AIBU to lock the bathroom door despite my husband's objection?

To add, this married couple has been together 20+ years. We don't have a lock on our bathroom door because our house is falling apart and there's a hole where it used to be BUT neither of us has ever denied the other privacy for going to the toilet and even if we're desperate for the loo and the other person is in the shower we hold on until they're out because everyone deserves privacy showering and going to the toilet. We have also never blamed the other person for not having sex with us and have never gone in a huff because we've been turned down. That's coercive control.

I echo everything everyone else had said as well as a few gentle questions for you to reflect on:

Are there other things you DH expects to be a certain way and does he scream at you if they aren't?

Are there other examples where he doesn't tell something he expects until it's too late and then blames you for not being a mind reader?

If I used the phrase 'walking on eggshells' would that be how you feel sometimes, often or always with your DH?

Does he blame you for his behaviour?

Do you think everyone has the right to lock the door to the bathroom whenever they want to just because they want to?

Do you feel the need to have a 'safe space' from your DH?

Would you consider getting in touch with a domestic abuse organisation to talk through your experiences to help you come to terms with what you've been expected to put up with from your DH?

I wish you all the best in processing what you've been through and I hope you get the support you need.

Me reacting in my head what tf I would say to my DH if he forbid me from locking the bathroom door. As above…LTB…imagine instead of supporting your partner you make them feel like it’s their fault for having PTSD, whilst gaslighting you also ensure that you are also a cause of the PTSD for good measure. Please get support from other sources and end this asap.

OP surely you realise this is serious domestic abuse? Being denied privacy is control and coerce 101. Never mind that he gives no fucks about your mental health, is screaming at you and demanding sex.

He doesn't like you
He wants to control you
It will get worse

There is no point me typing the words 'you need to leave' out as 100 posters have already done that. Please call Women's Aid tomorrow. First thing. Tell them what you've told us and they will tell you exactly what to do.

Locking the door when you use the loo is pretty standard - at least for me and DH. I hope you are ok OP

Of course you may lock the door. To me it would unthinkable to be told not to. That is incredible. Being married does not mean having no right to privacy.

OP, is there someone you can go stay with?

You don't sound emotionally safe with your DH.

He’s an abusive cunt. Leave him

Wow, well done, congrats. How is this even helpful on this thread. If it works for you then that’s great but everyone is entitled to privacy!!! Sending you strength OP

I’ve been with my husband for 50 years but shitting in front of him (or even peeing) is a rubicon I’m not prepared to cross. He needs to respect your boundaries even if no one else has them (they do).

This is a relationship you need to escape from - there is nothing I can think of that would make this ok. If you have been diagnosed with ptsd I assume you are having therapy - explain everything to them and get them to help you understand your relationship and the damage it may be doing.

Have you ever considered that this controlling arse hole might be the reason why you're feeling so mentally fragile?

Everyone needs privacy.

I doubt you really need another voice saying this is horrifying, but I will anyway in case it helps give you perspective on this. You are talking about this as if it’s run of the mill unreasonable DH behaviour and it’s absolutely not.

He coerced you into agreeing to lock the door despite you wishing for some privacy in the toilet (completely reasonable), and then is verbally abusing you and being intimidating when you can’t comply with his bullshit rule you never wanted. He is not a good man.

Make plans to leave asap. His behaviour is completely unacceptable. Everyone deserves the right to privacy in the bathroom if they want it. xx

This sounds like my ex who used to set me ‘tests’ to see whether I would keep my word on things. Stupid things like making me promise to ALWAYS wash your my cup straight after use, so that if I ever left just one item in the sink he would kick off at how lazy I was and how I had problem my promise to him so now my word meant nothing and he couldn’t trust me. He was very very controlling. I eventually left and have never looked back. I had serious ptsd after that relationship . I recommend you do the same OP for sake of your mental health. Your future self will thankyou. His behaviour is not normal. Or healthy. Or respectful.

So he also has an expectation that you will have sex before football. And has to open a closed toilet door? Just utterly gross and controlling @gimmeshelta this is red flag after red flag. It’s him, not you.

Nothinh the op has said points to this.
He may be a rigid thinker ...mostky tho he sounds like a dick. And a controlling one at that.

He's an abusive piece of work. Leave as soon as you can, as safely as you can and never look back - he won't change his ways, if anything he'll just get work.

Particularly nasty as he knows you have PTSD.

Goodness I wonder why you're traumatised and have trouble regulating. Get this bastard out of your life.

He is an absolute dick.

OP, your husband is not a good man. His behaviour is incredibly controlling and abusive

Nothing about what you’ve said regarding the door and the sex is ok. He’s abusive and controlling.

@gimmeshelta lovely this is not ok and abusive. It is controlling. My DH gets stage fright unless the door is locked and I wouldn’t dream of demanding it unlocked. He doesn’t treat ti make you feel vulnerable and wants you to not have a safe space

WTAF have I just read.

You are a grown woman, whose husband is demanding you leave the bathroom door OPEN as in OPEN not unlocked? At all times?

JFC.

I suspect, he is the cause of your poor mental health.

This man needs to go. Awful behaviour.

I would 100% leave this man.