Another selfish man thread

I am not getting people's aggression, I had a baby at 42 and mu husband was 53 at the time. People can be so weird of here.
Vent away OP, you have my support and he is being a rude man baby.

Absolutely disgusting behaviour. A decent husband would not only be there, he would also have bought a bottle of champagne and written a certificate of appreciation to present to your dad as he descended the stepladder for the final time. Maybe alert the local press and get some party poppers for the twins to set off. Then in each anniversary of this great feat he'd bake a curtain pole shaped cake.

Why don’t people get it? Of course it looks bad if her DH swans off to the gym while her 76 father does their DIY. Her DH looks like a cheeky entitled twat. He should stick around and help. I agree with OP 100%.

unless your dad needs his help
i cant see why this would be a problem
why does he need to be there when you dad is doing the job?
i get the US bit
but cant he show his gratitude to your dad later?
i would let him go

OP said they were 7

I put up our new curtain pole last week it took me well over an hour and it needed 2 folk. I am experienced DIYer.

I think from reading previous posts OP did put in their ages an then deleted it.

Yes, it's called misandry!

Apart from maintaining outdated and rather awful stereotypes, what stops you from learning the skills required to put up a curtain pole?
A man’s level of worth or respect should not be based on his ability to do DIY any more than a woman’s should be based on their ability to cook or do the bloody ironing. If you want to stop relying on your aging father for these things then maybe learn the skills yourself.
You’ve made no other comment on your husband’s abilities in other things so presumably he plays an otherwise decent role in your and your children’s lives. Stop picking on him for being crap at a skill that he doesn’t have and shouldn’t be obligated, purely based upon his sex, to have.
My FIL is terrible at DIY, my MIL is brilliant. And we just had our kitchen and bathroom put in, and all the tiling done by an incredibly skilled woman who runs her own business.
Based on what you write, and the expectations you (and perhaps too your father ) have of what your partner should be able to do, I’m not at all surprised he’d rather not be on hand to be made to feel the shame of not being able to put up a curtain rail. But why don’t you feel a similar shame?

apparently has her hands full looking after twins who, again by normal reckoning you'd figure must be 10+ (and therefore not in need of constant supervision).

I’m assuming the twins must be under 3 which is why she’s not able to help or do it herself without a second parent present.

I think OP is not saying their ages and got defensive because she felt people would be rude and judge her for being an older mum.

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

Most parents want to spend time with their adult children without the partners present and so most wouldn’t see an issue with this.

However, if you know that your parents would not be ok with this then a simple explanation to your DH shouldn’t result in him having a tantrum.
He can literally just go to the gym after he’s gone.

The way you wrote your OP makes it sound like you told him off - and I think all of us would be pissed off with our partners if they spoke to us like that.

He’s not BU to suggest going to the gym at the same time your DF comes around.

But he is BU to still go or throw a tantrum over it if you’ve explained that your DF would find it rude.

I wonder if your DH feels emasculated by this.

I'd probably agree with you if the OP hadnt started out with this.

I need a curtain pole putting up, so he’s very kindly offered to come this afternoon and put it up for US

She's the source of the request. He's not.
She presumably asked her dad. He didn't.
But she's made it a THEM thing not a HER thing.

We don't know how good her dad is at DIY (rather than carpentry, which is a different skill)
We don't know whether DH would be happier hiring a tradesman and getting the job done properly, for instance.
We don't even know if there's already a perfectly decent curtain rail there already so this is just a whim.

We do know that in normal circumstances poles are not a difficult job.
We do know that she hasn't said her dad has asked for assistance. Nor that she wants DH to actually assist him.

So having created the need, the solution, and the situation, she now wants to involve DH in the role of grateful incompetent?? And she wants sympathy that he doesn't want to be forced into that role.

Because OP is trying to assert stereotypical gender roles here,
I thought OP was wanting her H to show some interest in what is happening in the family home and also wanting him to show courtesy to her father.

Because OP is trying to assert stereotypical gender roles here, demanding that DH should be better at DIY, and that he should be embarrassed that he's not competent (or willing) in that sphere.

She wants him to stick around so that her dad can put up the curtain pole (and probably humiliate husband by explaining how simple it is while she and her Dad intimate that DH should be doing this else he's not a real man).

Meantime, the daughter of a 76 year old, married to a 55 year old, who by any normal reckoning you'd expect to be 40+ apparently has her hands full looking after twins who, again by normal reckoning you'd figure must be 10+ (and therefore not in need of constant supervision).

But she won't answer any of that, and so this feels awfully like a man-bashing thread.

Imagine if OP were male and MIL were coming around to cook for them because she's "useless at cooking but shit hot at dressmaking"... every one would be rightly condemning the husband as being a misogynistic prick that should just learn to do this stuff themselves.

I was actually agreeing with you but forgot to put "this" under your post.

No way would my husband, who is actually very handy, would go out and leave anyone helping us to do a job and go to the gym.
Much less an elderly father helping us.

I can't get over the fact that you're getting you 76 year old dad to do manual jobs around the house! Putting up a curtain pole is easy, just look it up and do it yourself! Either you or your DH are perfectly capable of that!

Oh sorry. My bad.

The reasoning of using "blue" is because I thought it more likely the father will see it as a blue job and hes actually doing it, when it should have been the husband

Where did I say it was a den of sin? It is a den of stupidity more like. And I never said Greek gods. Or like Greek gods. I said 'gym bros'.

What are you talking about? My dad with joinery expertise comes to help out with jobs in our old house and my husband is here helping him. Do you think he should go out and leave him to it like some sort of paid help?
You sound a bit nuts.

Think you’re being a bit over the top. You really don’t need to watch your 6 year old twins instead if of helping with a 10 minute job. Unless you’re going to say they have significant additional needs. Your DH probably thinks your dad wants to spend a bit of time with his daughter and wouldn’t be worried if he wasn’t there.

She isn’t capable of it either.

OP’s dad is putting up a curtain pole, which is a quick job that only requires one person. I see no reason why her husband needs to be there.

I mean I personally would have stayed behind to help, but there's no shame in anyone (man or woman) being crap at DIY. I'm absolutely useless at it, but there's other stuff I'm good at that others aren't. 🤷

I'm hoping Dad comes over with command hook curtain rod hangers just to make a point.

They should both be embarrassed. Unless OP wants some weird setup, this is a dead easy one person job. The his and doesn't need to be there.

Same. The vast majority of people I’ve seen at the gym have headphones in, and are focused on their workout. Mirrors are useful for keeping an eye on form, which hardly constitutes ‘preening’.