AIBU to feel upset after my meeting with my manager?

Other posters have suggested quitting then claiming for constructive dismissal, but this is notoriously hard to win.

While it may seem that way, it isn't quite true. Many constructive and unfair dismissal claims are settled via ACAS conciliation, prior to ET hearings. The number of settlement claims aren't widely reported, but:

From ACAS data:
Acas settled around 70% of cases that did not progress to a tribunal hearing in July to September 2025. This represents a 4 percentage point decrease from 74% in April to June 2025.

From Yerty:
Around 82% of unfair dismissal claims are resolved without ever reaching a full hearing. The 6% struck-out rate is the highest of any major claim type — most often because claimants miss a deadline or fail to comply with a tribunal direction.

What percentage of unfair dismissal claims succeed?
Around 3% of disposed claims succeed at a full tribunal hearing. Of those that actually reached a hearing, around 43% won. 32% settle through ACAS conciliation, and around 82% are resolved without a hearing.

Oh, sweetie - your face no longer fits and your card is marked. So irrespective of the rights and wrongs of the situation, you need to leave and before your mental health and wellbeing further deteriorates and/or you’re put on some PIP or managed out. And I see you’ve decided to do so.

And as for what you say, well, you hand in your notice by email. And if asked, any response you chose to give can be limited to ‘it’s time for me to move on’.

As for getting signed off for your notice period, I wouldn’t - just come into the office on time, leave on time and do the bare minimum. Keep your head held high, remain professional and I think you might find your notice period a slow winding down. Oh, and don’t stress out about handovers, training other staff or manuals/‘how to’s’ you’re requested to do.

TBH - I think you have made a mistake and that’s simply overstaying your time at the organisation. Your loyalty and ‘above & beyond’ hard work has not been recognised by current management - the others have left and it’s now your time to go.

All the best x

Are you on or have you considered HRT?

Just leave. It's honestly not worth the agro.

I had a similar situation about 8-9 years ago. Was stressed up to eyeballs, mental health in tatters, yet I wound myself up no end about quitting. I'd be leaving them in the lurch! I wouldn't get another job! What would my partner/parents say?!

Anyway, on a random Tuesday afternoon, during a chat with my boss, it just fell out of my mouth that I'd decided to leave. He told me to sleep on it, which I did, and had the best nights sleep of my life. I confirmed my decision the next day, and IMMEDIATELY felt about 75% better.

The found a replacement for me within 24 hours - literally - the boss called in an old friend of his.

I've since gone on to have the happiest, most content 9 years of my adult life.

As for work, I started temping, and found I really liked it. I enjoyed the variety and change, and I set up 2 side hussles, which have both been really successful. I found myself wishing I'd made the jump years ago.

You've got this OP.

I'd wonder if they are just inexperienced/ rubbish managers, who are threatened by the fact you are so good & honest.

Do not let it get into your head. I have worked at places like this & nothing I did was ever good enough - it was like an abusive relationship.

If they thought you were so bad then why would they ask you to increase your hours?

You could do / try / say lots of things, but I wouldn't bother. Politely refuse the extra hours, stop going above & beyond, do only your set hours and take all your breaks.

Refuse to give your opinion on anything from now on. Meanwhile look & apply for any other job. Can you network with all those who have left & gone elsewhere to find somewhere where you would be valued & appreciated

They couldn't give you one example of your behaviour ... pathetic nonsense IMO!

Pilates all the way!

I've worked in environments where I've been falsely accused of having a bad attitude and not being a team player, and it's usually when they want you out. (which is usually for some reason which is nothing to do with you)

If it's paying bare minimum, why ever would you stay? Don't try and make sense of these people. You'll waste your life doing so.

I've always left jobs where the environment was toxic or I was lied about. Back then (10-20 years ago) you were called "flaky" and "job hopper" and told you'd never work again.

Now according to LinkedIn it's the done thing to walk out if unhappy! But these days mental health is prioritised.

Depends on the company. I can think of at least two in the area I live where employees are on or just above NMW and at most get a very small cost of living rise if they are lucky.

Did you overlook the part where the OP said she doesn’t actually need the money? I’d say the OP doesn’t need to progress. What a great position to be in.

It could also be classed as age discrimination if the people who progressed after their appraisals were all younger than the OP.

