AIBU to feel upset after my meeting with my manager?

I wouldn’t resign straight away. I’d go on stress leave for quite some time and try to recover while they’re paying me - fuck them. Go to the gp and let the whole toxic mess out, be emotional, get signed off. Write in to your manager please find attached doctors note that I am unfit to work. I have been under huge amounts of pressure from the overload of work and no support. Management have refused to let me drop anything ,everyone I used to work with has quit, management response is to give me their work and keep telling us to smile more, now they’ve downgraded my performance because they don’t like my attitude. Thinking about going into work tomorrow makes me want to throw up and I just can’t.

take the sick pay, relax, and plan. You’re never going back, except perhaps one last time to tell them to go jump.

Of course it is allowed to give a negative reference, provided the information is fair and correct. Otherwise, there would be no point in references to begin with.
But OP's company is only giving out standard confirmations of employment which are likely coming from a person in HR who has never met her.

OP - take a couple of days to think about next steps. Sounds as if resigning is the best thing for you but as others have suggested, a couple of days of sick leave to breathe and plan your exit could be useful.

Work out how much annual leave you have - look up your company guidelines about leaving and make sure that you're in charge of the next steps. So when you hand in your resignation letter, you already know how many days you have to work or whether you've got annual leave you can take as part of that.

It's a big step after so many years so take your time. Good luck.

You need to leave. If you are also one of the last permanent employees they may be making up stuff to try and push you to resign.

You could speak to ACAS about next steps, but you also need to consider how far you want to take this. You could resign and walk away, or you could confront them head on and go for constructive dismissal etc. As much as you may want to give them some home truths, you need to be mindful of burning bridges as you never know who may cross your path in the future.

However, I would think hard about going off sick because a future employer may ask your previous (current) employer for a reference and the number of sick days that you have taken. If you’ve been off for weeks or months a new employer may shy away from offering you a job. I have seen this happen to others.

I reckon that this is the reason. They want to make cuts and OP would be very expensive to make redundant.

These attitude problems may well be true, but they shouldn’t be brought up out the blue at an annual appraisal where they downgrade you.

The company is clearly struggling and it is what it is. The job is the job. So yes I’d leave if you don’t like it.

I agree. Over the 15 years or so I've done Pilates it's always been competitive to get a place. If you're good at it people will really appreciate you!

Also are you having any HRT to help you through the menopause? It made me able to cope better with stress etc.

I am glad you have decided to leave, I hope you are able to put it all behind you and move onto bigger and better things swiftly. X

Leave before you become unwell. It doesn't sound like you're the only one they are treating like this if other people are also leaving. Poor employee retention plus people going off sick is a red flag.

Yeah but if someone was in a well paid job that they couldn't easily find somewhere else, you could rationalise staying in a stressful job.

But for peanuts?! That's mental!

They can't give you a bad reference, its not allowed.

I haven't read the whole thread but I would speak to an employment lawyer and see if you can raise this somehow as a complaint. Because it sounds like bullying and a baseless personal attack. They can't do that.

When things are wrong people look for someone to blame. Labelling people without giving specific examples is weak and poor management.

You are an older woman. And generally not a thirty something who your managers, I suspect, would prefer. Easy to pick on. Expensive to make redundant. Perhaps more able than they are ? Someone might be managing you keen to prove they can manage you to a higher up. They want a promotion out of your misery.

You have three choices.
Stay and hope things improve. I suspect they will not.
Resign and argue for constructive dismissal. Very hard to put yourself through and very hard to prove apparently.
Get another job.

I would leave them to it and get another job. You have choices. It would be entirely liberating to go somewhere better.
And they do not deserve the feedback either as to why.

We did actually get told in a meeting recently that we all need to smile more

I’m sorry you’re working for a set of complete morons. Their opinion isn’t worth anything if they’re making such stupid suggestions. “Beatings will continue until morale improves”…. Get out now with your sanity intact - it won’t get better.

This is great advice, and it’s what I’d try to do in your situation.

this. with knobs on

also. lots of people are telling you to get another job in eg retail- I work in retail and it's EXACTLY what you're describing here

don't go to retail- focus on the pilates!

I would go to the gp and go on stress leave, then apply for as many jobs as you can. It sounds toxic and you shouldn't have to put up with that negativity but if your husband is against you quitting straight out thats worth a consideration, if you spent years as a sahm and he had to bear the financial majority, can the pilates cover the drop in pay? Or would it negativity affect your relationship because that's just transferring one type of stress to another

Sod that. Hand in your notice asap and even go off on stress leave for the remaining period. They have treated you appallingly. DO NOT let them get into your head. My goodness, they will be regretting what they have said when you have left and they realise how much you did! Go and do your Pilates work. X

Absolutely spot on !
I am imagining the relief you are going to feel when you know you never Have to set foot in the p!ace again.
If you are going off sick before leaving take all your personal item's home if any there, one less thing to worry about going back for.
Good luck in your peaceful new life to come.

Speak to ACAS. Ask about constructive dismissal claim. I am assuming you are not in a union?

You are NOT past your sell by date, don’t think like that! It’s them that have changed, not you. Fuck them OP.

I wouldn’t go off sick, it could affect your reference. I would resign and quietly work my notice.

This is far too much for a minimum wage job. I'm surprised you stuck to it this long. I know job market is tough right now but as you don't need the money and you have other sources of Income, I would prioritise your health and happiness now over financial investments. You can always make more money, you can't make more time or health.
Glad to hear you decided to leave. Don't worry about what to put on a letter. A basic "please accept my recognition. My last working day is X as per my contract notice period" is plenty.

@derFutterneid agree it sounds like a toxic environment, don't blame yourself.

Interestingly, I've been reading about how menopausal women behave more like men particularly in terms of becoming more direct and assertive. But as ever, what is acceptable for men in the work place is seen as unacceptable for women.