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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not do genetic testing

36 replies

LavenderSweetPea · 06/09/2026 17:33

DH and I are trying for a second baby. I know there are tests you can do to show if either of you carry any genetic diseases which could be passed on to your child if you both carry the same faulty gene.

I want to do the testing, but DH isn't sure.

For context, since becoming a parent I've met a good number of parents with children with quite severe genetic conditions - some of which were randomly occurring and couldn't have been foreseen, but some where it turned out both parents carried the same faulty gene and their child has the condition. Our DS is 2 and healthy.

DH says we can't protect ourselves against everything, and I do know that, but I'd feel so guilty if my child inherited something from us when we could have tested ourselves and made an informed decision where we risked TTC again. DH also feels the tests are very expensive (about £1200) and our money would be better spent elsewhere. We earn decent salaries but a large amount does on our mortgage and childcare, but I think it would be money well spent.

YABU - What a waste of time and money don't do it
YANBU - it's sensible to do it

OP posts:
MildlyAnnoyed · 06/09/2026 18:55

If you do have the genetic testing & there is something that comes up, what are you going to do with the information? Will you abort? Not try for a child? There has to be some sort of planned end result.

AstonCanKissMyArse · 06/09/2026 18:50

Would you be offered any counselling if you test positive?

Or just bish, bosh, on your way? It could be devastating to hear if positive (although that sounds vanishingly unlikely if theres nothing in your families).

Is this testing company reputable/reliable?

Original poster
LavenderSweetPea · 06/09/2026 18:44

Just to answer a few questions, no I don't have any specific reason to think we would be more likely to carry anything than anyone else. Yes I am thinking random testing - there's a company that do test for about 1000 different hereditary conditions for couples TTC that would show if you carry anything relatively common.

@ReplacementBusDriver our town has a center for children with all kinds of SEN and disabilities, people come from all quite far afield to send their children to nursery at this center. It's run by the council but they also run all kinds of free groups for all children (not just SEN) but they are particularly well attended by parents with children who have additional needs because the staff are very familiar with how to operate these groups to include everyone. I guess that's skewed my view a bit, it's hard to see how much some of the parents struggle.

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 06/09/2026 18:21

I think you'd have to know what you were actually testing for because the tests are not just random.

My DH developed Motor Neurone Disease last year, 25 years after his father had it. Our children are grown up now, but when they were small it wasn't thought to usually be genetic, often occurring randomly. So it wouldn't have occurred to us to test, and I don't think there was one available back then anyway.

We now know that in some rare cases MND is genetic, including in our family, unfortunately. DH had wanted to join some of the drug trials going on in London and we needed the genetic testing done first to see what he might be suitable for. That's how we now know he had one of the rogue copies of a gene known to cause it and it had gone very, very awry. However, they did know what they were testing for in my DH's case.

You are just talking about random testing? I doubt that is a good idea. Unless you are aware of stuff like cystic fibrosis in either of your families. In such cases though, would you not be offered the tests on the NHS? I thought that was the case, but could be wrong.

Also, I understand that having the genetic combinations and rogue gene mutations that can lead to some conditions doesn't necessarily mean that the person is always guaranteed to develop them. So just throwing that into the mix too.

Counselling is often recommended in cases where genetic testing might be considered necessary.

ElefantAndCastle · 06/09/2026 18:07

What will you test for?

Shangrilalala · 06/09/2026 18:05

I had generic testing due to a pattern of losses. My husband too.

i found it incredibly stressful and would not suggest it to anyone who doesn’t really have need for it.

All was fine and we ultimately finally had a happy outcome but just the thought of it takes me back to a very unhappy, stressful time.

ReplacementBusDriver · 06/09/2026 18:01

How many people have you met with severe genetic conditions and is there any reason you have met a good many of them? Severe and rare genetic conditions are thankfully rare, hence I was wondering.

flowerworld · 06/09/2026 17:49

Unless yourself or your husband or your families have history of any genetic conditions I wouldn’t bother and like you say, some occur randomly

PouringCream · 06/09/2026 17:41

Do you have any reason to think you or your DH carry genes for a genetic condition?

khaa2091 · 06/09/2026 17:37

What exactly are you testing for? There are generic panels looking for things like some cystic fibrosis variants but it depends on you and your husbands ethnicity.

Doing a test like this will not guarantee that you will not have a child with a genetic condition. If there is a specific condition that runs in either of your family's then you need to speak to a genetics counsellor (it may have been bad luck, need to be inherited from both sides, just from one parent or only likely to affect male children). There are millions of genetic conditions, you need to know what is being tested for to exclude it.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 06/09/2026 17:36

Unless you have money to throw away I wouldn’t