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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to lock the bathroom door despite my husband's objection?

462 replies

gimmeshelta · 05/09/2026 15:18

DH is currently screaming at me because I went back on my word that I wouldn’t lock the bathroom door.

I’ve been under a lot of stress recently and have a diagnosis of ptsd. I need to find safe spaces when I’m triggered by something. It used to be in my car but I’ve sold it because we’re struggling financially. I broke down to my DH on Wednesday evening and said I was really struggling. DH hasn’t been the most supportive and has said my mental health issues are due to me not being proactive enough - despite the fact I hold down a household, a full time job and exercise to help myself.

Anyway, he’s always had an issue with me locking the bathroom door. He said married couples don’t need privacy when showering or on the toilet and has been suspicious of what I’m doing in there. I mentioned that I find it a safe space to cry and regulate myself (usually after a shower).

After a lengthy conversation he made me promise not to lock the bathroom door. There are no safety concerns about me locking the door - I don’t and have never self harmed, I’m not suicidal etc. I just like privacy. He told me he’d be angry if I locked the door again. So I just agreed not to.

Today I got a shower and forgot about the not locking the door rule. He was out but came back when I was getting out.

He screamed at me, said I’m not a “man of my word” and that I lied to him. I told him it was an automatic action and I’d just forgot. I asked why it was so important it was unlocked - was he worried about me etc? He said no, I asked you to do something, you agreed and then didn’t do it. I said I didn’t want to shower with an open door and he said this was weird

I’ve asked why it’s so important to him but he keeps screaming “you’re not even sorry”

Aibu?

OP posts:
SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 05/09/2026 15:37

This is abusive. Please get away from him. I am sure your PTSD symptoms would improve.

thestudio · 05/09/2026 15:37

Your husband is a bad man.

You'll feel much better if you leave him.

caringcarer · 05/09/2026 15:36

If you have mh issues I bet they improve if you got away from your controlling dickhead of a h.

UnctuousUnicorns · 05/09/2026 15:36

Marriage does not convey ownership. You have a right to bodily autonomy no matter how long you've been married, and you, and you alone, have the right to decide if and when your husband sees you undressed or in similar private or intimate times. Anybody who doesn't respect that does not love you. Your husband is a nasty, abusive, controlling creep and the best thing you could do for yourself is to start making plans to free yourself of him.

wiredandtired · 05/09/2026 15:35

Me and DH both lock the bathroom door. It's not even a thing that we've ever discussed. Your husband is controlling.

ToCatchACat · 05/09/2026 15:35

@gimmeshelta The proactive thing you need to do is leave him. I think your mental health problems will improve significantly when you aren't being screamed at and controlled.

OneSparklyGoat · 05/09/2026 15:35

This is controlling. Don’t apologize for locking the door. “Married couples don’t …” isn’t true and doesn’t matter. You being comfortable is what matters.

Is he controlling in other ways?

Is your stress because of him?

rainbowsparkle28 · 05/09/2026 15:33

Erm, leave 🚩 He sounds like an utter POS not just in relation to this incident which by the way you had every right to want your own privacy. You deserve so much more.

Loulou4022 · 05/09/2026 15:31

What the absolute fuck?!?! If you want to lock the bathroom door lock the bloody bathroom door and while you’re at it kick him out! What an absolute arseshole!

Fleaz · 05/09/2026 15:31

gimmeshelta · 05/09/2026 15:18

DH is currently screaming at me because I went back on my word that I wouldn’t lock the bathroom door.

I’ve been under a lot of stress recently and have a diagnosis of ptsd. I need to find safe spaces when I’m triggered by something. It used to be in my car but I’ve sold it because we’re struggling financially. I broke down to my DH on Wednesday evening and said I was really struggling. DH hasn’t been the most supportive and has said my mental health issues are due to me not being proactive enough - despite the fact I hold down a household, a full time job and exercise to help myself.

Anyway, he’s always had an issue with me locking the bathroom door. He said married couples don’t need privacy when showering or on the toilet and has been suspicious of what I’m doing in there. I mentioned that I find it a safe space to cry and regulate myself (usually after a shower).

