Aibu feeling uneasy about men taking little girls to the toilet in the womens toilet?

My research is on toilet design and how it affects safety. Mostly my research is in the U.K. but the same safety concerns are world wide. For example, unisex toilets have been a massive risk factor for girls and women across the world. Amnesty and Plan International discussed this. The latter have schemes to build girls toilets so that it’s not a barrier for girls getting an education. An academic study from India found schoolgirls would rather go out in the open than use toilets that both sexes had access to, because of sexual assault concerns. India has now passed laws to make school toilets single sex.

However, others have looked at changing rooms in leisure centres such as the Women’s Right Network. In 2025, they published a report that outlined police data on sexual violence in leisure centres. Figures reveal that in one year (2023) there were 16 rapes, 80 sexual assaults and 65 acts of voyeurism across 257 leisure centres in England and Wales.

What the WRN (changing rooms) and I ( non-domestic toilets) conclude is that single sex environments are safer. However, a valid and common sense exception is that children need to be in the room that is the sex of their carer. It then follows that we have single sex designs which keep the child safer. It keeps all of us safer at our most vulnerable.

If we had a rule that men could be in women’s toilets with a child, the toilets are mixed sex. The toilet building regulations don’t allow this, unless it’s a universal design (private, from floor to ceiling).

Who does this affect most if we abolish single sex design? Children and women (assaults), anyone having a medical emergency (rescue window times). So it affects people having hypos, strokes, heart attacks, cardiac arrests (11% are on the toilet), drug overdoses, self harm, head injuries. After all, toilets are where people, including children, go when they feel ill. It also affects the hygiene within the toilet room. Microbiologists warn against more unisex toilets in hospitals as the pathogen load is higher. Men’s toilets are worse than women’s toilets, but unisex are the worst because of design.

The design on the left is only permitted in single sex environments. There are obvious exceptions for cleaners and children. If you start letting other men into women’s toilets, the design of the toilet has to change.

You're right, but at the same time, all of those things could apply to a little girl out with her dad.

I don't think it's the same as the buggy example, because the dads we're talking about are, in their own way, trying to consider the dignity and comfort of a girl... their own daughter.

Have you ever been to France?

They're much less prissy about this stuff. Currently on a campsite where folks walking past the gents see the guys standing at urinals.

Quite common in bars too.

Well this will probably make you highly indignant but I have once stood guard so that DH could use the ladies toilet.

We were out for a walk one day and he was desperate for a wee so we followed signs for the public toilets in a park. I used the ladies and when I came out DH was outside looking uncomfortable as the gents was apparently locked. I double checked that there was nobody in the ladies then I stood guard at the door while he used them, ready to explain to anyone who came along. Nobody did, it was a quiet day.

I honestly don't see what else he could do. There were no pubs or cafes around and the situation could hardly have been improved by him going behind a bush.

And what about the pp who has explained if a man walks in, then she has to leave because she cannot use mixed sex spaces?

Women with trauma
Women who have survived VAWG
Women with disabilities
Women of minority faiths and cultures

Women's access should not be conditional upon a man deciding in this moment his personal choice matters more than those women's access to a facility do. Take the child into the men's, take the child into the disabled facilities, in a year or so as the guidance really gets going take the child into the gender neutral facilities particularly provided for those who are finding using their sex based provision difficult and would like another choice. Just don't exclude women from the women's space.

This is the same conversation in essence about 'I don't care if I leave a wheelchair user in the rain at the bus stop late for work, because my baby is asleep in my buggy and I'm not going to fold it'.

It’s a difficult situation. I’d say use disabled toilets but they can be locked. If they are very little, then yes dad needs to go in with them. If there are no urinals, men’s toilets are fine. If there are, then I’d use the ladies

Op, his lack of empathy will only get worse over the years and it will get directed at you till it consumes you.

Another one to say DH has taken both girls into men’s until they can go solo to ladies’. He wouldn’t dream of going into a women’s bathroom. Never had any issues doing it this way.

I’m of the opinion that a parent should take small children into the toilet of their own sex.
Dad with daughters - Men’s
Mum with sons - Women’s

Ideally, a disabled/baby changing cubicle if one is available.

Rude. I'm not a busy body and I DO have an issue.

ifs a women's toilet. I don't want my DD scared to use the loos on her own because some man is in there, and some "pick me" has said it's ok

I'm on the fence with this. I think there are valid concerns on both sides.

