AIBU to feel upset after my meeting with my manager?

Management will say whatever they need to in order to justify downgrading or dismissing an employee if they think ots for the good of the business.
Easy said than done but please don't take it to heart. Years ago I was in a similar situation where my appraisal was basically 2hrs of my line manager telling me about how unapproachable I was, not a team player, causing the business to lose customers etc. It later transpired that my line managers department was massively under performing which was a reflection on her Management skills and she needed a scapegoat quick before she got the sack, which ended up being me!

I would still say you are not allowed to give negative reference because to give one you need to have concrete evidence as you might get taken to court for defamation etc. Because of this, no one nowadays gives negative references unless something really bad had happened - but even then, most people avoid the hassle.

In OPs case, her bosses would be extremely stupid to say something negative as they have zero proof of her shortcomings.

I wouldn't leave just yet OP because it seems like a knee jerk reaction which will play right into the hands of the managers who seem to want rid of you by the cheapest method possible. The meeting that they are attempting to plan could be construed as bullying!! especially if their intention is to character assassinate you!!
Push back passively! Find your original contract if you can with duties listed and work to rule!! If they want a meeting with you then get ready to have someone with you to take notes or tell them you are recording the meeting so you can address points made at a later date in a further meeting. They have downgraded you so you have every right to revert back to the job as it would be for those conditions. If they are concerned about staff morale then it is up to them to improve working conditions so everyone is happy, smiley and cheerful. Not always achievable when you are bogged down with overwork trying to meet deadlines because the goalposts have moved every time someone was made redundant and they put their work on other employees.
If you are intent on leaving then do as others have suggested and go for sick leave signed off by your GP and work your notice around the fit note. In other words do everything you need to make your future work/employment work for you with the Pilates.

I would leave they don't appreciate your work or manner and if you accept this downgrade you are accepting you are difficult. It sounds as if one of the people on the appraisal board doesn't like you,is quite forceful and the others have not gone in to at for you.How we are perceived can be a shock,but if you have never had this kind of feedback before it sounds like a personality clash.

Ok you win. Well done.

I'm so sorry, I can't believe they downgraded you when you work so hard for them. I'd 100% leave but I also would only work my actual job requirements in the meantime. No going over or beyond, no handover to support staff who might be lining up for your role. If you can develop your pilates business on the side to make it your full time job, I'd do that. I'd use all your annual leave and days owed then tell them you won't work somewhere where you are killing yourself with workload and completely under-appreciated.

Although, I would be tempted to challenge the downgrade first... I don't know if they can do that if your work is 'excellent'. Can you speak to ACAS?

I’m another who could have written something very similar & I’m sorry you’re going through this. I resigned (as soon as I could afford it) and I’ve never looked back. I’ve had 2 temp jobs since, leading to a lovely PT min wage job I see myself happily continuing in until I retire. Years later when I meet ex-colleagues for coffee - the toxicity continues and I thank my lucky stars I put myself first for a change. They don’t deserve your loyalty so let them find someone else to treat like shite. Not all workplaces are like this, wishing you the very best of luck x

@derFutterneid btw I wouldn’t worry too much about the reference issue. If you end up in an interview at all (and you may never do so because I too am sure the Pilates will work out) just tell the interviewer yourself that you had no sick leave in 10 years until they burned you out and you had to accept medical advice and step back until you were fully recovered. If they like you, you’ll get the job anyway. Good luck!

I would also suggest getting signed off sick for work stress, and do mention the bullying to your GP. Medical evidence of workplace stress should be submitted if you pursue a claim.

I'd definitely get yourself signed of with stress first for at least the next 4 weeks. Then you can state that you felt you had to leave because of work related stress. It'll also give you space to hand in notice via email if you wish, and for them to realise that they've shot themselves in the foot of work isn't getting done. You also can get a bit of oay whole you sort out ipping your hours with pilates and putting your efforts elsewhere 😉

Goodluck.

It's hard to leave what's familiar, I left teaching after 10 years as the school in which I worked became a toxic environment when a new head took over.

Im now happy doing a degrer and work semi part time (57 hours a fortnight)

@derFutterneid you need to speak to ACAS, they are managing you out and by demoting you are probably hoping you will resign. It's constructive dismissal. I'm fairly certain that an Employment Tribunal would find in your favour and you would get a payout.

Firstly though, send every email and any paperwork you have to your personal mailbox, or make copies. Work your notice as diligently as you can. Respond to everything your managers say in writing, or email a recap of any in person conversations to the people involved ("I understand from our conversation x, y, z..." etc.) Don't put anything in writing that you wouldn't want to be read out in public, be polite and concise. Get evidence of positive interactions with colleagues.

