Does this parenting phase happen to everyone and when does it end?

YANBU. I really struggled with the stage between dropping naps (so 2.5ish) and about 4 and a half. I was either at work, on the way to or from nursery or on the floor playing Hot Wheels City or football in the garden. He also required 90 minutes of shushing and hand-holding to sleep. It was really hard and I had DH to help. One of the many reasons we stopped at one!

Do things that involve others so it’s less intense. If it’s just you and him constantly it’s not going to work and anyone would feel mad. Do the essential chores while he’s watching the telly or eating his meals. Not after you’ve put him to bed. That is your precious time.

And yeah asking mine for a bit of peace doesn’t work; they adhere to it for five seconds and then just start talking again!

I remember feeling like this with my five year old last May. I felt so awful about it but at the same time furious. I just wanted to zone out and relax and he kept demanding my attention with inane questions and observations ‘mummy there is a tree’.

The problem is the more I pulled back the more he came at me and we ended up in such a horrible cycle.

I do massively sympathise though @Eightfourten . I remember asking ChatGPT why I was so furiously angry all the time and it’s a sign of burnout and I was.

As others have said - it does honestly get better. You're in the exhausting, chatty trenches now. I echo the 'give yourself an evening off from the chores regularly'. I used to hide in the bath so I didn't see all the stuff I 'should' be doing and read for hours. I also did the 'we don't chatter at Mummy until she's had her coffee in the morning' and made tidying up a game before bed so I wasn't having to do it after bedtime. With my eldest, I got her to 'help' load and unload the washing machine and play 'the sock game' (both have a damp sock on a hand and see who can get it dirtiest by cleaning surfaces) because 1. Helped a bit with chores and left more evening downtime 2. Kept her a bit distracted and unclingy for 5 mins. None of it was laziness (although it might sound it) - I didn't want to keep getting snappy with her and realised I needed some downtime

Ah, try ‘mm hmm’ mode every time he says something. Or remind him ‘this is mummy’s quiet time’ and don’t engage further.

My friend made her four kids have an hour in their rooms every day after lunch until the youngest went to school. They’re all fine. Constant attention isn’t a necessity.

You are not a shit parent but your ex is.

3 was a very hard age for me. I also think this was never how we were supposed to do it. We used to bring children with a village precisely because it’s impossible not to get irritated with a child for 10 days straight and no respite. It sounds like you’re doing brilliantly OP. This too shall pass xx

Ignore, remind him of the rules, reward good behaviour etc

I feel like this with my 2 year old and my husband really does his 50% of the work so I can only imagine how hard it is alone. My mum was a single mum and now I understand why she was frazzled and shouted at me constantly. I feel like that by the time my husband takes over so I could easily end up like that if I got no breaks. Solidarity and don't feel bad, you're doing your best and it's so hard

Oh age 3! Get a cheap Amazon fire, download bbc app put on CBeebies he can wear Bluetooth headphones you sit next to him on the sofa or like I did scandalously IN BED with a cup of tea. You get 20 mins peace. Works a treat. Start with Tractor Ted or Teletubbies and work your way up. A few times a day 15-20 mins max. Resets the old sanity. If you can train him to wear the headphones in the car you’re onto a winner.

I have a 3 and 4 year old . Big difference in that 18 months. My 3 year old is incredible but wants constant interaction. I sometimes could scream . And I’m not a lone parent so you are doing amazing.
i try to always get out on weekends then that takes some energy out of them. Use the TV for an hours relief!!!

I really really struggled on days when my girls should have been with their dad.

It was like my brain kept adding “and you’re meant to be having a break today…” to every annoying thing, which of course made them even more relentless and annoying.

It does get easier. It’s hard though, it’s very very hard.

It’s ok to say ‘mummy is having some quiet time while we drive to Tesco, why don’t you look at your books’ for example. You are not a servant to a tiny human. He will grow up just fine because you are clearly an excellent mother, but it’s also ok to set some boundaries. I used to have coffee time during which the kids knew I sat on my butt for 15 minutes 🤣

Don’t let some kind of mum guilt take over every interaction; you don’t need to be having deep and meaningfuls all the time; he knows you love him.

