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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to refuse my 17-year-old caring for a 14-year-old all week

105 replies

Jollytealswan · 05/09/2026 20:47

My 17yo has a 14yo niece. He has been asked for look after her for a week whilst her family goes on holiday. She is no relation to me.
My 17yo is a good trustworthy guy, but i have yet to leave him alone in the house overnight. I think he would be absolutely fine, but the situation has never arisen.
I am however dead against him being responsible for a 14yo for a whole week. Maybe overnight with me on call. But not a whole week.
My mind is racing through worst case scenarios...missing 14yos, medical emergencies. household disasters, arguments etc.
I get that I would end up responsible for the 14yo as well.
I acknowledge that the law is unclear on this and relies on risk assessment and common sense. I wouldn't leave my 17yo alone for a week.
What does everyone else think?

OP posts:
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bababamama · 08/09/2026 19:01

It depends so much on the 14 year old, if it were mine at 14 and 17 it would have been fine because dd2 was super sensible, I’m aware not all are

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 08/09/2026 18:54

@middleagedmermaid Speaking as someone who remembers being 14, I would say I would rather be in charge of a whole house full of 4 year olds after a Haribo buffet than one 14 year old girl.

ITA and I have to say, your comparison made me laugh way too hard today!

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 08/09/2026 18:41

Jollytealswan · 07/09/2026 06:57

I am trying to not step in as its a sensitive situation. As i said before, its not my side of the family, and he's desperate to maintain a good relationship with them. He says he's going to turn them down, just thinking how to put it. I feel very sorry for him.

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I would think him saying he just doesn't feel comfortable with the scenario would be enough for them. It's sad to me that he feels this pressure.

If he uses you saying you think it is not a good situation, they will take it out on him? I would feel the same if it was a 17-year-old girl and a 14-year-old boy. There is just not enough age gap there to ensure the 17-year-old can "adult" a 14-year-old.

I feel for your son. I wish you could just say "No" and have everyone respect that, without pushback/negative feedback.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 08/09/2026 18:35

Along with most of the others, this is not only a "No, but hell No" from me.

It sounds like a Mumsnet disaster story waiting to be written.

Original poster
Jollytealswan · 07/09/2026 06:57

Ohdearnotthisagain · 06/09/2026 12:56

So what’s the update @Jollytealswan ?

I am trying to not step in as its a sensitive situation. As i said before, its not my side of the family, and he's desperate to maintain a good relationship with them. He says he's going to turn them down, just thinking how to put it. I feel very sorry for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jollytealswan · 06/09/2026 19:04

B9waiting · 06/09/2026 17:05

Very true @Shinyhappyapple but there must still be a shared dad in there somewhere (Op’s ex) - can he not do it?

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Hahahaha you would think...

OP posts:
Rondayvu · 06/09/2026 17:25

Oh and no I would think it highly inapropriate also.

Rondayvu · 06/09/2026 17:24

Jollytealswan · 05/09/2026 21:08

Its more a case of i don't stay away overnight. My daughter lives at home too. He would be absolutely fine. I am single and up to now we all tended to holiday together, because ....well we actually like eachother and have a laugh. Its obviously going to change now he's older, but weird as it seems I like my kids' company.

Very same here and mine has never stayed home alone while I fecked off for the night either plus we still go away and have fun together. Some people parentify their kids something chronic.

B9waiting · 06/09/2026 17:05

Shinyhappyapple · 06/09/2026 16:55

That would make her his cousin.
She is his niece so must be the daughter of his half sibling.

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Very true @Shinyhappyapple but there must still be a shared dad in there somewhere (Op’s ex) - can he not do it?

Shinyhappyapple · 06/09/2026 16:55

B9waiting · 06/09/2026 08:55

This would be my reason for saying no as it’s essentially putting you in charge (but via the back door!) unless his dad is close by as presumably it’s the dad’s sibling who is the one going away?

This & also the point of them being too close in age so it’s teens hanging out.

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That would make her his cousin.
She is his niece so must be the daughter of his half sibling.

Timeforachange26 · 06/09/2026 15:48

Female123456 · 06/09/2026 09:09

No way he is under 18
that is classed as a child looking after another child.
If something were to happen
social services and the police would be on you like a ton of bricks.
I wouldn't do it.
Especially if you say he hasn't been left alone before.

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Like a 16 year old with their own child is???

It's not a good idea because 1, she can not take any notice of anything he tells her and also if he tries to stop her doing something she could blackmail him by threatening to say he abused ger

Greenmouldycheese · 06/09/2026 15:47

No way. We have all been 17 year olds ourselves and know how irresponsible they are. Id never allow it.

VividPinkTraybake · 06/09/2026 15:19

I think it is peak mumsnet that everyone here is horrified about it without actually asking what the 17 thinks about it, but then are horrified when 18 years olds don't act like adults and suggest "get their own place" the moment a dish is left out.

Why does the o.p get a casting vote anyway?

KateBushAgain · 06/09/2026 13:46

Absolutely not !
They are too close in age for your DS to have any sort of authority in that situation.
Many many things could go very wrong .

bigboykitty · 06/09/2026 13:26

It's totally inappropriate for the reasons you've listed OP and for several that you haven't. There is absolutely nothing unusual at all about a 17 year old never having been left alone overnight.

bananaapplepears · 06/09/2026 13:23

I've got a nearly 17 year old who has never been left alone overnight. The situation hasnt arisen. This is not unusual amongst his friends.

mbosnz · 06/09/2026 13:19

Aninabertsi · 06/09/2026 05:58

She is his NIECE!!! WTF is wrong with people!

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And?

You really are very sheltered if you think that creates some unbreakable holy barrier to issues, either real or perceived.

JohnofWessex · 06/09/2026 13:16

I suggest that a lot of 17 year olds experience of having had - or not had a night alone is a function of their parent(s) lifestyle finances etc and not over protective parenting

Tryagain26 · 06/09/2026 13:12

Girasoli · 05/09/2026 20:56

I would honestly rather a 17 year old looked after a 4 year old all week! The 4 year old is less capable of getting into trouble (e.g. going out without permission)

I agree with this.i wouldn't be happy for a 17 year old boy to be responsible for a 14 year old girl
They are too close in age and the potential for something going wrong is much greater

Teenagerantruns · 06/09/2026 13:06

I would say no, 14 year old girls are hard work in my experience. And she will likely do what she wants and ignore your son.

Original poster
Jollytealswan · 06/09/2026 13:00

dh280125 · 06/09/2026 12:33

Surely though they’ve been away from home for the night?

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Yes. But thats not the issue

OP posts:
Ohdearnotthisagain · 06/09/2026 12:56

So what’s the update @Jollytealswan ?

dh280125 · 06/09/2026 12:33

HippeePrincess · 05/09/2026 20:53

i can’t get over the fact your 17yo has never been left alone for the night.

Surely though they’ve been away from home for the night?

Female123456 · 06/09/2026 09:15

Personally I think they sound irresponsible people

They could have asked you an adult to do it rather than the the 17 year old child. That would have been better.

You can refuse and should refuse if you don't feel comfortable with it

Female123456 · 06/09/2026 09:09

Jollytealswan · 05/09/2026 21:12

In her house.
I would obviously be on call and don't live far away. I haven't been asked.

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No way he is under 18
that is classed as a child looking after another child.
If something were to happen
social services and the police would be on you like a ton of bricks.
I wouldn't do it.
Especially if you say he hasn't been left alone before.