AIBU to feel upset after my meeting with my manager?

I hope you can get a voluntary redundancy as this company do not sound a caring place at all. It sounds to me if you can increase the Pilates hours that would better as that organisation will be a place that is a caring organisation and you would be far happier. I am sure the participants in the Pilates class would describe you far more favourably than the dreadful company so it sounds like they are doing their best to assassinate your character. I hope you can get a good deal on a voluntary redundancy deal and I wish you a happier future. Other posters are right this could end with your health suffering. Like others have said you could look at shop work for awhile if you needed The Pilates seems a great place as participants will be much nicer than the awful company. I send my best wishes.

Seems to me they see you as a threat and want to chip away at your confidence. Its a nasty management tactic (normally used by extremely inexperienced or bad ones) I’ve seen played out a few times.

If you don’t need the money to live on, I’d leave before it gets any worse for you. I would however get signed off for a decent period and then quit whilst off.

If you get sick pay go off with stress and let them endure you not being there to carry the weight. Your GP can then do a Fit Note for you with part time hours etc. At any point you can then resign hopefully a lot less stressed and ready with your increased Pilates work ready to launch.

This, 💯 no job is worth that stress.

Dear twattish boss.

Please accept this letter as my formal notice of resignation.

As per my contract I am required to provide 4 weeks notice, therefore my last working day will be xx/xx/xxxx.

Regards

xxx

Unfortunately not a company that values you. Pls do not think you cannot get a job elsewhere. Look up Brave Starts for inspo.

Absolutely get signed off sick. They have fucked you about and not need to find out. You should never make a decision about resigning in the heat of the moment - I agree with others that they are trying to push you out and jumping straight to resignation is playing their game. Get yourself down to your GP and explain.

If you do end up resigning, play writing the letter with a straight bat. You resign as of x date. You wish them well. Let the 'with running this place into the ground you absolute twonks' be unspoken.

Definitely leave OP - life is way too short to put up with this. It's clearly a toxic environment and it's just not going to get better. Work on your Pilates job prospects or find something else but don't keep putting yourself through this misery for money you don't even need.

Getting that stressed out about a minimum wage job is insane.

You are being bullied by a bunch of twenty year olds, just go off sick tomorrow and never return you will get paid for 6 months at least, life is too short, they may also be trying to get rid of you so dont allow them to do that, go off sick stating bullying and ignore them

I am in my 50's and they are in their late 20's

That could easily be enough to do it, with ageism being so rife - you're good enough to shoulder the burden of the work but no longer fit the team in their eyes
Also, If they're going for contractors rather than permanent staff they may also be looking to save money

Obviously you need to leave, and when you do I'd want an exit interview where you can tell them precisely what's led to the massive staff turnover and toxic atmosphere

Do it. It’s best now.

Write 2 resignation letters, one for fun, keep it to yourself, telling them what bastards they are, pour it out, pour out your inner sass and let rip.
Then
Get onto ChatGPT to help you formulate a short, professional resignation letter. Ping that to HR, copy in the manager.
Can you take any owed leave to go in a week or so??

Go sick and plan your exit.

Great plan from them- make your staff really unhappy. Then give them negative appraisals for daring to appear unhappy and god forbid anyone should have an opinion. Your manager is not doing there job properly if they can not politely and professionally address any issues that they have with your behaviour. If you have been rude etc, as they imply then this should be dealt with promptly, by your direct line manager- sounds like they are flaky! Do the bare minimum look for another job. Speak to GP re stress and menopause and log this with your HR- it could be seen as discrimination to be down grading you for displaying signs of menopause!!!! Play the game. You owe them nothing. Get signed off and practise your Pilates or phone in sick on random days with a ‘migraine’ - they have come on because of the stress of the appraisal. Continue to plan your exit. Good luck

You've already had plenty of great advice (I definitely agree with your decision to leave!), so I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're being treated like this when you've obviously worked so hard for this company! Ultimately it's going to be their loss 💐

Sorry to derail but if you are a Pilates instructor please increase! Where I go, the waiting list for a class is huge, you need to be at one to book on the next and the evening one I go to is full of retirees, pt workers and SAHP… you absolutely could get day time or 1-1 classes well full!

Be blunt. Tell them that you’re leaving because you are not appreciated for the work you do and you wish to work somewhere that you will be. Don’t need to say much more than that. They will have a shock when you go- they probably assumed you wouldn’t leave and that they could manipulate you into doing more work, criticising you to erode your confidence and giving you less pay. Don’t stand for it, you deserve so much more.

Are you in a union? If so, get them onto your case. Sounds like shocking treatment. The damage is done, and I'd understand that you probably don't want to stay there, but they might help you get an exit with some recompense for the treatment you've had.

Get signed off work with stress, and use the time to plan your next move be that upscaling Pilates or applying to other jobs. When ready you can resign while still off sick.

I work with late 20s early 30s. I am not that much older. But some of this is almost certainly generational disconnect between how the two generations communicate. IME in particular they give out extremely harsh criticism and are the first to cry unprofessional but absolutely cannot take any negative feedback themselves and like it all to be super positive and 'collaborative' without any of the work to get there. It's all about appearances and does t go any deeper. There's no loyalty cos it's all about them and how they feel. So anything you say has to be reframed into their mindset. There's some really good research and you tube videos into how gen X can approach communication with gen z to try to bridge the gap and it does help.

But it is the appraisal. You’ve been downgraded because of all those things they listed. You know how toxic this working environment is because you’ve seen so many people leave. Look back on the thread, it’s pretty unanimous. It’s not you, it’s them

Awful, I feel for you. My take, this job has affected you and your professional behaviours more than you realise with all the extra work etc. their feedback may be factual and valid but nothing has been mentioned to you or documented and that is unprofessional and unhelpful. I would immediately increase the hours on the other job and / or get another job. If you can afford to resign and are comfortable moving on without another extra role then do. I could not bear to work with such a bunch of unfair amateurs. You sound like a thoughtful, experienced thoroughly professional employee, they don't deserve your dedication.

In your shoes, I'd be slapping my resignation letter on them tomorrow morning, clearing my desk and then being off sick for the remainder of my notice.