If a man takes his daughter into the ladies', a different young girl in there may feel uncomfortable having to pee with a male stranger on the other side of a cubicle wall. But that's the same situation for a girl in the men's. So I'm not sure how we square the circle, unless we're just saying the men-in-ladies' situation could cause that same discomfort for multiple girls, so it's just a case of reducing the number of people affected.

The other thing I'm thinking about is the male cleaner situation - we accept that as a legitimate aim. If we're not accepting the female child's desire to not pee next to strange men as a legitimate aim, I'm not sure whether we can then argue the importance of single sex spaces at all?

In terms of my personal feelings on it, I don't think I would have an issue with a dad taking his daughter into the cubicle itself and locking the door behind him. But I think I would feel differently about it if his daughter was in the cubicle by herself and he was waiting outside the door/in the sink area.

Sigh.

And of course that's lovely for you, that it doesn't personally inconvenience you.

What about the pps who have said they cannot use mixed sex spaces. For reasons they absolutely should not have to defend or go into because single sex spaces for women recognise that these reasons exist and protect these spaces in law.

This really comes down to: are you someone who is able to be a functional part of society and to follow practice and policy to ensure that everyone has access and everyone's needs are met without distress or conflict - or are you a selfish arse who believes that your right to do what you want trumps everyone else, and sod what happens to anyone else, you're personally not affected?

Again it’s not safeguarding . A parent would be with her at all times in the male bathroom so that’s the safeguarding .

It’s safeguarding to keep a big adult male out of the women’s toilets . There are teenage girls in there etc . just because a man is a parent doesn’t automatically make him welcome in a women’s toilet.

The child goes with the father. That’s it. He is the adult male, and the risk. He can protect her in the mens. Cover her eyes past the urinals. If she’s old enough for that to be an issue, she’s old enough for the ladies without him. As long as other men don’t make excuses to get in there.

I would’ve been furious if id allowed my young DD to go in the ladies and discovered grown men in there.

The parent can decide from some options, not freely.

If you decide the preffered toilet would be the one in the shopping center's director's private office, it doesn't give you the right to use it.

Man can't just decide to go into the ladies because he prefers so.
He can choose between sending his daughter in ladies on her own, taking her to gents with him and finding a baby change toilet.

Honestly being a parent is hard enough. It doesn't matter what toilet the dad uses for his daughter. It would not bother me in the slightest. The cubicles have locks on the door, they are private. Too many entitled busy bodies getting all arsey . Leave the poor man alone so he can look after his daughter as he see fit .

Is your son over the age of 8? That's normally the sensible cut off point, isn't it? And yes, the legal discussions in court over the past couple of years defending women's single sex spaces so that women who need single sex spaces are not affected or excluded by those absolutely determined their personal circumstances entitle them to use whatever space they want and sod everyone else have specifically mentioned this .

Not least, because a couple of obnoxious men promptly tried to insist in court that if a mum could take her four year old son into a women's space then obviously a grown man with a sexual fetish could be there too.

I believe the judge commented something along the lines of don't be so bloody silly if the mother needed to be with a small child while using the space, she was the user of the space, and had obviously to take her child with her. This is not an issue and has never been an issue; boys of about 8 plus are old enough to change themselves.

As regards safeguarding they should!

If that’s the attitude it’s the same as saying just do whatever you want all the time and screw everyone else . Your little precious pets trump the rights of everyone else it seems

But if there are none where I live so what do you suggest . Do you suggest I just don’t teach my little boy how to swim in case the women feel uncomfortable with him in the changing room. Cos there are no cubicles as an option. I could write a letter asking the gym to put in some but I’m sure it would be ignored. Should all the little boys who are too small to get changed on their own and don’t have a dad available to bring them just forget about learning to swim ?

Men’s toilets differ and it’s up to parents to decide, not you!!!!!

Is it not the case in many places still that baby changing is still in the ladies' rather than a separate facility? This was the case at my local park and dads were always complaining about it.

How can you assess every toilet and the adults using it ? I am not suggesting the child uses it alone I suggest the parent brings her to the appropriate toilet which is the men’s . What is going to happen with the dad bringing her straight into the cubicle to pee and watching her every move. There could be a deranged escaped murderer hanging around in the women’s jacks for all anyone knows

I suggest not having communal changing as the only option generally for a variety of reasons.

The difference is urinals. I wouldn’t want my daughter going into a men’s bathroom, with men using urinals.
The disabled/baby changing toilet is the answer.