Does this parenting phase happen to everyone and when does it end?

@Debatingthings I know but when something is on in the car he just talks over it whereas when it’s on headphones, he doesn’t. Thanks, though! The problem is that the younger one hasn’t quite got the skills to just put the card in and listen, wants the same song x 100, keeps taking the card in and out and then has a tantrum, I am very much hoping that this will improve soon!

I still feel
like this now and mine are older so not sure it’s an age thing but tbh they haven’t seen their father in 3 years

Hopefully ex can take him next weekend. Working full time is tough in itself let alone with a 3 year old to occupy and house to run .

I googled some game ideas where you get to lie down 😆

The "Sick Patient" Game: You lie on the sofa or floor wrapped in a blanket. He is the doctor. His job is to listen to your heartbeat, put plasters on you, or "check your temperature." You get to lie completely still in silence.

The Beauty Salon: Lie on the floor on a pillow. Give him a hairbrush, some bobbles, or a couple of makeup brushes (with no makeup on them). Let him "style" your hair or brush your face.

The Sleeping Giant / Zoo Keeper: You are a sleeping bear or giant. He has to quietly sneak around the room to build a "cage" around you with cushions or toys without waking you up. If he makes a noise, you just give a little snore.

The "Draw on Mum's Back" Game: Lie on your front. Tell him your back is a canvas and he has to trace shapes, cars, or letters on your back with his finger, and you have to "guess" what it is. It’s basically a free, albeit chaotic, back massage. Loads more ideas online but didn't want to overwhelm you when you already are 😊

Lots of dads work away (services) and have to go abroad. There’s many women coping with more than one child. Many dads work long hours and don’t do that much. I don’t see why this dad won’t do more at the weekends when he is around though. No-one ever goes to court to say they want less contact time though do they?

It is definitely not just you, OP.
3 is so hard! Of all the ages and stages leading up to our current 3yrs 8 months, 3 has provided some of the biggest parental rollercoasters.
I think for me an experience today really sums it up:
We went to RHS Bridgewater and she was a bit cranky, but not too bad, had a brilliant time playing and saw a couple of friends ... then it was time to go and we had a level 5 tantrum! It was mega!
Bundled her into the car, stayed calm and quiet, and eventually the storm passed.
We got home and I helped her blow her nose and we had a cuddle, I set her up with an episode of Bluey so I could go to the bathroom. Two minutes later there is knock at the door:
"Mummy? Are you okay in there?"
"Yes, love. I'll just be a minute."
"Can I come in?"
"No."
"Can I wait outside?"
"Okay."
"Yay!! I can't wait to see you!"

They push our buttons and drive us bonkers, but who else is genuinely delighted to be allowed to wait outside a toilet door for us and would rather do that than watch their favourite show?!
If anyone else gave us that kind of emotional whiplash, we'd be mad to stick with them, but three is it's own kind of magic.

Keep going @Eightfourten . To borrow from dear Bluey: "there's something you need to know: you're doing great" ❤️

I really recommend a Yoto if you can afford one, my 3.5 year old loves hers and is constantly listening to topsy and tim. Seems to extend her solo play time significantly and also means I don't have so much tv time guilt. Bluetooth headphones also a good idea for the car! Precious downtime

It definitely is an introvert/extrovert thing, I like to socialise but am an introvert in terms of needing quiet time to recharge

Thank god I'm not a solo parent, I'd never cope, I'm so full of awe at the way solo parents hold it all together 👏

If you have Android auto or the iPhone equivalent you can play the Yoto cards via your car speakers without needing to have the Yoto there - might solve the sibling squabble? Although they might then argue about which story instead... downside being you have to hear it, of course, but some cars you can change it to only the rear speakers

Give yourself a break; it’s exhausting and you’re doing it basically on your own.

Just try to ensure you’re getting plenty of sleep, early nights and eating well - it really helps with the resilience levels. I know it’s tempting to sit up late on your phone when it’s your only “you” time, but it catches up with you.

