AIBU to avoid private physio for daughter because I fancy the guy?

Patheticcrush · 2026-09-06T18:13:37+00:00

My daughter has a health issue for which she has been receiving some physio. Unfortunately during that time I have developed quite a crush on the physical therapist. Thankfully, the free service came to an end which was a bit of a relief because I am married and so I believe is he. We said goodbye at the end of term and I went back to my life. This happens to me from time to time, as I believe it does in many long-term relationships. I’ve never acted on any fleeting crush, love and fancy my husband, though we don’t have sex as much as we’d both like due to being really fucking tired. Anyway I have some money set aside for private therapy for my daughter and he emailed me to say he was leaving the free health service and going freelance. He passed on his contact details. I have not replied because I don’t want to be in the same room with him! It would feel like crossing a rubicon. But daughter would benefit from more physio and really liked him. I have to find someone else don’t I? AIBU?

Original poster

Patheticcrush · 06/09/2026 21:37

WerewolfOfLoudon · 06/09/2026 21:30

🤣 Freudian slip? Nude would certainly help you determine if the crush was reciprocated.

@Patheticcrush Why can't your husband take your daughter? Your problem should have been resolved by doing that in the first place if you think you are going to develop feelings for a man whose job it is to help your child.

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He works full time and it was during office hours. I work two days a week so have lots of flexibility the rest of the time. My husband more than makes up for it, though.

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WerewolfOfLoudon · 06/09/2026 21:30

nomas · 06/09/2026 21:00

Oh sorry that was typed as nice and empathetic!

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🤣 Freudian slip? Nude would certainly help you determine if the crush was reciprocated.

@Patheticcrush Why can't your husband take your daughter? Your problem should have been resolved by doing that in the first place if you think you are going to develop feelings for a man whose job it is to help your child.

Original poster

Patheticcrush · 06/09/2026 21:27

ywllowcomercio · 06/09/2026 21:11

Op I’m sorry I don’t want to derail your thread but I am howling at the replies to this.
there are loads of private physios. Find a new one and save the fantasies for when you’re on your own hahaha

😂

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MmeGallimaufry · 06/09/2026 21:26

It seems a shame to make your daughter do the work of building a relationship with a new physio. You're the adult, I think you should be the one to make an effort to ensure you maintain a distance from this guy.

Think of it as practice for other occasions on which you have to remain detached/professional and ignore strong personal chemistry. There are quite a few professions where having to excuse yourself from a case or a client because of a crush would be a severe handicap (probably fatal to long-term success) and you would have to learn better self-control. Your daughter deserves the same effort.

ywllowcomercio · 06/09/2026 21:11

Op I’m sorry I don’t want to derail your thread but I am howling at the replies to this.
there are loads of private physios. Find a new one and save the fantasies for when you’re on your own hahaha

SomethingNewish · 06/09/2026 21:06

Patheticcrush · 06/09/2026 19:49

You need to read some Esther Perel. It is so completely normal, I promise you I’m not lying and it doesn’t mean your marriage isn’t happy.

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I doubt whether reading any bodies views on this will change my own strongly held belief that marriage means Forsaking all others. So in my opinion looking towards a person outside your marriage, as in what you describe as a crush, is being totally disloyal to your spouse.

Everyone is entitled to their own views and if you see your crush as acceptable in your marriage then fair enough. Presumably you are equally happy for your H to develop feelings for and hanker after another woman?

Original poster

Patheticcrush · 06/09/2026 21:06

nomas · 06/09/2026 21:00

Oh sorry that was typed as nice and empathetic!

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Freudian slip, imo 😂

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Original poster

Patheticcrush · 06/09/2026 21:06

Ok, so I’m mental, immature, and should never have kids. Thanks, mumsnet! Really helpful stuff as ever.

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WeGoWayBack · 06/09/2026 21:04

Lmnop22 · 06/09/2026 20:56

Fall in love? With someone you see for what, an hour a week? In the presence of your daughter?

You’ve lost your mind!

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Quite.

nomas · 06/09/2026 21:00

Patheticcrush · 06/09/2026 20:49

I’m not sure it’s their job to be nude 😂

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Oh sorry that was typed as nice and empathetic!

Notaboutthebass · 06/09/2026 21:00

Patheticcrush · 06/09/2026 20:51

I don’t think you need to be so vulgar in your language, Jesus! I thought I was being respectful of him by engaging another physio. Also I can’t sit outside for safeguarding reasons.

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Sit with her then! 🙄

outerspacepotato · 06/09/2026 20:58

I’ve had crushes on physios, it’s their job to be nude and empathetic.

PTs wear scrubs here. Now I've heard it all. Nude and empathetic, 🤣

Simonjt · 06/09/2026 20:57

Crushes are normal, and as you’re not the one having the physio changing provider seems extreme and a bit unfair really as it could potentially lead to a stall in your daughters progress.

My husband fancies our daughters physio, apparently he just admires how competent she is, ha, yeah right. Its often handy, as if I’m busy he’ll jump at the chance to do the physio slot.

Lmnop22 · 06/09/2026 20:56

Patheticcrush · 06/09/2026 19:42

No I think you’re just reading into what I said! Obviously I would never cheat. Never have, never will.

However, I’d rather not fall in love and prolonged contact would risk that more than no contact. Does that make sense?

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Fall in love? With someone you see for what, an hour a week? In the presence of your daughter?

You’ve lost your mind!

