AIBU to lock the bathroom door despite my husband's objection?

Agree that getting out of this relationship will lead to many of your mental health issues resolving

My heart breaks for any woman living like this. It's awful. Please, please leave him OP.

You cannot stay with someone who is abusing you like this. Set yourself free. There's a happier, safer, calmer life out there for you: go and get it.

I'm always shocked people live like this, if it's true. Of course it's not normal and you should leave him.

It’s very obvious that your husband is extremely controlling and abusive. His behaviour is horrific and not normal. He is abusing you and you sound very vulnerable.

my usual question(s) here. What does he bring to enrich your life or support your mental health and why do you stay?

I am so sorry OP that you are married to this dreadful man.
You seriously need to make steps to leave. No wonder you are so fragile. As a pp mentioned up thread, please call Women’s Aid.

He sounds controlling and has a quick temper. He is adding to your stress. You both need some mediation therapy.

This is abuse

Have you written about this before ? If not it’s horrifying that another man is dictating whether or not you can lock the bathroom door .

Where else is he trying to control you? There will be more.

Think of the relief you'll feel, and how peaceful your life will be, once you're free of this horrible man. 💐

He's quite blatantly abusive and controlling. Just tell him that it's entirely your decision whether or not to lock the door. If he says you agreed not to lock the door, say that you've thought it over and you don't consider it a reasonable request ("Because I asked you to" is a ridiculous reason for him to give). If he says again that you're not even sorry, you could say that of course you're not sorry because you did nothing wrong.

But the larger issue isn't locking the bathroom door. It's his abusive behaviour. Get the hell out of this relationship ASAP.

Unless your dh is definitely definitely definitely is not worried about you killing yourself, he is a weirdo. It could actually be either real love and worry - or abusive control. I remember how I was worried about a loved one - constantly checking on them - if they were in the shower for longer than usual, I would barge in - the loved one was very ill. I was not worried about them doing anything to themselves, I would immediately think - they are there, dying on the floor and here I am in the living room....

You are not listening you need to leave, he has no right to tell you anything , if he says to you that you agree to have sex with him everyday and then you dont and then screams in your face that you broke yout promise thats not ok, this isnt 50 shades of grey no one tells someone else what to do or gets them to agree to a contract ie you agreed to keep the bathroom door open, cant you see how mad that sounds

Do you have more than one bathroom? If he needs in, I can get he's upset (not that it excuses screaming).
Or does he know people who have self-harmed? Again, it doesn't make screaming ok, but sometimes stress/worry manifests as anger.

I have always locked the door. We all do. Love a bit of privacy

I have always locked the door. We all do. Love a bit of privacy

I once seriously injured myself in the bathroom- slipped in the shower and landed in such a way that I knocked myself out and broke my collarbone. My DH heard me thud to the ground but because the door was locked he couldn’t get in, and because I was unconscious I couldn’t let him in. When I came to he was very stressed and from that moment on we agreed we would always have the bathroom door unlocked.

However even with that backstory if I forgot and locked the door (or even changed my mind and decided I wanted some more privacy!) he would never in a million years shout at or abuse me about it.

Your husband is a nasty piece of work, and I bet this is just the tip of the iceberg of his behaviour. Get out NOW.

He's already made her sell her car because that was a safe space (and one she could use to escape him). Now he's enraged because she could lock him out and call the Police from the bathroom.

That's what he thinks she's doing in there - being able to protect herself from him.

He might try to twist into the 'being proactive' by giving her no place to hide will force her to 'get over' her trauma, but the fundamental is that he is angry that she was protecting herself albeit subconsciously.

Your DH controlling and nasty behaviour is likely massively impacting your mental health.

What on earth does he think you're doing in there?!

Even a psych patient on section is often allowed to lock the bathroom door even if they are a risk of harming themselves. Because dignity matters.

The bathroom is private and by default the door should be locked. If someone chooses not to then that's ok but they run the risk of being walked in on. Which most people wouldn't enjoy.

You need to leave this person he's not right if he thinks that's normal.

Please make plans and stick to them to leave. I rarely say that as often it’s hard to fully understand a relationship but this is pure control.

Im sure every answer will be the same but here goes, yes hes very controlling and yes you need to leave but you already know this? No man ever ever ever has the right to tell you what to do and this is extreme control and gaslighting,.he tells you not to lock the door and lets you know with the threat of violence and control that if you lock the door he will use anger and violence towards you, why does he want the bathroom door open

...you belong to him your body belongs to him, it is not yours, it is not your body

...he thinks you are masturbating but you are not allowed to as your body belongs to him

...he 100% knows you are taking naked photos of yourself and sending them to other men( because abusive men always believe you are the one being unfaithful)

..and its my house i will dam well go where i want , if i want to come in and use the loo whilst you are in the bath i will my home my rules, you dont matter, know your place etc etc

You do need to leave but keep locking the door in the bathroom and take your phone and record him kicking off and go to the police

He is abusive in other ways? This is extremely abnormal. I don’t bother always locking the door if it’s just my DH around but I cannot imagine a world where he would object to me locking the door. I’m wondering how else he might be controlling and whether that’s impacting your mental health.

OP I am really sorry you have PTSD and whatever led to that.

It is perfectly normal for married couples to lock the bathroom door
It is controlling and jealous t(and deranged) o be suspicious about what you might be doing in there

It is controlling to force you to make promises over something like that

It is abusive to blame you for not recovering form PTSD

It is abusive to shout at you like that

It is normal to lock the door when alone in the house. I lock the bathroom door when I shower and am alone in the house because in the (highly unlikely) event of an intruder I do not want them to easily get to me when I am naked. Women tend to feel vulnerable when naked or clothing removed for the toilet etc

Do you have any professional support for your PTSD? I think it would really help for you to have some RL support. You are living with an angry, unreasonable bullying and abusive man and I don't see how that can do anything but make your PTSD worse, and it is no way to live.

I understand that it is difficult coming to terms with how bad this is, and doubly so because you come to realise that the person who you thought would love you and look after you is the person who is a danger to you, in emotional and psychological terms.

Seek out Women's Aid or other local women's support charities and organisations - some councils run service. Abuse comes in many forms, not dost DV.

The women's aid website is informative. It may be hard to get through on the phone.