You don't HAVE to give them your full attention at all times.
You can have some rules like - quiet time in the car, mummy's listening to the radio.
Mummy's sitting down and having a coffee so don't bother her.
30 minutes quiet time after lunch so go and play in your room until the timer goes off.
Can you tell I'm a big fan of quiet time 😂

@Eightfourten Do you ever say “No. Mummy is busy”? I even used to say “BE Quiet! if it was too much. He really needs to learn to respect your requests and if you say not now, you mean it. You don’t have to keep responding and giving him what he wants. Say you are busy. Say he has to wait. If he has a tantrum, stick to your guns. If you are driving say you need to drive safely! Learn to not answer from time to time. He’s an only child so he’s only got you for most of the time and he’s clearly attention seeking. It’s perfectly ok for you to say “ I’m busy - just wait!”

Get dad to have him one weekend in two. Get him picked up on a Friday and back with you Sunday evening. He’s being a bit light on parenting. Why can he not do more when he’s around?

At this age with my DD favourite thing was when you get out of the car before you go round to get the child from their seat in the back. The silence! It was like a mini holiday. She was (and is) funny, clever, charming. But still three! It will get better, and you’ll congratulate yourself for getting through this stage.

You need to cut yourself some slack.
Three years old are a bit of a pain in the ass.
Make sure he doesn't nap, bed at a decent time after lots of outdoor time in morning and let him watch some TV (like the Julia Donaldson stuff on BBC iPlayer - 20 ISH mins each) so you can have some respite.

It's hard work. I also think it's almost harder with just one. I had another when my son was 2 so he had a playmate from 3.

Absolutely this - sometimes you have to just ignore everything and do nothing once they're in bed. Sometimes I'd stay up late just to feel normal, even though I knew I'd be paying for it by being knackered later, but it was worth it to not feel like my life was entirely someone else's

Totally normal and you’re doing an amazing job. I’m not a solo parent, but if DH is away on a work trip or something I try and get house jobs done in the day so once bedtime is over I can just relax. Easier said than done with a three year old I know. I’ll say eg, I need to do the washing up. Let’s pick something to we can listen to while I do that and you can listen and play with X Y or Z,’ - the CBeebies podcasts are a hit with my three year old - Mr Tumble and Numberblocks. Also we do fantasy games that involve my character having a bedtime - manage to get in micro naps that way. And I’m a big fan of good quality screen time and sometimes we eat in front of a programme or film that we can enjoy together.

This is the point at which I put the TV on, provide snacks and retreat tbh. We've all been told that screen time is less than ideal, which I get, but so is having a parent who is completely parented out. Sometimes it's about picking the lesser evil.

I taught my dc that when mummy has a cup of tea they need to leave me alone until I finished it. I remember another mum being horrified but I needed to save my sanity. I’m not a single mum but have 3 dc including twins. Age 3 they are really funny but my goodness, that stage was exhausting. I’d be resentful of ex in your situation.

You do not sound like the worst mum in the world. You are, I'm sure, not a remotely awful person. You are just coping mostly alone with what is the inherently stressful, magical, exhausting, complicated business of raising a child.

It doesn't matter if other people tell you that they find it all easy and delightful. Fair comparisons don't exist because:

• Some children happen to be inherently more exhausting than others;
• Some stages of child development can be inherently tougher than others, or we might be inherently less suited to them by temperament (personally I have a 3-year-old and I love the questions and the silly voices, but I found the first 9 months of being a mum really really tough. There will probably be phases in the future that I find really tough. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses);
• We all come to parenthood with different vulnerabilities: different life experiences, different personalities, different things that trigger our emotions. We haven't all been on the same journey through life and that inevitably impacts on what presses our buttons;
• We all have different levels of support around us. I have a partner who gives me breaks and shares the load. You do not. Some people have loads of wider family or friends who support them and share the load. Many do not:
• We all have different financial and practical resources. Some parents can throw money at fancy days out and kiddie classes and distractions and babysitters at the drop of a hat, whilst some cannot. Some of us live an easy distance from playgrounds and interesting places to visit and supportive families, and some of us do not.

Please don't blame yourself for what you feel.

If you want practical advice, I'm sure there is plenty that could help, but ideally it would be provided by someone who knows you and the context of your life rather than by strangers who don't understand the specifics of your situation, your personality and the personality of your kid.