Hang on in there.

yes that phase does end OP. I’ve been a single parent since my Dd was 1 so I completely understand how full on it can be when you don’t get a break! I used to think if I heard the word “mum” one more time id explode…..it was the constant “muuuuummm” at the start of each sentence

it gradually gets easier over time so there’s not like a point in time where it gets easier overnight but you will get more and more time to yourself. They’ll eventually learn to play/watch a film independently and in a few years he’ll being having lots of play dates etc. I used to always invite Dds friends round as I actually found that easier than being a single parent to an only child.

now my Dd is 12 and I actually get excited if she wants to spend one on one time with me 😂

sounds like you’re doing an amazing job - don’t be too hard on yourself

@EightfourtenWhen he seeks a response from you, you don’t have to always give it! Just don’t keep acknowledging him. You don’t need this continual emotional response. He’s just learning he can keep badgering you to get responses. Obviously you need a rest from the questions (I think bright dc ask questions) but you maybe have to be tougher.

Personally I think it should be illegal to leave one parent to solo parent at this age. No wonder you’re furious. I don’t think we are designed to do this entirely alone.

It’s a 3 thing. Also 4, 5 and 6 in my case, then a lot more breathing time and being able to smile at interactions because it’s all more chilled and less runaway train!!!

I was a single parent, and there was no contact with the dad, so I had to do it all myself all the time. But I got breaks when he was at nursery. I used to go to soft play and let him go and do his thing while I had a coffee. I also set ground rules and boundaries so I had mental space for myself even if I couldn't leave him. It's ok to request quiet time or for him to engage in an activity while you do something else.

I have a grandchild with ADHD now, and the questions and talking are absolutely constant (I have him lots, sometimes 10 days at a time on my own for holidays). Again, I put boundaries in place, else I would go potty I think. He is expected to do an activity quietly for short periods.

Make good use of sleep routines as well. I would enjoy the few hours after bedtime to myself.

My grandson doesn't wake early so I always get an hour in the morning for coffee and wordle in peace, and it's just a really calming way to start the day.

You are in the parenting trenches right now... it's tough... but it will pass.
Honestly I had 4 kids aged 5 and under (yes we were nuts!) and now I have two grandchildren I look after.. aged 5 and 19m.
From about 3 I implemented Mum/Gran is drinking her coffee = go play with your toys. During that blissful 20 mins, I don't play, I don't respond to inane chatter, I jusr repeat that its time to play by yourself. Takes a while to implement but it saves my sanity.. and actually I think is really good for the children too as they do need to learn independent play! The rest of the day I'm fully engaged.

They improve a fair bit by 4 and after school dgs is so knackered we generally put on Hamza or Steve Backshall and watch an animal programme!

This will pass... hang in there and don't feel guilty... 3 year olds are HARD work!

Yes, 3 year olds are exhausting. It's perfectly normal to be ready to take them to bed and have some alone time after 12 hours.

Should also say..you’re doing a blinding job…yep it’s normal to want to scream 😱…even when they come home from uni aged 18-21 and behave like bellends you still have times you want to 😱😰🏃‍♀️
but, hang in…you’ll hit times when you and they are just all 🥳🤗🥰🥹👏🏻

I’ve done this or that he’s my friends child. I have infinite patience for other children!

I would try and find someone to play date swap with so you get a couple of hours of silence. I also found 2/3/4 easier than that 1 to 1 intensity of inane questions/talk.

They have improved @Eightfourten although a lot of it was i actually came to understand it was DH I was furious at and not DS. I felt I’d been left parenting solo (in your case you have been) and I was filled with resentment and this boiling rage and it was like a pot with a closed lid where bits of the horrible stuff kept seeping out.

People fell you to get a break but it isn’t that easy. Even if you do get a babysitter (and that’s so so SO much money; I honestly don’t know if people even realise you’re looking at around £50 for three hours away from children!) you still then have to get everything ready for the babysitter and this is DS’s toothbrush and he has milk before bed but not in the red cup and this book about tractors flying around in space is his favourite so by the time you’ve done all of that and you’re £50 down it doesn’t feel like a break, does it?