Original poster

Patheticcrush · 06/09/2026 20:51

Notaboutthebass · 06/09/2026 20:50

Your daughter's comfort should be your priority, she's happy with him. Moving her to another one just because your fanny is throbbing is selfish. Drop her off and sit outside. Imagine how your husband would be feeling if he knew what you were saying, have some respect for your husband.

I don’t think you need to be so vulgar in your language, Jesus! I thought I was being respectful of him by engaging another physio. Also I can’t sit outside for safeguarding reasons.

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Notaboutthebass · 06/09/2026 20:50

Your daughter's comfort should be your priority, she's happy with him. Moving her to another one just because your fanny is throbbing is selfish. Drop her off and sit outside. Imagine how your husband would be feeling if he knew what you were saying, have some respect for your husband.

Original poster

Patheticcrush · 06/09/2026 20:49

nomas · 06/09/2026 20:48

I’ve had crushes on physios, it’s their job to be nude and empathetic. Their nature draws you in.

You think a lot of yourself to think it’s reciprocated!

Just take your daughter to the physio and avoid eye contact.

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I’m not sure it’s their job to be nude 😂

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Original poster

Patheticcrush · 06/09/2026 20:48

ChocolateApples · 06/09/2026 20:45

You're only crossing the Rubicon if you cross the boundary of acting on your crush, rather than engaging with him about the best way to help your daughter. It's fine to find someone attractive, just so long as you know it's going nowhere.

Thank you for your non-judgmental response, I appreciate it and think you are probably right. I am probably overthinking it a fair bit due to being so sleep deprived and exhausted because of my other circs.

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nomas · 06/09/2026 20:48

Patheticcrush · 06/09/2026 20:34

I don’t see how I’m acting like a teenager by doing what seemed to me to be the responsible thing, which is to cut any potential attraction short before it is given the chance to develop further. Any man who did this would be lauded by mumsnet, but for some reason I am “immature”. I don’t know what word to use other than “vibes”. A “frisson”? A “charge”? What would be your mature way of describing this feeling which can happen between two people?

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I’ve had crushes on physios, it’s their job to be nude and empathetic. Their nature draws you in.

You think a lot of yourself to think it’s reciprocated!

Just take your daughter to the physio and avoid eye contact.

ChocolateApples · 06/09/2026 20:45

You're only crossing the Rubicon if you cross the boundary of acting on your crush, rather than engaging with him about the best way to help your daughter. It's fine to find someone attractive, just so long as you know it's going nowhere.

Original poster

Patheticcrush · 06/09/2026 20:45

ooeygooeychewy · 06/09/2026 20:40

I feel like you're trying to inject a little excitement and romance into your life by making this into some sort of dramatic decision, like you can't trust yourself to be in the same room with this man because of The Passion Between You (aka 'a vibe'). It's a bit cringe-inducing, tbh. Crushes or attractions are common, but most people either ignore them with ease or aren't bothered about fidelity and act on them. If you can't trust yourself around him or feel you're being disloyal to your husband by sitting there lusting after the physio, yes, I think it's best to find someone else. If you are certain you won't give in to temptation, it doesn't seem like a big deal one way or the other, unless you can't find someone else who's as good for your daughter.

I assure you, I neither need the romance or the excitement. What I don’t want is the inconvenience of possibly developing deeper feelings.

There was one poster in this thread who got it, but I feel like everyone else is in a different universe where either they just bury their feelings like it’s no biggie or they think I’m an immature lunatic for having a crush in the first place.

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Imaginingdragonsagain · 06/09/2026 20:41

Can you not control yourself and put your daughter first?

ooeygooeychewy · 06/09/2026 20:40

I feel like you're trying to inject a little excitement and romance into your life by making this into some sort of dramatic decision, like you can't trust yourself to be in the same room with this man because of The Passion Between You (aka 'a vibe'). It's a bit cringe-inducing, tbh. Crushes or attractions are common, but most people either ignore them with ease or aren't bothered about fidelity and act on them. If you can't trust yourself around him or feel you're being disloyal to your husband by sitting there lusting after the physio, yes, I think it's best to find someone else. If you are certain you won't give in to temptation, it doesn't seem like a big deal one way or the other, unless you can't find someone else who's as good for your daughter.

WerewolfOfLoudon · 06/09/2026 20:39

If he was a good physio for your daughter, book him and your husband does his share of parental responsibility and takes his child to the appointments @Patheticcrush.

Original poster

Patheticcrush · 06/09/2026 20:34

WeGoWayBack · 06/09/2026 19:53

Mature people don’t react how you are though and say they don’t ‘think’ anything would happen. Nothing would happen if you’re mature about it because you’re married and apparently want to be. Even posting it on here because you want to talk about ‘vibes’ is immature and attention seeking. Tell your husband how you’re feeling, that’ll kill those vibes pretty quickly. You’re in a dream world, acting like a teen when you’re married with a child needing medical care. Normal people who had any sort of attraction to someone else would just ignore it if they’re married and want to stay married, not want to talk about it and seem excited about it like a teenager. You’re not single, your kid needs treatment. Grow up.

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I don’t see how I’m acting like a teenager by doing what seemed to me to be the responsible thing, which is to cut any potential attraction short before it is given the chance to develop further. Any man who did this would be lauded by mumsnet, but for some reason I am “immature”. I don’t know what word to use other than “vibes”. A “frisson”? A “charge”? What would be your mature way of describing this feeling which can happen between two people?

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