AIBU to feel upset after my meeting with my manager?

Keep the letter simple, give the minimum legally required notice. To ensure you receive all monies owed and make sure you have some time off before you start on your increased hours (if able). Congratulations x

I would be tempted to go nuclear, certainly report them once you have left. A nice cold resignation letter, your idea of mentioning the disrespectful way you have been treated seems good to me. There are many things you could do and say but as you have your other job I would just move on and forget the current lot.

Keep the resignation letter simple, no reasons given. Take it you won't need their reference in the future?

I'd only report anonymously, and some time after you've left. Or to people you trust to sort shit out.

I come home stressed and crying

work 8 days in a row sometimes

I was really upset about this, as I'd say I was one of a few people who do the lions share. I even manage the department when there is no manager. *

2nd longest serving member of staff of 10 years

and you are on £12.71 a hour?! WTAF

Great!

Good news!

Great news about the extra hours with Pilates. That sounds like the place where the owner and clients will and obviously do appreciate you. I can't see the company that are horrible lasting long. When it goes to the wall you can be thankful you have already left the place .Personally I hope you consider an IT as that money will be useful .All the best to you OP. I really think you would be better teaching Pilates as it will be lovely for you and your clients.

Your update is great news! So glad you’ve managed to secure more hours. I hope the horrible bosses realise what a mistake they made after you leave and their business folds! Wishing you all the best. 🌺

When it reaches this level of toxicity, it's imperative that you leave for your own wellbeing. I have been there and it nearly destroyed me.

I left my former employer with a financial settlement because they knew I had enough evidence for an employment tribunal. That's an avenue worth considering for you I think. I didn't have another job to go to, so the money saw me through.

Take the money and develop your pilates business.

I'm now a self employed contractor, valued, respected, asked to stay on repeatedly to do a variety of interesting work that I just wouldn't have done in my previous role. And leadership listen to my advice.

It took a while to rebuild my confidence after everything that happened. The best way of doing that is to do something that you enjoy and you're good at with a level of autonomy.

Good luck op.

Oh and PS the only other thing I would say is take sick days when you need them, whether that's for your physical or emotional health. Your employer will not be there for you long term if your health fails you and won't appreciate your sacrifice, as you have found out. It's not a badge of honour to work when you're unwell and it models other people not looking after themselves either. Obviously if your employer doesn’t pay proper sick pay that's different though.

Haven't RTFT so caveat that other people probably have more relevant knowledge than me. But I got legal advice on constructive dismissal from my last place due to them refusing my flexible working request and disability accommodations and not supporting me with alternatives. I was told that constructive dismissal is very hard to get and you have to show that there has been a breach of contract from your employer and that you resigned in response to that breach with no delay. I had found another job first so it was a couple of months later (but still while the appeal through work's processes was ongoing) and that was one of multiple reasons why I didn't have a case, so it might be similar if you don't resign until you have upped your hours at your other job.

The contract terms that have been breached can be implied so eg the breach the legal advice identified in my case was a breach of the 'implied term of mutual trust and confidence' but I would have had to show that there was 'no reasonable and proper cause for the employer's conduct' and that 'the conduct was likely to destroy or seriously damage the relationship of trust and confidence'.

Not to put you off and obviously get proper advice but you are right to be asking yourself if it's worth it. I found just going through the initial steps very stressful and upsetting and I had some union support. I did it not expecting to gain from it personally, I just wanted to hold them accountable to hopefully stop it from happening to someone else and I absolutely did make my work sweat a bit so hopefully they will be less blasé about not supporting people in future. I don't generally believe in going over people's heads but someone told the CEO why I was leaving in my last week and she met with me to understand what had happened before I went. I think your idea of contacting the senior guy is a good one.

I am so sorry that it has made you feel low and question yourself. You sound like a great colleague who cares about doing the job well and improving things. I'm sure you are right that ageism is a factor but for what's it's worth, I am still treated as a youngster at work and I have had a lot of jobs and my opinions are often not welcome! Yes being competent and unafraid to speak honestly in meetings does not normally make you a lot of friends. But people being afraid to speak up and have ideas to improve things is what holds organisations back. In the right culture it's a huge asset. Don't change who you are just because some other women felt threatened by it. Unfortunately we don't always support each other and instead fight over the scraps our employers might chuck us.

....sounds like my current workplace ☹️

Bloody hell, this place sounds similar to my old workplace. Badly managed, defensive leadership instead of solution focused, managers inability to truly reflect and build effective strategies, would rather everyone just shut up and be accepting of shite, enjoyed the power.

What was the massive legal bill for?

Also this.
Plain resigning, mentioning your reasons, your whistle blowing, your witnessing illegal behaviour, being targeted because you spoke up, will all give them pause and indeed, particularly if you mention you have sought employment advice, will definitely have them wondering whats coming down the line.

Again, peppering it with management names an cc's gives them zero cover and deniability.

This will piss them off so much.

I did it 30 years ago in a toxic environment after walking out of a contract position.
I had HR all over me wanting to fix it, and they admitted the Board of Directors were on to them asking who the hell is this? what has she written about? and copied us all on.

I took great pleasure in rightly shitting on a bullying manager who thought he could treat me poorly and needed the position.

Management do not like their names attached to negativity in my experience.

Even if you don't want to do the full constructive dismissal thing it's worth mentioning in your resignation email as your employers will probably take legal advice and waste a lot of their money.

I did this and it gave me great satisfaction to find out that the legal bill was massive and much more than redundancy would have cost them. I did get my union to write to them which apparently caused the director to nearly have an apoplexy. Incidentally OP, if it makes you feel any better I was told in an appraisal that I couldn't be considered for some tasks involving contact with the trustees as I was too common and they wouldn't like having to deal with me!

I'd have quit on the spot quite frankly, cleared my desk and gone off sick for whatever notice period was required.

Apparently they have observed this about me for a while, and my manager should have addressed it with me, but they did not. Even though I spent an hour and a half in my appraisal. Apparently they are too scared of me.

who told you that your manager was too scared to raise this?

National minimum wage for a decade? You have never asked for a pay rise or they have offered? 10 years?!