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AIBU?

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AIBU to lock the bathroom door despite my husband's objection?

462 replies

gimmeshelta · 05/09/2026 15:18

DH is currently screaming at me because I went back on my word that I wouldn’t lock the bathroom door.

I’ve been under a lot of stress recently and have a diagnosis of ptsd. I need to find safe spaces when I’m triggered by something. It used to be in my car but I’ve sold it because we’re struggling financially. I broke down to my DH on Wednesday evening and said I was really struggling. DH hasn’t been the most supportive and has said my mental health issues are due to me not being proactive enough - despite the fact I hold down a household, a full time job and exercise to help myself.

Anyway, he’s always had an issue with me locking the bathroom door. He said married couples don’t need privacy when showering or on the toilet and has been suspicious of what I’m doing in there. I mentioned that I find it a safe space to cry and regulate myself (usually after a shower).

After a lengthy conversation he made me promise not to lock the bathroom door. There are no safety concerns about me locking the door - I don’t and have never self harmed, I’m not suicidal etc. I just like privacy. He told me he’d be angry if I locked the door again. So I just agreed not to.

Today I got a shower and forgot about the not locking the door rule. He was out but came back when I was getting out.

He screamed at me, said I’m not a “man of my word” and that I lied to him. I told him it was an automatic action and I’d just forgot. I asked why it was so important it was unlocked - was he worried about me etc? He said no, I asked you to do something, you agreed and then didn’t do it. I said I didn’t want to shower with an open door and he said this was weird

I’ve asked why it’s so important to him but he keeps screaming “you’re not even sorry”

Aibu?

OP posts:
Summeriscumin · 05/09/2026 16:24

Please leave this horrible man.

Neveranynamesleft · 05/09/2026 16:24

You are an adult, if you want to lock the door then lock the door. He is controlling, do yourself the biggest favour of your life and get away from him.

Anyahyacinth · 05/09/2026 16:23

gimmeshelta · 05/09/2026 15:29

I categorically have never and will never self harm. Hes not concerned about this. In fact, he’d told me he’d leave me if I did this

He is absolutely ghastly OP. The very definition of insecurity in a person.

You are being abused by someone deeply inadequate

OooPourUsACupLove · 05/09/2026 16:23

gimmeshelta · 05/09/2026 15:48

I’m a woman for those asking.

His issue is that I agreed not to lock the bathroom door and then did. He said I should have told him then and there that I would not be locking the door. Because now I’ve betrayed his trust.

I just tried to ask him why he wants the door unlocked - are you concerned what I’m doing? Want to support me? Feel like I’m making myself feel worse? His response “because I asked you to”

This is an abuser's game. It's not about the bathroom. If it wasn't that it would be something else.

He sets you up to fail, then uses your failure as "proof" of some flaw of character he will use against you in future arguments to devalue or dismiss whatever you are trying to get him to understand.

Know this. You will never find a way of explaining yourself so he understands because he already understands, he just doesn't give a shit. He'll always find reasons to deny and dismiss and devalue your needs. He will always twist anything you say or do to show you you are unreasonable and need to defer to what he wants instead.

You aren't. It's not you. It's him. He's broken. He wants you to feel bad. It makes him feel good.

JulietOscarBoring · 05/09/2026 16:23

How is he generally in the relationship because from this one example it sounds like he doesn’t want you to have boundaries and doesn’t care about how you feel. Screaming at someone is never ok.

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 05/09/2026 16:22

I rarely say this (pretty much never).

But you need to leave your husband. I don’t suppose your mental health will recover overnight. But your prospects of recovery are far, far better without this controlling, abusive man in your life.

2chocolateoranges · 05/09/2026 16:22

gimmeshelta · 05/09/2026 15:48

I’m a woman for those asking.

His issue is that I agreed not to lock the bathroom door and then did. He said I should have told him then and there that I would not be locking the door. Because now I’ve betrayed his trust.

I just tried to ask him why he wants the door unlocked - are you concerned what I’m doing? Want to support me? Feel like I’m making myself feel worse? His response “because I asked you to”

You have the right to privacy
you have the right to do what’s best to makes you feel safe
you have the right to change your mind at any time.

he is being abusive.

tell him to fuck off if he isn’t happy with you making your own choices.

