AIBU to stop helping after injuring myself lifting elderly neighbour?

YANBU. And if you injure your back, it could well end up being a permanent injury.

And when all the ‘Ambos’ are out picking up people who’ve fallen, and there are no ‘Ambos’ (sorry, you mis-spelled degree qualified medical professionals) available to go to a cardiac arrest or stroke, because they’re picking up Fred who falls weekly, maybe people might think there’s a better way…
Camel lifting equipment should be available in every community like DeFibs are.

You mustn’t pick him up, I know it’s hard to see someone on the floor but you may injure them more and it might hurt you too. I know this shouldn’t be a thing but you’re not doing him any favours long term. My gran used to fall loads and neighbours/postmen whoever used to help her up which meant she pretended she was safe at home alone when she really wasn’t! We needed it all recorded and needed to phone the ambulance to help lift her to get her out of her home and into care.

Did the call handler mishear the address as Ramsey Street?

What do you think? I think your husband's lividness isn't the thing you use to make decisions about what help you're willing to offer. If anyone would be justified in being annoyed it would be you not him.

Do you know what made the wheelchair move in such a way as to injure you?

If the proper equipment could be made available in their home would you and the others be willing to use it?

It's not unreasonable to refuse to provide help that you can't safely provide. At the moment with the injury you're not going to be able to help. But bear in mind that ambulance calls to help well people off the floor are relatively low priority so you may get repeated requests after he's been lying on the floor for X hours and it will be hard to maintain the refusal. Consider what you can offer eg. making him a sandwich and hot drink to eat whilst waiting for help off the floor.

May not be your business directly but worth him understanding why he's falling so much - GP/OT/Physio/wheelchair services might all help with that.

Two words...........mental capacity

A few years ago my late Father fell on me a 8.5 stone person (he was 17 stone). He didn’t mean to hurt me of course but he had hidden just how unsteady on his feet he was as I didn’t live locally. We were going out for lunch and I could see he was trying to do things too fast and I went to grab him.

Luckily I was just a bit bruised but never never again even for my Mum who was lighter than me.

I know it’s not the point of the thread, but was he transferring from vehicle to wheelchair when he fell?
If he fell from his wheelchair in his van, who was driving?
If not driving or transferring, why did he not have a lap strap to stop him falling out?

Op I really hope you make a full recovery without any issues. But at your age, you also need to be careful about your health. My cousin sister helped an old family in similar circumstances, and ended up having permanent back issues. She was in her 40s when it happened so much younger than you. I feel sad for the old couple and it’s not unreasonable of your dh to inform their children about the situation. Just advise him not to talk in an angry manner. They should all make appropriate arrangements for the elderly couple in the family.

Worked on community care for over 15 years and we were NOT allowed to lift fallen people ever . You should ring 999 everytime you can injure not just the patient but yourself as you have done . It’s not your job or responsibility

It is not safe to lift an elderly person after a fall. Much better to call an ambulance. They may have injured themselves, and as you have found, you may injure yourself.

You shouldn’t attempt to pick him up . He could have an injury , such as a broken hip which could be made worse by moving him. Next time phone for an ambulance . They will assess him and lift him as necessary. He could have a bit of a wait but could be made comfortable with blankets and pillows . You are definitely not being unreasonable by refusing to lift him .

Give them the information they need to get a pendant alarm system from the LA. If he falls they press this and it goes to a central answering base who will then get in touch with whoever they have been given as the contact (usually a family member) and the responsibility becomes thier's. If they cannot help then the call centre calls an ambulance to lift him.

It sounds as though they have not had the proper assessments and OT involvement to help keep them safe. You need to tell them that lifting him has harmed you and you can no longer do this. Give them the contact details for getting an OT in from the LA, usually via SSD.

I know that it is hard to refuse to help, but there is more than one way of helping him. You do not have to do it yourself but make sure that they know about proper sources of help.

It is ideal if they ask for that help themselves but you can refer them to SSD as Vulnerable Adults and they then have a duty to assess.

No need to be so rude to someone so kind like Op.

sorry I don't understand?

I haven't rtft yet but do you have a falls team/urgent response team? Their literal job is to check people over and lift them carefully with the correct equipment. I think ours is daytime only and accessed via 111. The response time is within 2 hours I believe. It might be worth investigating if something similar exists near you.

safeguarding is not the issue here

I had a similar experience with an elderly neighbour of my Mum's. I helped her for years until it became obvious she needed professional support. Her family were useless, living abroad. Finally my Mum's illness became terminal and I couldn't help the neighbour anymore. She started to fall, finally breaking her hip and being forced to go into a nursing home miles from friends. If only she'd accepted support she could have stayed at home. She'd plenty of money!

Don't be daft.. You can do an online safeguarding referral without permission

Does he not get any social services help at home?

Not unreasonable at all. Very kind of you to have gone above and beyond for as long as you have. You can still be friendly. It’s so funny how drawing boundaries make us all uncomfortable. I think women more so than men sometimes. It’s a hard position for anyone to be in and i sympathise with their situation but this is not your problem xx

You don't want to end up disabled too!! You can't help with the heavy lifting OP. While it's nice to be neighbourly this is going beyond the call of duty. The family need to set up support for this incidents which sadly will happen from time to time.

I think that you should just say, I'm sorry but after my fall I have been told no heavy lifting I really think you should have an alarm that you wear round your neck and just press if you need help. Lots of people have them and you can get help quickly whether at home or out and about. Which is true, I'm 79 ok at the moment but if I became u steady or worse then I'll get one without hesitation. Sometimes it seems you have to be cruel.to be kind. They obviously can't cope and their children unless on the doorstep can't just appear at the drop of a hat.

Please don't help any further with rescuing. If there is a further fall call an ambulance and then his family The family need to refer them to social services for an assessment of needs and I suspect they will reccommend residential care as they are unsafe. You and your neighbours are risking serious injury to yourselves.

Oh gosh OP, that sounds terrible. You are now within your rights to completely pull back. In the USA you'd probably sue them for lost earnings, but I'm guessing in the spirit of neighbourly relations you won't.

I hope to god they are grateful, and apologetic. You must not further injure yourself.