AIBU to ask for help re DD who has gone away for weekend when she should have been working

Who pays for her phone?

Tell her she owes you £120, don't give her any more money and don't cook, clean etc for her, you're an adult with free will too.

The only people I’ve known do something like this have been addicts… hope that isn’t a possibility?

What do you plan to do?

Why was she paid before the job was completed? Any workplace always pays you after you e been at work!!

Internet password changed.

car key taken off her.

nothing reinstated until the money is replaced both the 120 you paid her and whatever the money the person presumably paid in a cab .

she is totally out of order and needs to learn the consequences of her actions.

She’s 19 not 9 - time to learn some responsibility .

Start showing her that you too are an adult with free will. Don’t wash her clothes or bedding or cook for her. I’m sure there’s lots of things you do/buy that she has no awareness of

Could you both be out when she comes home?

It would be the last job I paid her to do.
I'd have a frank conversation when she returns about how she will either pay the money back, or work it off.
If she still loves at home, maybe that needs to be looked at too.

I agree there should be consequences but my point was that OP should at least talk to her first before changing the locks/selling posessions/whatever other unhinged suggestions have been made

I could see myself doing this at that age BUT I would have repaid the money. I was a selfish teenager but no way would I have tried to keep the money too, I think that shows a complete lack of respect.

How did the person get to the airport? Presumably it buggered up their plans, or at least caused inconvenience and worry. So how can your daughter say the job can be done another time? It really can't, can it. I think you'd better explain to her what being an adult actually looks like.

I would sit her down and say she's an adult now, and what does she think happens to adults who steal? Tell her you could call the police and she would be charged with a crime. Ask her what she proposes to do to remedy the situation. How will she return the money? How will she rebuild your trust? If she just behaves scornfully and tries to brush it off I would give her three options: sell some items to pay the money back, get a job and provide all income to you until the money is paid back, or you call the police. And I would do it too. That's how you teach consequences. In reality the police would do little anyway. But hopefully she realises the seriousness of it and pays it back without you having to take more drastic action.

Many daft posters immediately after this! Horrendous parenting

Come on this is completely wet! She wouldn’t even be out of pocket- she would just have to pay the money back that she was never entitled to in the first place. This is a pretty big deal- the daughter seems arrogant, selfish, deceitful and entitled. Explanation or not she does need a consequence, otherwise she’ll keep behaving like this and at best never hold down a job/ relationship, at worst end up in prison!

I agree I wouldn’t lock her out or sell stuff but I think there has to be a proper consequence for such absolute disrespect- above paying the parents their own money back!

I forgot to ask… is there a boy involved? It’s usually always about the bf at this age 🙄

It’s not new behaviour she had a better offer and chosen it.

@NCforobviousreasons1 disappointing, is of course, an understatement, not necessarily a hill to die on but a lesson for you and your husband.

It's encouraging that "she’s started getting more “I’m an adult now”, she wants more responsibility, ok, therefore she must now realise that, as an adult, actions have consequences.

From October, as an adult, she now has to pay rent, amount determined by you and your husband. Could that be a way forward?

£120 for an airport drop??? How far away is it?
I’d be bloody livid!

If the person going to the airport then had to pay for a cab then the cost of this stunt has risen.

I’d give her absolute hell when she gets back and ensure that somehow she makes amends. Don’t ’let her off’ after a couple of weeks when you’re a bit less angry. She really needs to learn from this. It’s theft.

I would actually consider doing that, to give her a bloody good fright. A Yale barrel costs less than £20, and given the little madam has just stolen £120 from you that's pretty cheap.

And when she has to knock on the door, I'd hold her at the doorstep for a chat about yourself being an adult with free will and that's how you chose to exercise it. Protestations about it being her home too could then be directed into a discussion about interdependence between members of a household and shouldering adult responsibilities.

I'd make her sweat. This is a pretty damned bad thing she's just done, and it really needs to be stamped on HARD.

She obviously should not have been paid until the job was done. That's a lot, is it very far? I'd say change locks. Can have a key when money returned in full. That would be the fo phase of her fafo lesson.

This is very worrying. It’s not even as though she knew that the job could be done another time. Did she not worry that the person might not get their flight and would miss their holiday/ trip? And I assume she knew it would be a massive pain at the very least.

This level of complete selfishness and deceit is not at all normal in a 19 yr old. If she did it to someone she was working for they would sue her, sack her or report her to the police for theft.

Personally I would be very tempted to take stuff she likes to the tune of the money she owes and lock it/ store it away until she pays you back. I also wouldn’t be giving her any lifts/ paying for car insurance as she is an adult so she can do it herself.

Also honestly I would be asking her to move out before Christmas if this is how she intends to behave- she’s broken your trust. There’s another thread at the moment about a terrible experience someone’s had with a daughter lying to her parents and having a house party whilst her mum was away and the whole house got trashed and then they got burgled- who’s to say that your DD wouldn’t do that sort of thing as well (maybe it’s her “free will” to have a party and trash the place too?). If you can’t trust her she needs to find her own place surely?

Good lord, the number of people who are happy to burn the relationship with their daughter to the ground. "Selling posessions on ebay" - come on. Why would you escalate this?
Behave like an adult, treat her like an adult. Firstly, this sounds like this is out of character - I'd explore that first. And then tell her that she needs to repay the money and that she's let you, and presumably whoever she was supposed to take to the airport, down.