AIBU to ask for help re DD who has gone away for weekend when she should have been working

"Person supposed to be getting the flight missed it. So you can repay their costs in addition to the £120 you've stolen"

You could tell her firmly that you are getting all kinds of grief from the person/s she was supposed to take to the airport....even if you are not. She has to learn that in life she cant let people down like that and she must return the money. Trust issue. Adults dont behave like that.

At least you know to never pay her in advance for anything again, or lend her money. What a rude and cheeky mare!!

Whose car was she using?

So if you paid her Op is that because it was you she was supposed to take or she was taking someone as a favour for you?

Well she can't be trusted to do any jobs in future. And she owes you the money.
She can pay it back in instalments but get it in writing. And if she doesn't then it comes out of birthday and Xmas gifts.

I was wondering that to!

Whatever.

Is she going to uni in a couple of weeks?

If she's an adult she can pay for that all by herself.

Oh you forgot to transfer money into her account as you had better adult things to spend your money on and exercise your free will.

You sound like you're having a toddler tantrum.

If my 18yr did this, I would talk to them first. I would understand what happened, and then apply consequences. I wouldn't treat them like a child and start removing posessions.

If they continued to insist that they hadn't done anything wrong/were an adult/refused to pay the money back etc then of course there would be consequences - yes, including removing the car if appropriate - but so many of these responses are childish and knee jerky.

And how far away is it? Two hours/100 miles it sounds like a crazy amount of money without the full context

Has she always been a selfish madam?

I would learn the lesson and not pay her in advance again, and tell her why.

I find it incredible that anyone would actually agree to take someone to the airport and then just go away, and that is even if she had agreed to do it as a favour, let alone for (a generous amount of) money.

The adult comment is really hilarious. I would be reminding her that adults have adult responsibilities as well as adult privileges and that she needs to choose whether she is ready to accept this.

Not sure about consequences but certainly get the money back and she gets no more handouts for quite some time. Maybe offer to give her a lift and at the last minute tell her you have changed your mind as you are an ‘adult with free will’…

It’s frustrating when they do this sort of thing. Taking her things and selling them (though tempting!) would be more wrong (actually theft, where as her behaviour would be a civil matter, legally, unless it was her intention all along).

I think the adult responsibility approach is more reasonable. Does she pay board? Do you pay for her phone or anything? Provide lifts? Since this is out of character I wouldn’t come down too harshly or read the riot act as could completely screw up an otherwise good relationship but instead frame it as: We hear you. You’re an adult and autonomy is important to you. So let’s set things up on a more adult basis…

That is a really shitty thing to do. @NCforobviousreasons1 will you be home when she gets home, or was the airport transfer so you could go on holiday?

I think some form of natural consequence is definitely in order, in that she won’t be given any benefit of any doubt in future, no loans to tide her over until she gets her wages, and never any money paid against future work.

But I would also want her to get a shock, even more so if her response doesn’t improve and include some genuine contrition on Monday, so I might do something quite shocking in return, like selling her car (assuming you paid for it) or some other possession she values highly that she has as a result of your generosity. Charging rent would only work if she has a job and can pay, but selling something you technically own that she sees as hers, uses, and values might work.

If my dd this, she wouldn’t hear the end of it until the money was repaid. That said, she knows I’d take a hard line and for this reason, wouldn’t behave like this.

I'm sorry, but I may die of frustration if I don't find out if the person who was supposed to be driven to the airport by the feckless daughter actually got there!

I had to organise a transfer for myself to Glasgow Airport and it cost me £150 each way. (The timing of the flight and the need to wrestle a suitcase meant that a bus wasn't an option.)

Yes, take her stuff. And remove it BEFORE she gets home. The deal can be if she pays you back immediately you won't sell her stuff. If she can't, tough. Bye bye designer bag / gold earrings / road tax on her car (you'll get a refund for October onwards) / laptop or tablet.

That is such an awful thing to do. Has she no conscience at all. Id be furious and so disappointed.

Not the car.

Just tell her the car is gone.

Watch the toddler tantrum. And then ask if she's really a bloody adult or a dependent who is taking the piss out of her parents.

I suppose it’s a wake up call to you that she’s so entitled and how that’s happened and what you want to do about it. I’d sit down with her when she gets home and talk about what’s going to happen next. I’d be absolutely incandescent though.

Cos "Adult with free will" Bratish behaviour which is essentially fraud.

I want to know who paid for this adult's car and who paid for her insurance.

If it's the parents, and the car is registered to them or they've paid the the insurance, that's because getting sold/cancelled so she can learn what adult actually means...

...being responsible for your own shit.

Can I ask as well- who was she taking to the airport? If it was a friend or distant relative then maybe a charge is ok, but if it was you, or another close relative, surely she should have been doing it for free/
for petrol money in the first place?

I personally can’t believe how many pay their teens to do just basic family stuff, like looking after siblings, washing, etc. And don’t get me started on pay per exam result.

Perhaps the first issue is her expecting to be paid in the first place?

If she's going to use 'I'm an adult', then she can start paying rent at the going rate.