Ask again, in writing, for evidence of the behaviours they are accusing you of.

If you are asked to attend any more meetings I think you should record them discreetly. It can be frowned upon, but in a recent bullying case the Tribunal found in the claimants favour and relied on the recording transcripts for evidence in his favour.

Others might think I'm being OTT, but 80% of my work involves employment tribunal admin for a very large organisation. Our Legal team would be advising your managers in no uncertain terms that they are risking an unfair dismissal claim and treating you unfairly.

Go off on the sick and job hunt in the meantime. Had a similar experience recently after working for decades like a trooper with a clean sickness record. You are just a number and once you open your eyes to see that your life will become so much better xx

OP, classic story of you killing yourself and them wrongly thinking you will take any bullshit from them.
Go to the GP and get signed off for stress which you undoubtedly have.
Take time to think, plan and apply elsewhere.

Then resign.

I was in a job in my late 50s where new, young, inexperienced management came in. After one particular meeting I came home, thought "I'm too old for this shit", checked my finances and quit. I intended to retire but then saw a fantastic job advertised and applied for and got it. Along with a 40% salary increase. Stayed there until I properly retired, although I still do some project work for them. Leave. And make sure you have an exit interview.

It's really telling that the things you were told after the appraisal had never been raised with you before. Please get legal advice before you resign, or go off sick with stress and get legal advice then.

This is appalling (your situation, not the quote!). I agree with @Ezzee but without the maybe. How long do they pay sick leave for? I’d leave without notice, to go on the sick, continue getting sick notes until all your sick leave pay (full and partial) is gone, and then resign. Build your Pilates business in the meantime. If anyone from work found out, the answer would be that you’re doing it for your mental health, which they have destroyed. That’s “allowed”.

Either that, or do them for constructive dismissal, but that may require a longer period of evident mistreatment; others on mumsnet will be able to advise, I’m sure. And in case you think I’m a chancer or whatever, I’m a 60 year old woman who usually disapproves vehemently of sicknote culture, but in your case they absolutely deserve it.

From what you describe in your post I would say this has nothing to do with you and iscsome sort of ticic style of management where they manipulate a high staff turnover. This can be to save on giving payrises among other things.
Leave and find a better job. With your years experience there is bound to be a better opportunity for you, even if it doesn't arrive immediately.
Good luck.

How do you mean downgraded? Appraisals usually look at how much you're achieving your objectives and what you should do to improve if needed. It might also look at things like flexibility and team work. You seem to be saying they have criticized your attitude and demeanor which are hard to measure. They have not been able to give proper examples so it does seem like they might be trying to encourage you to leave for whatever reason. Don't make it easy for them!. If they are unsatisfied with your work they need to tell you clearly and document it. I agree with others you should look for something else or follow up on your plans but only when you are good and ready.

If you don't need the money, I'd just quietly apply for other jobs. When you get one, I'd aim to start it at the beginning of the month, right after payday so they can't dock you money and just not go back. I wouldn't give them notice or anything, I just wouldn't show up. Let them see how many plates you were actually spinning.

100% leave OP. And see your GP to discuss sick leave - they can absolutely give you a fit note for one job (the one that's making you sick) but you can continue to do another. You sound like a great, hardworking employee that anyone would be lucky to have, and they will realise what they are missing when it's too late.

This stood out to me in your OP though:

Apparently I am too outspoken, but they specifically asked me to join a group of staff to talk about branch issues. I asked to step down from this and was asked to stay as my opinions are valued. After one meeting the head of the company told my manager that they were really impressed with how I professionally handled myself. Seeing me upset, a friendly manager told me that I had pissed off one of the managers by questioning something, and that the company ask for my opinion, but don't always like the answers.

You have probably realised by now, but 99% of companies don't actually want genuine feedback from employees, and sadly it does nothing but put you in the firing line. Your opinion won't be valued, and I suspect the origin of all this lies somewhere in the meeting you referenced. I absolutely refuse to attend these sorts of groups and forums (I work in the NHS so there are loads) and suggest you do the same in future.

I in no way suggested any of the situation was positive or acceptable.

Yes. I worked in a job where they used a very straightforward appraisal system which worked well. They changed it to an American system which used graphs and was very complex. We were not only measured by how well we had achieved the goals and targets that had been set, which I would expect, but also how by much we had gone beyond that in terms of extra tasks and initiatives. This was for a low paid, low level job.