AIBU to ask for help re DD who has gone away for weekend when she should have been working

I would be livid. That's a lot of money. If DS ever did that he would really lose my trust - but he wouldn't do it. I don't know many people who would. Your DD sounds awful

Ask for a chargeback from the bank being as it was fraud. Unless it was cash, obviously.

Sounds like she conned you out of the money. She's untrustworthy. I'd get the money refunded and wouldn't trust her. She's shown you who she is.

But you must know that you only pay people after jobs have been done to your satisfaction?
Does not matter if it is a plumber or your daughter.

Sorry meant to quote your "purple, rocking mother" 😂😂 been there.

My exact approach would depend on if she is still in education.
If she is not, I would change the WiFi password and have a family meeting upon her return where you lay out the new policies for living in the house in writing. She gets WiFi when she pays her rent and does her share of the household chores.

if she is, then I would still set out rules, but it’s harder to cut off access to resources because she needs them for school.

Your generally "good" dd is a little thief. I would not be impressed with this, at all.
Did, whoever, make their flight?

She was paid to take someone to the airport and didn't do it!!!!

£120!!!

Too right you're beginning a thread on MN. I wouldn't know where to begin. (Although my Dd would be too scared to come home. She would come home to a purple rocking mother, who would explode when looked at.)

Yeah this is unacceptable. She definitely needs to pay it back. Does she have her own car, if not revoke driving access of yours until it’s paid back.

Well she's effectively stolen from you. I wouldn't trust her to do something like that again and I would recoup the money however you can. Plus a massive lecture about what an adult relationship looks like between parent and child and being a trustworthy person. Is she about to start Uni or already working or still at college?

Im a bit evil but I would tell her the person she stole from is considering police/ small claims court even if they’re not, and that as she’s an adult she’ll need to pay her own legal fees 😊

So how did the person get to the airport? Who was inconvenienced for that?

I think I’d ignore her for the weekend and then have a talk when she gets back. Now she’s an adult she needs to be paying her way (either with money or chores?) to stay in your house and she absolutely needs to return the £120 or make it up to you in some way.

And don’t ever pay her in advance of a job again!

I know this isn’t the point, but did/will the person get their flight?

I would make absolutely clear that she has stolen the money, and she would not be getting a penny from me, including paying for phones etc until she has repayed it.

I would want cash in my hand too, no working the debt off of setting against Christmas or birthday money (a though she also wouldn’t be getting either of those until I was paid back!)

You paid her £120 to take someone to the airport (and in advance, too)?
How far is the airport?

I wouldn’t escalate this purely for your own benefit but I wouldn’t pay in advance again.
Also agree with agreeing a payment plan or telling her it’s coming out of Christmas gift budget.

She hasn't behaved like an adult though.
She sounds bratty and spoilt rotten as an overindulged 9 year old.

She's effectively taken/ stolen this money.
And then has the brass neck to turn her phone off.
I'd be right in her room looking for something to sell. I'd remove it and inform her it's going on Vinted in 48 hours unless she coughs up.

If her parents let her get away with pulling stunts like this they're doing her a disservice.

Well, this hasn’t come out of the blue. My dd is a teen though not old enough for me to chuck her out for acting like a twat. If I asked her to do something and said I’d pay her to do it, she’d get it done (with some grumbling probably).

She absolutely knows that taking the money and running off would not fly. It’s not the sort of behaviour we would tolerate from her. So something has gone wrong somewhere, which you obviously know.

There is an approach called make the right thing easy and the wrong thing hard. If I knew she was entitled and bad with money, I would have made it hard for her to not do the job by not paying her til it was done.

What do you do now? I’d be expecting the money paid back to me. There would be no more financial help for the forseeable future and I’d expect her to be working and possibly looking for somewhere to live independently in the near future if she isn’t in uni.

Sounds fair. As an adult, I expect my actions have consequences.

Next time she gets paid after the job.

remove all goodwill support for a bit (lifts etc)

Or rather than think of an adult woman as a 'entitled madam' treat her like an adult. You can't remove someone's possessions. Plus, it really isn't how you conduct relationships with other adults.

I would bamboozle her by going quiet if you are normally vocal so she stews on it and then would ask her how she is going to make this right? Ask her how this would work if it was a formal job?

Tell her that she has disrespected and disappointed you. She has lost your trust.

And don't pay anyone advance again! Ever!