AIBU to think this is completely normal?

It is when you have one 18m old.

It tends to get trickier when you have two older kids. You start out where you manage to get swimming lessons at the same time & its easy, maybe you take turns to take them. Then one has to move to the tuesday class. And one wants to do football but the other prefers gym. One has a party, the other needs a haircut. Most parents I know are each separately taking DC to different things a good chunk of the weekend.

It gets where quite often there's simply less free time to go around. It can also be less pleasant looking after two madcap bickering older toddlers /primary age DC vs a baby who naps.... and people start to resent that long round of golf or that 3 hour shopping trip.

Yeah that would have put me off going!

I wondered if that wasn't his intention actually ...

My relationship is far from perfect but once I wasn't breastfeeding, I have always had easy and free will to do what I want to do and vice versa, if it's ever felt uneven then we have discussed it and changed it with no drama, but that's usually been a case of the overwhelmed person not arranging or asking, nobody's ever said no to the other or even been reluctant.

A lot of people never see a normal functioning relationship, they were raised with dysfunctional or single parents, and only hear the drama. It explains a lot of reason why people stay in bad relationships. So it was posts like this and people listing the 'normal but nice' things on forums like this that made me realise my relationship as a very young parent (20 years ago) was actually abusive rather than a bit difficult. So whilst people don't post the normal or the good, posts like this can be very important.

Yep and some women on here are absolutely adamant that EVERY SINGLE MAN watches p**n and we’re just naive if we think our husband doesn’t. They can’t conceive the possibility that a man wouldn’t want to watch.

Yeah my husband is normal and not a monster too. 👍

“It’s incredibly sad for me to admit I cannot have it.”

You can if you stand up for yourself and insist upon it rather than being told what you’re “allowed” by someone you’re supposed to be equal partners with.

Yes, giving each other 'me' time is normal in a relationship..or rather it should be normal. Unfortunately, a lot of women on MN don't seem to experience a husband/partner who thinks he's as responsible for his child as his wife/partner!

Exactly this.

My husband was/is the same. Most men I know are the same.

People say mumsnet hates men but posters only talk about their husbands who are problematic. The good ones don’t get posts made about them.

I don’t think it’s normal for multiple reasons.

1 - not many people seem to have down days on here. They’re always busy.
2 - if they do go for a coffee it tends to be planned way ahead of time.
3 - they usually want to spend the time with their DPs as a family.
4 - not enough women get ‘me’ time, especially SAHMs

I think that you randomly deciding to get a coffee with such a young child is quite rare.

I’m guessing you were feeling extra stressed and needing to get away from it and it’s lovely that your DP is so supportive and doesn’t question you.

You can love your kids but still get overwhelmed and need the break and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

I think it’s something that a lot of men don’t understand which is why women tend to get less breaks.

My sisters DH is not happy if she wants too much me time.
He works 1 week on, 1 week off so has loads of child-free time. and she works apart from weekends.
So the weekends are the only time she gets to have famity time with her DH and DC. He moans if she wants to go out on weekends too often because he says that’s family time - I would see it as controlling but many women on here would agree with him.

Depends if this goes both ways, and how often one parent is left to do it on their own, and what else is going on…

He didn’t 😂 try reading op again 🙄

I am sure many people do lie and brag.

I am also sure many people are just being honest and others dont want to hear it so accuse them of it

Love this @Marycontrarygarden and it should be normal. It isn't though, no matter how much posters like to deny it.
Beware of the bitters who will come along and try pull your post apart.
Women should collectively, set the bar higher because it's only getting worse, not better, especially with the rise of the red pill lot.

Hope you enjoy your coffee.

For everyone too. If a thread is making you angry then walk away from it.

Yes, they do.

There was a recent thread about cheating and whether you could trust your partners. Several people said they did trust their partners (not blindly but in general) and loads of people told them they were idiots and their partners will inevitably cheat on them, that they are naive and stupid to trust.

Ive seen people accused of lying and bragging too

Good advice for the OP.

Do people on here actually tell other people who say they’re happily that they’re lying and all men are crap? I’ve never come across this.

The "take as long as you need" approach is not normal for me, not because I don't have a supportive DH but because we don't live life that way. We currently have five kids living in our house (three are ours), two have medical needs, one is suspected to be ND. I work FT and DH works a lot more than FT. Consequently our free time is planned out like everything else in our lives, otherwise the wheels would fall off. So I definitely get "me time," but I can't just swan off and come back whenever I feel like it - nor would he do that to me. I don't think our way of doing things is wrong or abnormal, just a consequence of having busier lives i guess.

Have you discussed his attitude and how he upsets you?

This is absolutely normal in my relationship. Actually because of my high anxiety and PTSD I often get myself worked up because I can’t “do everything” and my husband will look at me and say “well who is expecting you to do everything? Go and sit down” so he will take care of me just as much as I take care of him.