AIBU to feel upset after my meeting with my manager?

If you plan to resign anyway then I would at least go down the HR grievance route before you do. Maybe if you have been there a long time they are trying to encourage you to leave before they need to offer redundancy.
Keep your grievance very factual- the fact they didnt raise any concerns in your appraisal then just downgraded you should be evidence in your favour.

You do seem a bit 'I do everything, everyone else are slackers' in your second paragraph.
If you vocalise this, it will piss people off even if it is true.

That said, if you don't need the money, leave. They obviously don't value your contribution and don't want you there.

They have handled this situation so badly. Even if these things were true, the annual appraisal should never come as a shock. It should be the documenting of things already discussed.
You should raise a grievance about how appallingly youve been treated

I would definitely leave. I would be tempted to give a whole letter about how you really feel about the situation, and I suggest you do write that for cathartic reasons, but don't actually send it.

You need to send a basic letter. 'This is my formal resignation, my last day will be blah blah blah'. If you really want to put anything in, I wouldn't put any more than "It is with great sadness, but due to the increasingly hostile work environment due to overstretching staff I feel I have no choice but to hand in my notice".

I would then get signed off with stress for your notice period; I would maybe do that first.

But I would not stay in a place that treated me like that, especially not for minimum wage. It's a horrible realisation when you go above and beyond for people and realise that you're not even appreciated. Sorry that you've had to go through that.

Seems to me it’s the way of the workplace these days. All the “we are all friends”, “we are a family” really annoys me.

Whatever happened to just going to work, getting your head down, doing a good job and then going home. If you do that now, you’re not a “team player”, which is ridiculous.

This place sounds completely toxic. They want yes-men and people who will work like slaves and not complain about it. If you dare raise your head above the parapet and express any level of dissatisfaction you’re beaten down and told it’s your attitude and behaviours that are the problem, not the stressful working environment. It’s a way of controlling you, of making you into performing monkeys. Comply or be downgraded.

The only way is out OP. Like others have said, if it’s NMW, just go for a supermarket instead. And increase your Pilates.

It depends on the wording of your contract but it's normally from the day you hand in your resignation, not the day after. Do you have any annual leave you can use up?

You just hand them a letter saying.

Please accept this letter as formal notice of my resignation.

My last working day will be X.

and

Ask for remaining leave to either be paid or taken prior to leaving.

that is it.

Make sure it is dated and the period starts on the next day so depending on your notice period and accrued leave days thats how you calculate your last day.

This manager suggested that I get my manager and a couple of other managers who also work along side me in a room and they tell me bluntly about my attitude and behaviours, I can then go away, reflect on it, and come back acting differently. I don't really like the sound of this!!!

Yes, you’re the problem and not their unreasonable and unworkable office environment. Any chance they’re mostly men? But I wouldn’t put it past thick as mince and mean women either. Definitely just go.

Seriously leave.
I was in a fabulous job for years but the work culture changed ( not me or my colleagues) it became toxic. I tried to solder on but the only person who i was hurting was myself. Once I left it was like the biggest weight was taken from me. My now ex colleagues who left felt the same. It happened to other teams in our department as well. On the first night after I officially left I slept so well and had a fabulous weekend not doing much but felt happy again.

I got another job that is very similar but for a different council so im still working with families and children but with nicer managers and in a better environment. Honestly you will find work if you want to, you will be happier and you will have tons less stress once you do your last shift!

Bad managers like people who smile and say everything’s fine. I used to work in a team where this was the culture. It wasn’t until shortly before I left that i discovered everyone else thought the manager was shit too.

Leave. No matter what you do, it won’t be enough.

And I would consider making a claim for constructive dismissal based on ageism etc - call ACAS on how best to do this

Hi OP, this sounds awful. I agree you should
leave, but think you should get employment advice before you resign. It feels very wrong if they have downgraded you based on a group of people having a discussion about you having never raised any issues with you previously, especially when they have given you so much more work to do - have they also potentially changed the nature of your role without discussion too? I have no idea if it might be constructive dismissal -
possibly not - but it doesn’t seem right so I would get advice about your rights in this situation. https://www.acas.org.uk/contact

Think about not being there for a while whether that's on holiday leave or sick leave so you have time to decompress from this shock. It appears there's no reference at stake anyway and you have another source of income.
Make plans, resign (unless you think you can wait it out for a redundancy package) but look after yourself. No NMW job is worth this amount of stress. I can't believe the level of character assassination at play here, telling people to smile more and so on - it seems way beyond the brief of management.

What is your sick pay policy?

Go off sick with stress - then work out a plan for the long term while recovering

Same regardless of wage.

Your notice starts from the date of the email. However, for today just ring in sick. You have been throwing up all night and have a bad stomach. This is due to stress. You've tried to get ready but can't get off the loo.

I agree with PPs don't just resign go off sick first to give you time to think and plan. Then you can resign at your leisure once you have had time to sort your game plan. Make them pay you a bit longer cheeky fuckers. Find your anger rather than upset - they have blamed YOU for THEIR errors, their terrible working environment, their terrible behaviours that are bringing you and all other sane staff down. When it comes to it, I'd just resign and say to your manager in person that this isn't a healthy working environment. I would do a basic simple letter saying I am resigning from my job as XX, last day XX. Definitely take as much of the resignation period off sick with stress as you can - it isn't lying, they have made you so stressed you have been coming home crying. That's not ok.

Ignore DH and listen to DC, your health is more important. Ramp up pilates 100%!

I agree with this. Leave and go somewhere else. You’re worth more than this. How dare they suggest getting managers in a room with you to discuss your bad attitude!!! You’re lucky you have money behind you.

Please exhaust all your sick pay first. Ring in sick tomorrow and then make a GP appointment for stress and support. That was a total character assassination and the workplace is completely toxic. It is not you! As a manager and HR professional this is definitely not the way to deal with an employee who is displaying a poor attitude. We would be having a conversation about what's going on with you? As in identifying issues. We also have a menopause policy. However, they already know the issues but they won't address them. Your face no longer fits. They will just employ someone else and work them to death for a few years until they crumble and leave. I hate my current job and am totally stressed due to bad management. When I walk into a room I look like I'm about to burst into tears or I'm looking harassed. I was only thinking on Friday that people must think this is my actual personality when it definitely is not!

But, yes, signed off to get sick pay, then hand in resignation.

It seems mad to be doing a job with management responsibilities for a minimum wage. In fact, your employers' expectations are totally unrealistic. You could get a similarly paid job with minimal stress levels very easily.

I don't think you need to say anything to them when you hand in your notice, but possibly do so when you finally leave. Make sure you take any accrued holiday before you go.

You would do so well as a police staff employee.

When they come up, there are a wide range of jobs; I’m thinking business improvement manager or project manager for you. It’s time for you side step promotion. The police would give you loads of training opportunities too. Have a look at your local force website. There’s a lot more structure to help people develop and straightforwardness and “get the job done” attitudes. They would/should value you.