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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to think as you get older being a bit fatter looks better?

169 replies

ywllowcomercio · 05/09/2026 18:48

Im 5’6, weighed between 7.5-8stone until I hit mid thirties. Now I’m 40, I think I look awful under 8.5 stone, and actively have to work to keep my weight up to avoid looking gaunt and older.
aibu to think being excessively thin makes you look old and haggard? Also I love having tits again 😂 never had any until I was pregnant the first time ha

OP posts:
Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 10/09/2026 00:52

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/09/2026 17:41

Nothing she said was that different from posters on here claiming that they eat really healthily and they're just small naturally. She wasn't incredibly thin or slim, she didn't fast, didn't binge, didn't purge, she pretty much followed the health advice of the time for a balanced diet.

My original reply was to an attempt to dismiss the very real risks of osteoporosis from pursuing the 'normal' low weight by wanting the poster to talk about the risks of diabetes, cancer and heart disease, all of which she got in addition to the osteoporosis. Because I had said out of those, I'd far prefer the ones that can in the majority of cases be treated than the one that she had first and left her in constant pain for 70 odd years as a direct result of her wish to be in that 'everything's normal, I'm just petite with an implied and sometimes outright unlike the great heifers you see around these days' clique.

That poster was me.

I'm very sorry about your mum, it sounds like she had a horrible time and it's obviously affected you deeply.

But my post was about risk not one person's experience. My mum is 81, skinny, sedentary and doesn't have osteoporosis at all, or heart disease for that matter. Does that cancel your mum's story out? No, neither anecdote is really useful or relevant when we're talking about risk, we need population level data to make good decisions.

RobertaFirmino · 10/09/2026 01:28

Almost 50 and a lanky streak of piss. Always have been. I'd rather have a face like a bag of spanners than deal with the strain excess weight would put on my body. I've got rheumatoid arthritis so need to take good care of my joints. Plus, I feel I owe it to the NHS to help myself as much as possible. My current drug regime must cost them quite a lot.

BruFord · 10/09/2026 01:52

RobertaFirmino · 10/09/2026 01:28

Almost 50 and a lanky streak of piss. Always have been. I'd rather have a face like a bag of spanners than deal with the strain excess weight would put on my body. I've got rheumatoid arthritis so need to take good care of my joints. Plus, I feel I owe it to the NHS to help myself as much as possible. My current drug regime must cost them quite a lot.

@RobertaFirmino I agree, but no one has advocated being overweight on this thread. The OP said that being "excessively thin" can make some people look gaunt as they age, i.e., they're underweight or at the lowest end of their BMI.

A person in the middle of their BMI, however, isn't overweight, and some people do look better like this.

OtterlyAstounding · 10/09/2026 02:01

I agree, not that it should matter what you look like - health is the most important thing.
I'm just barely within a healthy BMI (at the low end) in my late thirties, and have lost the baby fat in my face over the last five years, and do think I verge on looking gaunt. I'm trying to get my weight up to a BMI of 20 or 21, and I know I need to build more muscle for my bone health, but god, it's difficult when you find food a chore and hate exercise.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 10/09/2026 02:15

What the first couple of posters are saying is "a bit fatter" is "being a normal weight instead of being underweight".

They must think I'm immensely fat at the top end of the healthy BMI range, as a size 10 and 11 stone odd at 5'7" with good muscle tone aged 51. If I was under nine stone I'd be a size 4-6 and would hardly be able to buy clothes to fit me, which doesn't seem particularly practical, quite apart from anything else.

mulberrymilk · 10/09/2026 02:18

CIaudiaWankleman · 06/09/2026 10:21

Er, Its not quite as clear cut as - if you stay slim you'll die.

The reason the BMI figures look different after 65 is that BMI becomes a much less useful measure of health as we age.

It isn't that being heavier suddenly becomes healthier. It's that muscle mass becomes increasingly important, and older people naturally lose muscle as they age. Someone with a BMI of 21 at 30 may have plenty of muscle, whereas someone with the same BMI at 75 could have very little muscle and very little nutritional reserve.

There’s also the issue of reverse causation: illness, frailty and poor appetite can cause people to lose weight, so the low BMI may actually be a consequence of declining health rather than the cause of it.

So in older age, muscle mass, strength, fitness, nutrition and whether someone's weight is stable becomes much more important than solely BMI

Edited

It has little to do with any of that. The overweight category - bmi 25 -29.9 - becomes the healthy weight category for people over 65, for a myriad of reasons. For example: It is healthier to have nutritional reserves (in case of illness and also for loss of appetite which occurs for many older people), to have a little more fat padding to offset any falls, and to protect bones and also maintain bones with the extra circulating oestrogen in the fat cells. It is better for immune function, and for stimulating muscle mass, which is reduced by age.

Multiple studies have shown this.