Mandy54321 · 05/09/2026 16:22

I think your mental health issues will improve massively when you get away from this horrible man.

Bogstandardname · 05/09/2026 16:21

I would go and stay with family if you can. Tell them exactly what he is like. You can then decide how you want your future to be. I am hoping there are no children involved. He is a bully and an abuser. I suspect when you leave him he will show his true colours to all and it won't be pretty. Stand your ground, bullies hate it when you stand up to them.

LateLifeReturnee · 05/09/2026 16:21

HoppityBun · 05/09/2026 15:23

He sound deranged

Absolutely.

I cannot under any circumstances think my husband would ever shout at me because I locked the bathroom door. It is insane.

And he knows you are particularly vulnerable at the moment.

MyArtfulGreySloth · 05/09/2026 16:20

He’s an abusive piece of shit! His behaviour is not normal at all op.

plsbekinddelicate · 05/09/2026 16:20

Women’s Aid OP. He’s an abusive CUNextTuesday. DH locks the bathroom door when he’s on the loo or in the shower. I don’t - working in healthcare you see it all, it never occurs to me. DS usually leaves the door wide open. Not one of us pulls the other one up in our choices.

opalfruits76 · 05/09/2026 16:20

This is not okay. Is he abusive in other ways?

Calliopespa · 05/09/2026 16:18

He's a control freak.

diddl · 05/09/2026 16:18

His response “because I asked you to”

He means "told" doesn't he?

YourWildAmberSloth · 05/09/2026 16:17

No wonder you have PTSD and poor mental health - you husband is controlling and toxic. Forbidding you from lock the bathroom door is not okay, except for in exceptional circumstances. In fact, forbidding you to do most things is an issue. The fact that he is now screaming at you because of it - sounds like an abusive relationship. Betrayal of trust? He sounds unhinged.

OneSparklyGoat · 05/09/2026 16:16

TheBrunswick · 05/09/2026 16:14

How does he even know It’s locked?
Did he need to use the toilet or is he checking up on you?
This isn’t normal @gimmeshelta , your dh is abusive and controlling.

I wondered this also. We wouldn’t know in our house if the door was locked. It’s obvious when one of us is in there and we’d not be trying it out.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 05/09/2026 16:15

Your husband is an abusive bastard and I would bet good money that your mental health would improve dramatically if he fucked off out of your life for good.

TheBrunswick · 05/09/2026 16:14

How does he even know It’s locked?
Did he need to use the toilet or is he checking up on you?
This isn’t normal @gimmeshelta , your dh is abusive and controlling.

Alucard55 · 05/09/2026 16:13

You don't need to explain yourself to him. You say I'll look the door if I want. End of debate.

Mykneesareshot · 05/09/2026 16:13

That is a harrowing post OP. You need to seek professional advice mentally and a DA helpline. You ARE being abused. Please seek help and/or leave asap.

Error404FucksNotFound · 05/09/2026 16:12

This is abuse.

mathanxiety · 05/09/2026 16:11

gimmeshelta · 05/09/2026 15:29

I categorically have never and will never self harm. Hes not concerned about this. In fact, he’d told me he’d leave me if I did this

This is so cruel.

Please seek support from Women's Aid.

Ohnobackagain · 05/09/2026 16:11

No wonder you are stressed. Everyone is entitled to lock the door when in the bathroom. Does he want to come in? Is he not able to wait like a normal person @gimmeshelta sounds like he is overly controlling. I wonder what, in his past, got him fixated on not locking the door. Does he lock it when he is in there?

BoredZelda · 05/09/2026 16:11

gimmeshelta · 05/09/2026 15:48

I’m a woman for those asking.

His issue is that I agreed not to lock the bathroom door and then did. He said I should have told him then and there that I would not be locking the door. Because now I’ve betrayed his trust.

I just tried to ask him why he wants the door unlocked - are you concerned what I’m doing? Want to support me? Feel like I’m making myself feel worse? His response “because I asked you to”

Leave. This is controlling behaviour.