you're a rapist and if you engage in these behaviours, you are an abuser.

While I agree that some of this needs to start at home, as a pp points out it really does start with role modelling and if children are raised in homes where this behaviour happens then it is normalised. Therefore teaching them it's not normal and it's wrong is necessary. PHSE covers all manner of issues and this is important, especially given the manosphere influence.

Schools should absolutely be teaching about mortgages and taxes

I think you have misinterpreted what I meant. I don’t mean up the consequences for male violence. I think there needs to be more work on dealing with where male violence against women comes from - deep rooted misogyny and gender stereotypes. In my opinion, it starts from babies where boys are treated differently to girls with a whole different set of expectations (not by all but I see it all of the time as a teacher). Healthy relationships need to be modelled at home too and judging by the threads on here that is nowhere near!

I am saying the response cannot always be show girls how to spot abuse or show girls how to get out. Yes it’s a part of it but the issue is so far reaching and intertwined into every day life that it wouldn’t even be a drop in the ocean.

Because it’ll take decades to change and control behaviour, so people need to take their own precautions in the here and now. We shouldn’t have to look our houses and cars but we know it’s stupid not to. How do you propose to make society safe otherwise? How any more police? How many more prison places? How many more criminal courts? How many more social workers and probation workers? It’s quicker and simpler to help people look after themselves to prevent bad things happening rather than wait decades during which people continue to be abused before the perpetrators finally get locked up.

I think recognising abuse definitely needs to be talked about more with young women. Absolutely anyone from any background can become victim to abusive men. Unfortunately it's one of those things where when your in the midst of it it seems impossible to see. Most women will feel confused and wondering if they are the problem. But highlighting it for young girls would certainly be more helpful than not. Unfortunately I think most young women base relationships on their parents and until good relationships are modelled they will have no idea what they look like.

But lots of parents don’t or can’t. Lots of abuse happens to kids in care with no parents. Someone needs to step in to inform vulnerable children. If parents or carers don’t do it then schools are the only other option.

You think 11 years olds should be heading off to secondary school never having had a biology lesson about sex @sodoffbeforemycupofcoff ?

Can you post them? Where are the stats you refer to and who produced them - to prove that domestic abuse is at epidemic levels?

I am not denying it per se, but it would be relevant to see the stats and source