AIBU to refuse my 17-year-old caring for a 14-year-old all week

This would be my reason for saying no as it’s essentially putting you in charge (but via the back door!) unless his dad is close by as presumably it’s the dad’s sibling who is the one going away?

This & also the point of them being too close in age so it’s teens hanging out.

Well, only until someone asks a question about their 16yr old doing something and everyone piles on about how "children" shouldn't be let out of sight for even a moment because of all the predators everywhere 😜

No I wouldn’t agree to this. And he shouldn’t have been asked. Mostly because teenage girls and teenage boys shouldn’t be in this type of environment on their own for a number of days.

No.

No. Read the 15yr house party thread

Absolutely!

And speaking as someone who was the older teen in your ds’ position (I was 19, she was 13) it was a complete nightmare for me.

You surely can't be this naive.

She is his NIECE!!! WTF is wrong with people!

My 17 year old hasn’t been alone overnight either. I don’t think that’s as unusual as people are saying. It’s just not come up because there’s always someone around.

What is the 14 year old like? If it’s a case of wanting someone in the house with them overnight, or a bit of help cooking, I’d consider it. It might be good for both,

If the 14 year old is likely to bristle against a minder, and needs proper supervision in regards to drink, drugs and house parties, that’s a firm no.

But for me, it would just depend.

My mother left home to work in a different city at 14, didn't need to be looked after by anyone.

Well put.

This. He should not be left alone for long periods with a teenage girl, if anything at all goes wrong, he'll be under the microscope. And he cannot control her, she's 14, what if she drinks or goes out partying, or any other normal teenage rebellion behaviour he won't know what to do.

And just generally it's too much to ask of any 17 year old anyway.

Do they even know each other especially well? IMO it’s just not appropriate for a number of reasons already mentioned and I’m generally very lax. Dd13 has been alone tonight as I’ve been at work

How much is your DS going to be paid for 7 days of 24hr a day childcare?

£100 a day? £200? Or are they expected to do it for free?

Absolutely not. It is putting your 17 year old in a difficult position if the 14 year old throws a party, doesn’t come home etc. to say nothing of the safeguarding concerns.

Just no.

Whoever it is that has asked can jog on and put appropriate arrangements in place.

Speaking as someone who remembers being 14, I would say I would rather be in charge of a whole house full of 4 year olds after a Haribo buffet than one 14 year old girl. They are chomping at the bit to be adults and have no common sense to rely on. I know full well that if I, at 14, was left in the care of a male cousin (however reliable) only 3 years old me I would have been beyond delighted with everything I thought I could get away with. He will be responsible for anything and everything that happens whilst she is in his care. House full of drunk teens trashing everything? All blame on him. Going out and not coming home (or worse)? All blame on him. Drink/drugs/sex? All blame on him. They need an adult person watching their teenage daughter.

Are they offering to pay or is this all supposed to be for free?

if you think he’s responsible enough (and you’re okay with being the emergency support), I’d ask him if he wants to do it, providing the were offering a reasonable amount. (Or if they had been particularly generous to him in the past). I wouldn’t facilitate them taking advantage of him, but it seems like an opportunity to earn some money and gain confidence and independence which sounds pretty good to me.

I left my 17 year old in charge of the house, the cats and my car keys while I went off to the Carribean for 2 weeks, he couldn't come due to his job.

I wouldn't however have wanted him babysitting a 14 year old in someone else's house. That's opening him up to being accused of unsavoury things....

How would he cope if the 14yo brought her BF home to stay or decided to have a big party? It would be a hell of a mess and you'll be picking up the pieces.

I would have trusted my 17yo 100% but not a teenager girl I didn't know really well.

Isn't it up to him to say yes or no?

I was living independently at 17, had a bedsit and was at college and work

The situation surely is that 2 teens, who hopefully are both responsible, are just keeping each other company for the week. Whose idea was it, who has asked him to do this?

Why not? Everyone is different, with differing strengths and weaknesses.

This is not about being left alone - I won't do it because we have issues with home invasions. A 17 year old also has no authority where a 14 year old is concerned. She will just do what she wants.

My immediate 'hell no' is that it leaves your DS vulnerable to accusations. It does happen.

I probably should have specified I think it’s odd to ask your 17 year old male half-sibling to look after your 14 year old daughter

I think it’s odd that someone would ask their 17 year old half-sibling to look after their 14 year old daughter. Really odd. I don’t think it’s appropriate at all.

If they were siblings who get on well together, then for a weekend maybe.