Another selfish man thread

Yep, incredibly sexist I agree. Some people are good at this stuff and some aren’t. Whether they are male or female has no bearing.

I find in utterly depressing that in 2026 these sexist attitudes are still so prevalent.

I thought we’d started to get past all this but things seem to be going backwards.
FWIW my OH very good at DIY but I’m also reasonably capable of putting up a curtain rail on my own, shelves and so on. It’s called practical problem solving.

Some are better at this than others, my OH is brilliant at it, I’m ’good enough’, my son, on the other hand, really struggles. It doesn’t make him somehow less manly - he is very good at other things.

to the OP, I’d say in the interests of equality you should get your dad to teach you this stuff then you can teach your kids when they’re old enough. It would be a shame to let all that joiner knowledge go to waste.

As for your OH, do you think you’d be as bothered about him going out if it was your mum coming to help you hang curtains?
Your answer is in there, and will guide you as to whether it’s good old fashioned sexism, shame that you’ve had to ask your dad because neither you or husband can do it or something else going on.
it also sounds like your mum is coming to so therefore it’s a chance for you and her to catch up while keeping an eye on the twins. Maybe husband thinks he’s surplus to requirements!

"my husband being 55 gives absolutely no indication of how old my children are"

So "my children" NOT "our children" then?

What, he can't greet FIL, make a cuppa and say thanks, be warm, friendly, chit chat and at least look pleased to see him and for his help?

Don't need to stand in a corner in shame, why on earth would you?

🤣🤣🤣 get a grip.

This OP has mentioned a curtain pole- not the rest of the essay that you are going on about!

Maybe he's embarrassed 😳

No, you shouldn't have kids around when you're doing DIY involving drills and heavy items.

OP thinks she can leave out the important bits and start some kind woe is me story. Sorry state of affairs

This!

But anyway I think it’s off for him to go out exactly when your dad is coming to do
something to help you both

No, but if DIY is being done at home, makes sense to get the kids out of the way. Division of responsibility and all that.

It would be different if it was a special, planned day out, but popping out to the gym doesn't count.

For a start, I wouldn't be using electric drills with little ones around. Too easy to put it down for a sec and have one of the kids pick it up.

It's the principle of the thing. Why should it be down to OP to organise this while he goes off to enjoy himself. Why is it the woman's job on top of all the other things she has to do?

Women can't have it both ways.

We don't get anything both ways, I assure you. The world is really not geared around our terrible amoral hypocrisy over curtain poles, whatever that saucepan-faced twat on X with the tight shirts and pedal pushers tells you.

TWINS!!

I don't see the issue here either. You and your dad deal with the curtain pole.
Even if twins are little then I am sure they can sit for 5 mins with a screen if necessary.

I'm 55 and can't do DIY. What am I going to do, be made to stand in the corner like a dunce.

Let him go out for heavens sake

There are absolutely countless threads on MN where the OP is left to do literally everything to do with the running of the home, the childcare and all the administration. And the guy does absolutely nothing apart from possibly going out to work. The rest of the time he pleases himself. And on these threads generally the view point is the upkeep of the home, the childcare, the admin shouldn't be just up to the woman in the marriage or partnership. It is joint responsibility
So this might be just "a fucking curtain pole " - to quote your eloquent expression- but the principle is just the same as on all these other threads. Just another example of the woman being left to sort everything while the guy walzes off to enjoy himself.

76

So you think once you have kids you don't get to go anywhere or do anything without them?. What a miserable life that would be.

He could've waiting half hour to chat to your dad, as he's doing you both a fav, that wouldn't have hurt him then gone to the gym after.
But no, not the end of the world I guess, just a bit rude. Enjoy chatting to your dad instead!

I'm not sure what the problem is or why such secrecy about the age of your twins.
You can spend some time with your dad while your husband's at the gym. When he gets back you can have some time to yourself while your husband looks after the twins.
It's entirely 'appropriate' for the person who asked for the favour to assist with the work if required and say thank you.

A "selfish man" thread?
The least selfish person in it is the older man!
Not saying older people can't do things, obviously they can and do, but it's a fact that they're more likely to have health conditions which make DIY difficult. Yet he's the one doing it, so this is a pro man post.

Can't see the big deal.

I just want to know how old OP's dad is.

It really doesn’t require three people. I, a single woman have put many curtain poles up by myself.

I don't see the problem in your husband going to the gym whilst your father puts a curtain pole up.

I am one of the majority that does not see the need for your dh to be in to see your dad unless there are other issues at play, ie you are disabled, your twins are younger than 2…?Maybe if you explain the situation more, people would understand where you are coming from.

Exactly. Women can't have it both ways. I am always astonished when women expect their husbands to be able to do DIY. Unless he is a joiner by trade, why should he? Plus some men who do DIY are really annoying. I know one man who insists on doing everything himself because he is too cheap to hire anyone, with the result that he does a shoddy job and then has to hire someone anyway!

Parents don't get to run away from their kids, even if they're pushing 60.