AIBU to challenge my husband using the same excuse over chores?

If you had really taught English, you would know how to use commas.

Who puts a child to bed on a bare mattress ?! This is neglectful. Look up Abby Eckel - she posts a lot on ig/fb about husband’s weaponised incompetence.
there is also emotional abuse here. ie if you raise any issue as is your human right I might just leave you.

For a former English teacher, spelling doesn’t seem to be your strong suit.

When you say ‘I got mad’, what exactly does that look like? Shouting and ranting at him for tiny mistakes is abusive.

If you can’t talk nicely to him then you probably deserve to worry that your husband will leave you.

He has always been like this what did you expect?

He knows you won’t leave, I am assuming he contributes enough cash for you to enjoy a lifestyle.

So yes if you stay you put up with him how he is. And your children learn how to be from him, boys or girls, the boys will treat girls like he treats you and the girls will put up with it like you do. So you raise the next generation of you and hims.

It’s a well known phrase. You could try educating yourself by reading one of any number of articles on the topic that can be found online. No need to be so cranky!

You need to sit down together and go through what’s making you both unhappy . Try to do it in a non blame way. So “I’m unhappy a lot of the time chores fall to me, I’d like things to be more equal .” Look at your life together and how you both want things to be. But there has to be compromise/ acceptance on both parts.

He says that he will leave to shut you up he thinks he can scare/shock you into behaving better.

Figuring out what is going on with him, getting him to grasp it and to work on it is just going to be very difficult without help.

It sounds like he gets triggered by being corrected. Then he focuses on his feelings instead trying to solve the problem.

Is it like you’re dealing with a child instead of an adult during these arguments?

It was a funny comment tbf and incredibly Mumsnet… Imagine your claim to fame being the fact you taught someone who writes the scripts for a TV soap about 30 years ago.

Anyway, I agree with PP who suggested you leave the sheet off the bed and ask if he’s willing to sleep on the bare mattress. Who would do that to a baby? What a prick. He’s lazy AF and manipulating you so he can continue to be lazy.

Depends if he’s always been like this ?

some people don’t see mess , don’t care and live in chaos this is who they are they aren’t expecting anyone to do it for them that is the standard they live to

What’s that got to do with anything?! You sound tedious/ nauseous. I bet you go round saying that to everyone as well don’t you? 🙄

What exactly is he bringing to the relationship?

couldn’t live with someone like this personally.

fair enough some people have different standards of tolerance to general mess. But no one with even 1/2 a brain cell puts a baby to bed without a sheet on the mattress.

How many children do you have with him?

He's not going to change because he thinks the chores belong to you and they he does not want to do them and he will bully you until you cave in

There is no excuse for doing any shore wrong there are literally hundreds of YouTubes that show you exactly how to do any chore so he is just making excuse because he doesn't want to do it

I read something once from a previously useless dad, who then grew up said. He used to say that his wife was a control freak and a helicopter parent and basically put her down because she was uptight gut and the one with the problem. However he said that if he were to admit that nutrition, or supervision, or routines were important for their children that then he would actually have to start prioritizing those thing too like his wife did. By just blaming her and putting her down and denying that those things were important that then he was off the hook and could be lazy.

Not the point but I’d be inclined to strip your bed back to a bare mattress to see if he’d actually go to bed in it himself.

I don’t know what the answer is. My DH was like this. He improved a bit down the track but not greatly. It wore me down so much and we’re currently separated.

Can you ask him in a curious tone something like “hey I know you like to do that task differently than me, can you explain your motivation behind doing it in that particular way?” And see if he can explain his logic. I do realise his logic will be wrong but it might help him see that you are not being controlling but have reasons behind your requests.

This will be my last response to you as the thread is not about you or me.
Initially I commented on your quite rude response to @Ohdearnotthisagain.
Ive made some valid points and responded to your comments.
Ive not been manipularive or engaged in dirty tactics.
Im entitled to a different opinion.
Was I supposed to be starstruck by your 'claim to fame?' As Ive previously stated its irrelevant.

i would say yes I absolutely draw the line at neglect. If you cannot do better than be an actively neglectful parent who puts your child’s health and safety at risk then we should separate, I will report your behaviours and you won’t get custody. Putting a child to sleep on a bare mattress is neglect. If I weren’t here they’d have weed on the mattress and there is no chance you cleaned it properly, putting a child to sleep on a wee soaked mattress is neglect and cps should be called. I will not live here having to actively fight you to not have our child neglected nor do I want to live with you while you do fuck all for your child. So would you like to leave or would you like to be a dad who loves his child? It’s either or, if you can’t be a caring dad then I do not want you here. I’ll tell everyone why too, you won’t get away with any bullshit like she was too demanding and nagging.

Men tend to add a huge amount of extra chores and they eat a lot more too. Some make up for this in other ways, her lazy arse husband does not. She'd definitely have far less work to do without him.

This.

@HumbleHun no one has claimed its in the dictionary.
This doesnt mean the poster made the term up.
Many colloquial terms eventually end up in the dictionary.
Its irrelevant who you previously taught.
With respect your class composition would have been random, (unless split according to ability) and you'd have followed the same curriculum as all other English teachers.
Respectfully I wont play top trumps as our academic and life achievements arent relevant to this thread.
Just a heads up, I think @AssassinsEyebrow was being sarcastic.

I'm fully aware but that terminology is a nonsense and would not pass muster at the OED HQ

SFW. The English language changes according to usage, annoying as it can be at times. If you taught English, you would know this.

Thankyou, he/she still.keeps in touch and allows me to name drop them at dinner party's and functions.

Congratulations