If the OP is the oldest member of staff and the only one to be downgraded that would suggest discrimination based on her age. Google Assistant suggests

Why a Single Downgrade Raises Red Flags
Under the Equality Act 2010, age is a protected characteristic. For an appraisal-based downgrade to be legally defensible, it must meet strict standards of objective fairness: 1, 2]

• Lack of Evidence: Tribunals heavily scrutinise the paper trail. If you have years of positive appraisals and suddenly receive a low score with no documented history of performance concerns, the employer's case weakens significantly. 1]
• Subjective or Ageist Language: Performance reviews must look purely at competence. Look closely at the written and verbal feedback. Subtle code words like "lacking agility," "struggling to adapt to new technology," "lacking energy," or hints about retirement are often markers of unconscious or conscious age bias. 1, 2]
• Inconsistent Metrics: If you are being scored against criteria that younger colleagues are not held to, or if your manager lacks a clear, transparent framework for the downgrade, it may constitute direct age discrimination. 1, 2]

DO NOT RESIGN! You’ve been there 18 years!

Other posters have suggested quitting then claiming for constructive dismissal, but this is notoriously hard to win.

See your GP and get signed off sick. Then file a grievance. Sit tight until they get rid of you and are forced to pay you redundancy.

Leave, if it’s minimum wage and you don’t have childcare flexibility to worry about just leave and get another pt job.

You need to do so-called 'quiet quitting'. Become chatty and smiley with everyone but actually do the minimum of work. Tell management everything is wonderful and never criticise anything.

Look out for a better job while doing this or even stay where you are and enjoy being paid for doing the minimum.

References:

https://www.gov.uk/work-reference

An employer is duty-bound to be fair, accurate and honest when giving a reference; it must be realistic and representative of the individual in question. An employer should not exaggerate or present the individual in an unjustified way for any reason, whether that’s overly positive or overly negative.

An employer cannot provide a negative reference without any justification, and they cannot speculate or include conjecture. This means that it is unlawful for an employer to act in a vindicative or untruthful way when providing references.

However, they can include statements that could be perceived as negative – for example, statements on the individual or their abilities – if they can be shown to be truthful and justified in the context of the role for which they are applying.

If ever there was a case for constructive dismissal this is it. Document everything that has been said to you.

Leave and your notice period usually starts as soon as it is submitted and acknowledged.
You’re stressed, not sleeping and it will be affecting your health.
Take the time to build up your Pilates and rest/recuperate.
I worked for a company that was taken over by another person, they made so many changes, brought in new staff and made it really difficult for the existing staff to stay.
Despite never receiving a customer complaint and going above and beyond in my role I was pulled into a meeting about my attitude….
Apparently I hadn’t been jolly enough and I was affecting morale (I was the last remaining member of staff from the original bunch). I handed in my notice there and then and never looked back.
The place still has a high turnover of staff now as I work within the same industry so hear about it in local gossip.

I wasn't surprised to hear you're in your 50's, opinions and challenging the status quo is only okay when you're in your 20/30s and then you start being seen as bitter and annoying. I've seen it so many times and I absolutely feel it's steeped in ageism and misogyny (mainly ageism as men are seen as grumpy old men).

Just leave - your health is far more important and they sound like complete toxic arseholes.

That's brilliant, OP. Focus on that. In a year's time, or possibly sooner, you will look back on all this and wonder how you endured such a nightmare for so long.

I used to be in a similar position and went self-employed. My salary trebled fairly quickly and I no longer have to deal with arseholes.

Incompetent managers protect their jobs by shitting on competent people like you. Stop wasting your time covering up for them in return for abuse.

How dare you criticise someone like that. The OP has said the role suits her and it's no one else's business why she hasn't "progressed" to your satisfaction. I'm 60 and I've never earnt more than the average UK wage due to disabilities and various personal matters, despite having a degree. Are you going to sneer at me too?

What a snide and unhelpful post.

1. Take some sick leave starting tomorrow due to the stress caused by the workplace
2. Make a GP appointment to explore with them if it’d be reasonable being signed off for longer due to manage your own wellbeing
3. With rest, when able, work to build your exit from this place. Hopefully while you’re off they’ll recognise your value. If not then you’ll have get yourself back to a place where you can build your future.