Ilovelurchers · 10/09/2026 02:24

There's not right or wrong. As long as one is a weight that is broadly safe, one should choose the weight one feels most comfortable. Some will feel happier slimmer, some prefer curves. As I have aged I feel I look better a little bigger - my hair and skin are healthier if I eat more. But that's just my personal preference.

Delatron · 10/09/2026 09:23

mulberrymilk · 10/09/2026 02:18

It has little to do with any of that. The overweight category - bmi 25 -29.9 - becomes the healthy weight category for people over 65, for a myriad of reasons. For example: It is healthier to have nutritional reserves (in case of illness and also for loss of appetite which occurs for many older people), to have a little more fat padding to offset any falls, and to protect bones and also maintain bones with the extra circulating oestrogen in the fat cells. It is better for immune function, and for stimulating muscle mass, which is reduced by age.

Multiple studies have shown this.

This is true. My doctor flagged this up to me. Even though I’m only 50 - she did say my BMI of 20 is a little low going forward. I do have good muscle mass and eat enough though so I’m not too worried. But I wouldn’t go any slimmer.

Being skinny when you are 70 plus isn’t a good idea.

GoodGirlFaith · 10/09/2026 09:29

I agree with this, yes. Older women who are a bit rounder generally look healthier to me.

walrushurricane · 10/09/2026 09:31

I am in my 50s and at maybe a bit underweight and I don't think my face is gaunt. I always gave been very slim though. I do always try to gain weight though as I think underweight not healthy as you get older.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 10/09/2026 11:37

I don't think being overweight makes anyone look better. What op was describing was being significantly underweight when younger and now being the correct weight so unsurprisingly looks better for it.

BruFord · 10/09/2026 14:05

I was trying to think of an example of someone my age (early 50's) who's thin in the way the OP was describing, and Victoria Beckham springs to mind. I imagine she's on the lowest end of her recommended BMI. Personally, I think she'd look better with a little more weight on her, but she obviously prefers to be thinner.

LoserWinner · 10/09/2026 18:04

I’m 66 and now on the skinny side - bmi 20 - after losing 38kg some years ago. My gym routine is all about maintaining muscle mass and bone density now, and so far it works. I can lift plenty and a dexa scan showed no issues. I also take vitamin D between October and May, and get in plenty of calcium and adequate protein from a mostly raw food diet.

(Aside - I had to carry a 30kg bag for a couple of miles last night. It felt like hard work, so I kept telling myself that I had been carrying more than that UNDER my skin for years.)

Daisy54 · 11/09/2026 16:23

Depends on the person.

I have a large/full face naturally, so being very slim does not make me look haggard , despite being 10 years post menopausal.

Girlwithavibe · 11/09/2026 18:47

SwanUpmanship · 05/09/2026 22:39

If you are actually underweight this can increase the risk of osteoporosis when you are post menopause - but this is if you are underweight rather than being at the lower end of a healthy BMI.

Yes this is very true !
My dad's wife who has recently just passed away was underweight her while life she kept falling and breaking her bones the last bad fall she broke her pelvis and ended up bedbound with dementia it's awful was it worth being so slim !
I'm.slim but I'm healthy slim ! I look way better not having fat on me !
But I eat and always prioritise proteins veggies and clean eating

Flossybodsy · 11/09/2026 23:03

Daisy54 · 11/09/2026 16:23

Depends on the person.

I have a large/full face naturally, so being very slim does not make me look haggard , despite being 10 years post menopausal.

Yeah I have quite a rounded face at 64Kg so when I’m back down to my target weight of 60Kg it will just be slightly less full.

I was 54kg (8.5 stone) for a brief period in my late 20s which was on the lower end of the healthy BMI range, and my waist was tiny and I fit into a size 6 but even then my face just looked…not fat 😆 so thankfully looking gaunt isn’t likely for me as long as I am within a healthy BMI.

mondaytosunday · 12/09/2026 09:34

A friend (we are early 60s) has always been super fit and has a naturally fuller face but when we met up recently she was wearing a sleeveless dress and her arms just looked scrawny. I really think a bit of poundage would help but you can’t target where the weight goes on! If she gained a stone but it went on her waist that’s not going to help is it?

Flossybodsy · 12/09/2026 09:43

mondaytosunday · 12/09/2026 09:34

A friend (we are early 60s) has always been super fit and has a naturally fuller face but when we met up recently she was wearing a sleeveless dress and her arms just looked scrawny. I really think a bit of poundage would help but you can’t target where the weight goes on! If she gained a stone but it went on her waist that’s not going to help is it?

Yeah it might just be an age /genetics thing but protein and strength focused work outs can usually help.

Doesn’t even have to be lifting heavy weights- you can do body weight exercises with no machines or free weights. Or sometimes even exercises like swimming.

Not that I’ve ever had experience of tackling the problem of skinny arms myself - I have fairly toned/muscular but also slightly plump upper arms lol They will probably slim down when I lose the last few KG.

labamba007 · 12/09/2026 13:10

I have a very round face bit like a chipmunk so unfortunately for me thinner looks better!

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