After a lengthy conversation he made me promise not to lock the bathroom door. There are no safety concerns about me locking the door - I don’t and have never self harmed, I’m not suicidal etc. I just like privacy. He told me he’d be angry if I locked the door again. So I just agreed not to.

Today I got a shower and forgot about the not locking the door rule. He was out but came back when I was getting out.

He screamed at me, said I’m not a “man of my word” and that I lied to him. I told him it was an automatic action and I’d just forgot. I asked why it was so important it was unlocked - was he worried about me etc? He said no, I asked you to do something, you agreed and then didn’t do it. I said I didn’t want to shower with an open door and he said this was weird

I’ve asked why it’s so important to him but he keeps screaming “you’re not even sorry”

Aibu?

WTAF? I only read about half of this. He's abusive. Leave. Now. Everything about his behaviour is a huge red flag.

married couples don’t need privacy when showering or on the toilet and has been suspicious of what I’m doing in there

I can't even...

AnnieDoodling · 05/09/2026 15:31

That is appalling! Please, find somewhere safe to stay, because this is no way to live.

ilovelamp82 · 05/09/2026 15:30

This is horrifically abusive. No wonder you want a safe place away from him. Is there someone in real life you can talk to about this. This is seriously not ok and I'm worried about your safety. Beyond that, he has literally told you, he doesn't care about you, your feelings or your mental health only that you disobeyed his rules. He doesn't get to set you rules. You are not his child, you are not his possession. Please go and see your family and tell them what he's like. Don't cover for him, tell them everything, let them help you.

LarryForPrimeMinister · 05/09/2026 15:30

No wonder your depressed.

maggisimpson · 05/09/2026 15:30

Your mental health would probably improve once you're out of this relationship.

Unsexypyjamas · 05/09/2026 15:29

I also think you are in an abusive relationship. I'm really sorry this has happened to you

gimmeshelta · 05/09/2026 15:29

I categorically have never and will never self harm. Hes not concerned about this. In fact, he’d told me he’d leave me if I did this

OP posts:
MyNameIsTina · 05/09/2026 15:29

Fucking hell, you just automatically lock the bathroom door - it's ingrained and totally NORMAL to want privacy and you don't need to justify it at all! Sorry you've got a horrid husband.

GrottBaggs · 05/09/2026 15:29

MsSquiz · 05/09/2026 15:27

You’re a grown adult who can lock any door you like! I’m honestly baffled that this man thinks you shouldn’t lock a bathroom door for privacy! Why the hell is he suspicious of what you’re doing in the bathroom?!

I agree with a PP, get rid of this man and I think your mental health will improve enormously!

Agreed. He is abusive. This is not normal , at all.

mathanxiety · 05/09/2026 15:28

My dear, no wonder you have ptsd.

Please call.Women's Aid 0808 2000 247.
Leave a message, good time to call you back, and number.

Tell them everything about the way your husband treats you.

Of course people who are married can (and do!) lock the bathroom door. If they don't, it is by mutual consent, not because one person has forced the other to swear they'll leave it unlocked.

Your husband is abusing you. The fact that you're doubting yourself indicates he has been contolling and coercing you for so long that you no longer understand what's normal and what's not.

If you're still in the bathroom and you fear what may happen when you unlock the door, please call the police.

MsSquiz · 05/09/2026 15:27

You’re a grown adult who can lock any door you like! I’m honestly baffled that this man thinks you shouldn’t lock a bathroom door for privacy! Why the hell is he suspicious of what you’re doing in the bathroom?!

I agree with a PP, get rid of this man and I think your mental health will improve enormously!

JHound · 05/09/2026 15:27

Your husband sounds abusive. I always lock the bathroom even around partners. I don’t want people using the bathroom while I am in it. Him screaming and insisting that you have no right to privacy is disturbing.

sillyrubberduck · 05/09/2026 15:27

Very abusive and controlling . You have every right to lock the door. I do, my DH does. It is normal. He’s very out of order .

CherryBlossom321 · 05/09/2026 15:26

You are being abused. Please start to making plans for the benefit of your own protection and safety.

AnneElliott · 05/09/2026 15:26

He’s a twat. I lock the door even if I’m alone in the house! And so what. Get rid op.

PPAPPINE · 05/09/2026 15:25

This is abusive.