Another selfish man thread

if this is all you have to complain about you’re going well 😅

Surely you are not saying that at 6 years old they need looking after so that you van’t help your dad for 10 minutes or even an hour if that is what it takes..

Horses for courses I guess. I don’t see the issue here at all. He’s fitting a curtain pole not renovating your loft, it’ll take half an hour tops. Why does your DH need to be there? He fits the pole, you make him a coffee have a chat, you look after the kids. Why would your dad be offended if your DH isn’t there, given he isn’t doing anything relating to the curtain pole? Let the man go to the gym, jeez.

Yes, much better when women stick to tearing down men.

6 year olds are capable of entertaining themselves for 10 minutes whilst you help your dad, if he needs it.

My husband is also hopeless at DIY but good at putting together flatpack furniture. I learned to do DIY. I hung all of the blinds in the house. Drilling is easy. We have hands too.

How old are the twins?

Yeah, if they're 21, they're probably ok 😂.

I'd still get arsey about my DH leaving me with both the curtain pole and 7yos though to go and do something 'fun', unless it was previously agreed that this was what he was going to do. If there are kids needing childcare in the house, neither parent gets to go out without okaying it with the other imo. Because otherwise that's saying one parent is 'default' and that's not ok.

If he is 55 the twins have probably either already moved out or at least are old enough to help their grandfather. 😂

Its already been arranged.

Surely there is nothing more that needs doing by op or her husband other than saying "hi dad, help yourself to a cuppa" or " hi dad, I'll make you a drink" and then "thank you so much for doing this, we both really appreciate it"

There is no fanfare or ceremony that needs to be had here.

Plenty of times I've gone to my in-laws to help them with something, I'd find it really odd if one of them had wanted to go somewhere and didn't because of me.
I've helped them with stuff because I want to, I don't need them to stand over me whilst I do it and it doesn't need to be a huge deal

Your dad should teach you how to put up a curtain pole and your useless husband can mind the babies?

I don't really get this to be honest, it's a curtain pole, I've put them up on my own loads of times. Is it a particularly complex one?

Or is this perhaps not the best example of the issue you're describing?

I honestly don't understand why both have to be there. As long as one of you is there.

You'll laugh when you find out the twins are 21

Seven, eh. So perfectly safe to be in the house while grandad puts up a curtain pole.

It's also sexist for men to think they can waltz out to the gym while there are chores being done and children to be cared for.

I get it - your dad is doing you BOTH a favour and it’s only polite for your husband to be home to say thank you!

So basically you're saying because your dad is doing a job, your husband needs to be there to be a humiliated. That he should feel embarrassed because he can't do it. So if you can't make cushion covers, bake a perfect Victoria sponge without a receipt and clean mirrors without streaks does that make you less of a woman?

And I noticed you dodged the question about the kids ages!

Nope also don’t see the issue, don’t think he is being as selfish as you think. Maybe it makes sense for him to go at a time that you have company from others?

This is so ridiculous. I'm 62 and have never done DIY before but this year (following the death of my DH 2 years ago) I built a shed base from scratch and then built the shed to go on top. I also completely redecorated my porch and built a potting table from scraps of wood. I'm getting a dab hand with my power tools. Both you and your DH should be ashamed that neither of you can tackle a curtain pole. Maybe you should both be there to watch your dad do it and learn something useful.

BTW, having 7 year old twins is not an excuse. They can be left to play for a few minutes while you help your dad. And yes, I looked at a previous thread of yours, seeing as you were being coy, making out you've got babies or toddlers to look after.

@HappySummerFunits a curtain pole not a major reno. It will take 1 person about 20 mins. When my kids were small my in-laws would often come on a Sunday and do my garden. Cut the grass, trim the hedges. My DH was perfectly capable of watching the kids so I would go for a swim, walk around the shops alone. It's a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

Did you check with your husband that the time worked for him and he could be there before you made the arrangement with your dad? If so, then yes it's annoying that he decided later to go out. If not, and he had already planned to go to the gym, I can understand why he would assume you'd handle things with your dad and his presence wasn't needed. But I'm also not sure how he can just announce he's going to the gym - do you split up time looking after the twins and his gym time/your dad's visit happens to fall into your time slot today? And of course the tantrum is undesirable, but he may not have described it that way.

Oh dear. While I love a good man bash I don't think he's doing anything wrong 😬
Surely you can spare 5 mins to help your Dad? A curtain pole doesn't take long.
Unless of course, he leaves you daily to look after twins on your own so he can go to the gym. That would be a useless man move.
It does both parents good to grab a couple of hours to themselves when they can.

By gum that's ugly. I can use a drill thankfully so I'll never need that hideous thing just to hang curtain man or no man

If your DH was putting up the curtain rail would you have to invite someone else round to look after the kids? Or to assist him?

Depending on the age of the kids, could they assist? I remember helping my Dad with DIY when I was a kid, and from a young primary school age. I was more than capable of holding one end of the tape measure, holding the end of the plank of wood he was cutting, passing him screws, hammers etc.

As a consequence of this, I am perfectly happy and able to do DIY and don’t think twice about putting certain rails up on my own.