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AIBU?

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AIBU to expect my brother to compromise on a family holiday?

31 replies

GenerallyVeryUnreasonable · 05/09/2026 21:24

Sorry long story:

Myself and DD (4) have joined my Mum and Dad on a UK holiday. My brother and SIL have also joined. They are here for 4 days but we are returning after only 2 due to school on Monday for DD. Brother and SIL are younger than me and do not have children. I’m a single parent.

This morning me, dad and DD went for brunch. Invited SIL and brother but they fancied somewhere else they’d found on IG. All fine. Met after and took a walk along the coastal path and back. DD obviously tired by this point. Told her we’d be going to visit the gift shops and I’d buy her a momento and some sweets. We had also all planned to have fish and chips somewhere in this same town and visit a little beauty spot. So we’re in the town, it’s 4pm ish but we haven’t eaten since brunch and everyone needs a wee. We’re all a bit tired so I suggest we dive into a half decent pub for some food, drink and a wee. Spot a pub with some tables in the sunshine.

SIL pulls up reviews on her phone. They look fine. Brother says she doesn’t like the brewery operating it. We’re all standing at the edge of the road while brother looks at other places on google reviews. He says “it’s fine, you lot can go there but I’m not eating there”. Me, DD and dad cross the road and go to the pub. Brother and SIL continue on to their preferred place. I’m a bit annoyed because I don’t think it’s necessary to make such a big deal and it’s more about the people and the sunshine - lots to enjoy at an average pub. My mum is a bit worried and wanting us all to try and stay together. I don’t know what to do for the best so I say I’m going to take DD to the gift shop so I can fulfil my promise to her (after telling her prior that we may have to miss the shop because everyone is hungry and since we’re on a family holiday we have to compromise) and dad and mum go with brother and SIL.

We finish at the shop then go to catch them up on the way to the chosen pub. We all walk 15 minutes to find we are at another average pub. Brother is criticising the menu. I get annoyed and say that I thought we were just trying to have a quick dinner. That not every meal has to be perfect. I try to explain my frustration. He explodes - becomes hostile in tone. We get into a row. He threatened to storm off so I tell him to go then. He says mean things to me and I say mean things to him (that he centres himself and needs to grow up). Then he and SIL leave and go back to the holiday rental. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since and they’re both currently out on their own for the evening.

I think he has his head up his own arse, frankly, and is forgetting that we have a 4yo in tow. I think if he’s going to come on a family holiday then he should just accept that he has to go with the majority vote for most of the time - not every meal is going to be a gastronomic experience and if he wants that then him and his girlfriend should do their own thing right from the start. AIBU?

OP posts:
seahorsessky · 05/09/2026 22:01

Take it in turns to pick.

AmnesiacsDream · 05/09/2026 21:53

The problem seems to be that you need things a bit more planned out if you have such different desires. For you making sure your DS has a good time and all the compromises that go along with that are important. For your DB good food seems to be important. Discussing the best places to eat before you all traipse off for the day might have made it easier to make the day work.

it can be infuriating, when everyone is tired and hungry, to try and find a place that’s acceptable to people who are a bit picky, but a holiday needs to take the things that are important to people into account.

ByTipsyShark · 05/09/2026 21:52

To be fair it’s his holiday too, you seem to want to call the shots the whole time. I wouldn’t want to eat in a crap pub just because!

Dorasdoor · 05/09/2026 21:45

I feel sorry for your parents!

Could you and your brother both grow up and start behaving yourselves on holiday?

You’re both spoiling things for them.

Terrible example for your daughter too.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 05/09/2026 21:44

This is why I wouldn’t go on holiday with my adult brother! You’re at different points in your life, it’s not going to work.

Bearbookagainandagain · 05/09/2026 21:40

I actually disagree with you. You want your brother to do what you've decided. He doesn't want to. No one is compromising here.

It's easy to go along with the majority when you're part of it, the reality is that it's between you and your brother because your parents don't really care.

I don't understand why you and your mother absolutely want to stay together, let them do their thing and meet up after. A family holiday doesn't mean you have to be together 24/7.

Or just don't go on holiday together.