AIBU to ask for help re DD who has gone away for weekend when she should have been working

Yes, I tried to point this out yesterday - that maybe communication before changing the locks or selling posessions would be constructive.
And I was called wet and that I was raising thieves and liars.
I don't understand it at all.

People just riling people up to possibly unnecessary drama so that they can live vicariously through it. Like a choose your own adventure soap opera

As an adult with free will l would tell her she profoundly apologises and gives the money back or she has a month to move out,her choice.

I agree, it’s an odd feature of mumsnet that a lot of posters love dishing out advice about how to punish people, and it’s always childish and petty, if you actually behaved like that it would totally destroy your relationship with your child/teen/adult child.

In real life the advice Ponoka7 is best, talk to your daughter and find out what’s going on, tell her that your are disappointed she did this, and ask her how she can make it right , as grown ups you can both have a grown up conversation!

Has she turned her phone back on? Have you found someone else to paint your nails? When does she return? How long she going to be grounded for?

Yes exactly. I would exercise my free will as an adult and stop doing things for her and stop funding her lifestyle.
DD needs to learn that free will comes with responsibilities.

This crossed my mind reading the OP too

I have no doubt she’s spent the £120 on her weekend away with friends. Which is typical teenage behaviour of living in the moment and facing the consequences later.
OP doesn’t mention a job so she may have no way of paying them back apart from reducing her future privileges or allowance. Cue more frustration. She’s in a tight place.
When she returns I’d ask HER how she intends to make up for this breach of trust. Her answer will set the tone.

No other real problems with her, generally good (but bad with money and entitled)

She sounds far from good. Try as I might, I cannot imagine my dd pulling a stunt like this. She clearly doesn't give a fuck about what this has caused.

You have bigger issues than being down £120

I would be apoplectic at this and simmering with rage at her then turning her phone off. She has obviously never had to suffer real consequences in her life.

And actually she’s old enough to be working - if she does that in the workplace, her manager wouldn’t be ‘disappointed’ and back off. She would face proper consequences potentially.

Kindly OP, have you allowed her to get away with being entitled and irresponsible ?

If she’s going to behave like a child I think it’s fair to confiscate some of her things.

She is presumably earning enough money to move out, given she claims to be an adult with free will. Otherwise she’s an adult dependent on her mother to provide a roof over her head so her choices aren’t as free as she thinks.

my view is to go down the adult responsibilities route or sell some of her items of my choosing to repay it.

that will not achieve anything but more entitlement, "you sold my stuff" all you are ding is creating drama for her and the entitled love chaos and drama

best of ignoring and literally backing off from doing absolutely anything for her, she has turned off her phone as she knows she is in the wrong.

Disappointment and backing off will teach her far more about how life will go if she behaves like this

imagine you had a friend that did this, you'd have it out with them, text them and tell them they are way out of order and need to repay the money - you'd have it out with them and then back off. You'd not be inviting them to dinner or doing their chores

adult with free will

do you still cook and and do her Landry? does she work or is she in education?

I think she may go hungry and dirty for a while as those adults caring for her may also find some free will is lodged in their throats and unable to function

Lesson learnt. In future pay her after she's done the job.

The kid being a 19 yo woman who is acting like a 10 yo.

But not quite as much as when someone else’s DH fucks up.

Yep this.

Tell her if she wants to be treated like an adult you will. No paying for anything for her. Take away her access to wifi and everything until the money she STOLE from you is repaid.

Mumsnet loves it when someone else's kid fucks up.

I think being paid that much for giving a lift to the airport but pissing off for the weekend instead isn’t ‘cheeky’ - jts taking the piss. Why is the bar set so low?

19 is an adult - it might have been ‘hard’ to turn it down but, having been paid, the adult reaction would be to either suck it up or return the money and try to help to arrange an alternative for the relative.

The fact she got arsey about it and turned her phone off shows she’s very immature, despite her assertion that she isn’t.

You would get some ten year olds more mature than this. She may say she is 19 etc but in emotional or behaviour years she is not.

Which is all I would say to her. Nothing else. Leave it at that. If she expects handwringing she won’t get it. If she expects attention via lectures, she will not get it.
What she might realise is that her behaviour dictates how others see her.

Exactly my first reaction

I agree with this. I think you’re under-reacting and your comments about her becoming entitled and stating she’s ‘an adult with free will’ point to a really unpleasant attitude.

The sooner she learns that actions have consequences, the better. You’re giving her a valuable life lesson. If she doesn’t see the harm in this and tries it with someone else they could easily call the police (or worse).

That's quite cheeky and I would be very annoyed too. But if she got the chance of a weekend away it would be hard for a young person to turn down. Did she discuss it with you and you said no?