Aibu to think as you get older being a bit fatter looks better?

Lololol ‘I didn’t have an ED but lived on coffee and cigs’

I’ve gone for ‘arse’ in the face vs arse dilemma. Maintaining my physique is just a matter of eating wisely and putting the hours in with strength training, whereas I cannot get a plumper-looking face without surgery (if I gain weight it all just piles onto my waist and belly).

The bonus of maintaining a shapely arse is that it is actually useful because strong glutes are really important if you want to stay active and avoid back pain. Changing my face wouldn’t really be of any use or benefit my health in any way.

I agree, I was really skinny in my teens and twenties (small frame, but also worked long shifts on my feet all day and was poor!) It meant I looked young because I still had the frame of a teenager, it definitely wasn't ageing. I waited for the day that I'd look like a grown up, somehow I just seemed to shift to looking old, and skipping the attractive while still youthful stage. It was very disappointing!

So true.

But yes everyone loses volume in their face as they get older. And bone. Joy!

Not when you’re in your 20s. I was skinny in my twenties without trying (I ate loads) but had quite a full face and looked young up until around 40.

From 40 onwards yes and now I’m 50 I have to be careful. It’s a fine balance but you definitely don’t want to be underweight at this age.

I don't understand how you think she didn't particularly have disordered eating. Everything you've written about her screams eating disorder imo.

When I was younger I was always disappointed about my lack of cheekbones, I wasn't blessed in the 'bone structure' department. On the plus side losing weight doesn't make my face look gaunt at all! It does all depend on the individual as to how you look at different sizes (unfortunately for me, if I add weight it all goes to my stomach so doesn't make me look particularly 'well' or youthful either!)

I think we tend to lose facial fat as we age, so weight loss can make the face look a bit gaunt/tired.

I can remember growing up people saying once you get to a certain age, you have to choose between your face or your bottom looking good.

Looking in the mirror, I'm losing both battles😂

I do have an eating disorder but I’m doing ok right now and even I can see I look a lot better. When I’m under 8’2, I get mistaken for a crack addict 😭 (relevant for my line of work).

Not particularly, I used to wear her old clothes when I was 15 and about 8 and a half stone (or in her words 'was absolutely huge'). The few photos that existed of her were of somebody who looked ordinary and, according to her, it wasn't as though she was five stone something like a 'proper slim person', she was 'just naturally little, I just can't eat loads like you, don't forget I'm only size 4 in shoes and my hands are tiny'.

What she did do to maintain her identity was avoid all fat - which included all full fat dairy, all oily fish, beef, lamb, dressings, sauces and if there was a way to water something down, she'd do it if she couldn't ensure it never entered the house in the first place. So it was the cutting out practically all sources of calcium and vitamin D with the intention of remaining the same size she was at 17 that knackered her bones in such a short time.

But at the time, you were recommended to have a low fat diet, so on paper, she appeared to eat fairly well with meals consisting of lean chicken or ham, boiled vegetables, lettuce, salad and the occasional slice of toast and potatoes on Sundays. It was a further flex (in her opinion) that we didn't have fruit either. Full of sugar, those things, and the bag of Tate and Lyle that turned into a solid lump over about a decade in the cupboard was proof of how virtuous she was.

She was always very eager to share her opinions about other women and children's sizes, though - and those opinions had a lot in common with modern narratives of 'gorging' and 'constantly eating' and 'people can't remember what children looked like 20 years ago'.

But your mum clearly had very disordered eating that impacted her health. That is no where near the same as being slim and healthy and eating a good balanced diet (which i assumed this thread was about).

Having osteoporosis (and previously osteomalacia and ostepenia) diagnosed by the age of 35 didn't protect my teeny tiny mother from diagnoses of diabetes, heart disease and cancer later in life. However, she'd already been in constant pain for decades by that point - and the delay caused whilst trying to get her potassium levels up high enough to resolve the cardiac arrhythmias meant the spinal surgery became a medical emergency.

Good on the Atkinson Morley for preventing her from becoming paraplegic, but she lost almost her entire adult life to pain, whereas had she actually eaten properly instead of making teeny tiny, I eat like a bird because I'm soooo tiny her entire identity, she might have had something resembling a life instead of one characterised by pain, painkiller dependence and then complaining that the diabetes medication made her fat.

ugh that sounds tough - are these “friends” aware that you are unwell?

Yes I have heard this a fair bit! It does
make sense.

My aunt put on a fair bit of weight in her 50s and become significantly overweight after having been a bit too tiny her whole life
, but then she lost the weight by her 60s and stayed at around 9.5 stone at 5ft 4. I am
guessing her weight I don’t actually know it but she looks like that!

At whatever weight she was, it was a slim slender and toned build but thankfully she never went back to being skinny in her old age.

She does a lot of yard work in her late 80s and was still walking to the job she loved in her 70s, so I believe is quite strong.

I’m 50 , slim all my life , then few years back lost quite a bit of weight so was sickly skinny, took 2 years to get back to myself .
I looked gaunt & much older than what I do now .
I always thought I was 5/4 , discovered few months back , after being measured I’m actually 5/5 & just over 9 stone , Yeeeeeh me !!!!! 😂 .
Also on hrt , lenzetto spray & I’ve great boobs 😂

@Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice "Did the studies show what the extra weight does to the risk of diabetes, cardiovascular disease and cancer?"
Those are lifestyle risks, which don't necessarily go hand in hand with carrying extra weight. Or, because some women use cigarettes to cut appetite, or don't eat nutritionally well/still drink, don't exercise, even though they are slim, they aren't immune to those diseases. A few years ago it was cyclists filling the diabetes clinics, because they were filling up on potatoes. The studies were done from consultant specialists and too everything into account. The first section of what constitutes overweight, combined with a good lifestyle, is the best for aging, going to elderly women. There's more thin women getting DNRs put on them because their bones wouldn't recover from CPR, then weighter women. We need beans, chickpeas and lentils for heart health.

Yes, trying to concentrate on strength training now. My mum is very frail and old for her years, she never did any kind of strength training and I want to avoid the same fate.

I'm very underweight with a bmi of 16 (due to illness, no ED), I look awful. I know i look far better when I have a healthy bmi.
Two 'friends' even called DH to say they were concerned about me, like I don't have a mirror.

I think its very possible she has an ED, but completely unreasonable and untrue to say she looks dreadful

Face or figure as the saying goes. Look at how dreadful POW Catherine looks being so underweight. The only times she has looked well in recent years are when pregnant. I know she has battled cancer in recent years but she was stick thin before that. I personally think she has an eating disorder but you will all jump on here saying she is just sporty, naturally slim, her Mum is slim etc... She isn't slim she is thin. Big difference.

Er, Its not quite as clear cut as - if you stay slim you'll die.

Yeah..I am aware of this. I didn’t say anything like what you suggested.

I was referring to the issue of people - mainly older women - desperately trying to stay as skinny as possible, often to try maintain the weight of their youth. Even when said weight is bordering on or is underweight (like OPs previous weight).

Hence my use of the word “tiny” and not just slim.

You don't have to choose one, you know. You can take steps to reduce your risk of all of them.

Staying fat is not the only way, or indeed the recommended way, to prevent osteoporosis.

I think there's a big difference between people who diet to stay slim and those who are naturally slim due to lifestyle/genetics.

Ditto if you've been overweight and have lost weight. Ironically that can make you look terrible.

The people I know who are naturally slim because of lifestyle and genetics look better than those who consistently diet to stay the same weight. The naturally slim people also look younger and fitter. Probably because they are fitter.

How good you look as you age is also to do with attitude, how you dress and your health though imo.