I did have to tell ds to stfu yesterday (I did say it much more kindly than that obviously!) I’d bought him an ice cream and he was just relentlessly talking and out parking was running out and the ice cream was melting and I could feel myself getting frustrated tbh but I just said ‘if you haven’t eaten that in X minutes we’re going to have to bin it!’ which did the trick. Actually would your ds munch on an apple or something? Food temporarily shuts mine up. Alternatively he is quiet if he’s listening to his Yoto in the car but I can’t do that often as he has a sister who would kick off. I’m longing for when they can both operate it themselves and then they’ll hopefully let me drive in bloody peace.

I remember my mum telling me that when I was little and she felt like this, in her head she would pretend she was the nanny instead of the parent. I tried it when mine were wee and it so works!

Agree with others that you need to be more firm with the “mummy’s busy” “it’s quiet time now “

one thing is that kids that age have no sense of time…so get a visual count down clock that when hands point up it’s end of quiet time, teach them how to see how much time is left

something like this
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Learning-60-Minute-Countdown-Management-Classroom/dp/B0FKBKTKTR/ref=asc_df_B0FKBKTKTR?mcid=f25d94a362033406bb40e20eec2cd9cc&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=768982807085&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17762828652522765468&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9190836&hvtargid=pla-2443186738995&hvocijid=17762828652522765468-B0FKBKTKTR-&hvexpln=0&gad_source=1&th=1

make it fun, reward a sticker or a nice activity once it goes off. Start with short time, more frequently, then build up to less frequent, longer…though 20 mins at 3 is probably a decent amount 3 times in day.

yep, phases change, but the sooner you start getting your child used to being bored the better! Being bored is vital for promoting their own creativity, imagination, and self regulation…everyday should include small periods where you do NOT engage or lead their play…walk away or turn your back or pick up a book etc.

all phases, delightful or horrible, eventually come to an end around 22-23. Some you will love, some you’ll hate, some you’ll smash, some will smash you. But they do change and evolve…

My middle child was an absolute joy. I never felt that for a second.

My first and third? Jesus wept, I don’t know how I am still here.

I wasn’t a single parent but a SAHM and dh worked long hours. Hats off to you, I couldn’t have been a single parent to those two, it would have done me in not being able to snatch 15 minutes to scream into a pillow after a long day.

Its so hard. Ive been solo parenting since January and am fucking exhausted. To make it worse my little one is unwell with croup and we were in hospital until 3am last night, he still woke up at 8am so running on about 4.5 hours sleep. Hes still awake now. (Hes 2 next month so did nap)

And i havent even got to the "terrible twos" or the incessant questions yet

I do love being his mum, its amazing and magical etc, but it wasnt made for one person and i am so resentful that I get no downtime and I cant be the parent I always wanted to be, as I'm parenting for two. Two parents can tap in or out, hey its your get up tomorrow, can you do the night shift, I'm going up for a bath and a rest etc. Theres just none of that and it has massively (negatively) impacted my parenting experience. Its sad as I love it so much, and I know how much more I coulf have loved it if things were different. But yes, its impossibly hard and exhausting and relentless and overwhelming.

I feel you x

DD can't be with her Dad unsupervised right now. Even if she could I think she's done 3 overnights since May last year. His usual is a few hours every other weekend. But I've been there too since May this year. A friend took her too a party this morning so I had a couple of hours. She's 6. You are in the trenches and superwoman. Make life as easy as you can, screen time/drop the house to bare minimum etc etc. It sounds like you're doing everything right. You can't pour from an empty cup.

I feel the same sometimes, also single parent. I hate it when your trying to have a semi serious conversation, you haven’t spoken to another adult for 3 days and you ask them a question about something and they ignore you and then proceed to say ‘Mummy, why do birds fly in the sky’ because they are fecking birds that’s why!!!!! I really want to try and make some friends in a similar situation that I can hang out with but I find making friends so difficult.