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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to lock the bathroom door despite my husband's objection?

462 replies

gimmeshelta · 05/09/2026 15:18

DH is currently screaming at me because I went back on my word that I wouldn’t lock the bathroom door.

I’ve been under a lot of stress recently and have a diagnosis of ptsd. I need to find safe spaces when I’m triggered by something. It used to be in my car but I’ve sold it because we’re struggling financially. I broke down to my DH on Wednesday evening and said I was really struggling. DH hasn’t been the most supportive and has said my mental health issues are due to me not being proactive enough - despite the fact I hold down a household, a full time job and exercise to help myself.

Anyway, he’s always had an issue with me locking the bathroom door. He said married couples don’t need privacy when showering or on the toilet and has been suspicious of what I’m doing in there. I mentioned that I find it a safe space to cry and regulate myself (usually after a shower).

After a lengthy conversation he made me promise not to lock the bathroom door. There are no safety concerns about me locking the door - I don’t and have never self harmed, I’m not suicidal etc. I just like privacy. He told me he’d be angry if I locked the door again. So I just agreed not to.

Today I got a shower and forgot about the not locking the door rule. He was out but came back when I was getting out.

He screamed at me, said I’m not a “man of my word” and that I lied to him. I told him it was an automatic action and I’d just forgot. I asked why it was so important it was unlocked - was he worried about me etc? He said no, I asked you to do something, you agreed and then didn’t do it. I said I didn’t want to shower with an open door and he said this was weird

I’ve asked why it’s so important to him but he keeps screaming “you’re not even sorry”

Aibu?

OP posts:
Comtesse · 05/09/2026 17:56

I cannot think of one good reason for him to behave like that. I am not surprised you feel unsafe - I wouldn’t either and I don’t have PTSD.

khakipant · 05/09/2026 17:54

You’ll probably find that your symptoms ease off significantly when you dump this boundary crossing and controlling man!

AltitudeCheck · 05/09/2026 17:51

Guarentee your MH will benefit and ptsd triggers will reduce if you can leave this abusive, aggressive man.

Alittlefrustrated · 05/09/2026 17:48

LydiaJayne · 05/09/2026 17:42

OK, and?

You aren't the OP, you doing something different isn't relevant, she is being abused

If at all possible I suggest you start thinking about how to get away from this awful man OP

Agreed. Before having DS we didn't even shut the doors. That's irrelevant. DS and OP want to, and have the right too.

DowntonAbby · 05/09/2026 17:45

We do not lock the bathroom door. However, a closed bathroom or toilet door in our house is treated as if it is locked, there is absolutely no way anyone, child or adult would open that door without knocking and waiting for permission to enter.

Your husband is insisting that the door be left unlocked is abusive. How did he know it was locked? I presume he tries to enter the room.

He is trying to deny you the right to privacy.

Alittlefrustrated · 05/09/2026 17:43

My DP tried this with our son (He wouldn't go in but doesn't want it locked). I made it very clear he was unreasonable and DS has every right to lock it if he wants to. DS locks the door. If this comes up again DP will feel the full force of my wrath. It's very controlling and also anxiety inducing for the person who prefers a locked door.
Stand up for yourself OP, or leave if that's too difficult.

6784xx · 05/09/2026 17:42

Please watch The Pastor's Wife on Netflx with him

He sounds exactly like Mica's controlling, arrogant, weirdo husband

GodIhatethepatriarcy · 05/09/2026 17:42

What a cunt he is

LydiaJayne · 05/09/2026 17:42

Mooselove · 05/09/2026 17:09

Neither me or DH have ever locked the bathroom door in 46 years of marriage. Just do not see the need.

OK, and?

You aren't the OP, you doing something different isn't relevant, she is being abused

If at all possible I suggest you start thinking about how to get away from this awful man OP

thepariscrimefiles · 05/09/2026 17:42

Mooselove · 05/09/2026 17:09

Neither me or DH have ever locked the bathroom door in 46 years of marriage. Just do not see the need.

So what? You may not want privacy but other people do. OP's DH is obviously controlling and abusive.

wiredandtired · 05/09/2026 17:39

Mooselove · 05/09/2026 17:09

Neither me or DH have ever locked the bathroom door in 46 years of marriage. Just do not see the need.

Whether you do or not, it's a bit weird/ controlling to make a thing of it.

It's just not a thing that really matters at all (obviously outside of self harm/ suicide risks).

Mooselove · 05/09/2026 17:34

WindsorGreatPark · 05/09/2026 17:30

So what? OP does. She wants privacy. Her husband wants to remove her right to it.

I agree that if OP wants to lock the door she should be able to. I just find it odd that so many posters say they lock the door, Would never occur to me or DH to lock the door

UnctuousUnicorns · 05/09/2026 17:33

Mooselove · 05/09/2026 17:09

Neither me or DH have ever locked the bathroom door in 46 years of marriage. Just do not see the need.

Well that's just fine and dandy - if you are both happy with it. The OP is not, so it's not fine and dandy for her.

Beattie121 · 05/09/2026 17:33

gimmeshelta · 05/09/2026 15:29

I categorically have never and will never self harm. Hes not concerned about this. In fact, he’d told me he’d leave me if I did this

He just sounds worse. Please consider leaving this wanker

Barney16 · 05/09/2026 17:31

So he's playing you and playing with you. Locking the bathroom door is a non issue, which he has made an issue and escalated by saying oh you said you wouldn't. Tell him to do one and I bet you will be amazed by how much better you feel. Life is too short to subject yourself to someone so toxic.

WindsorGreatPark · 05/09/2026 17:30

Mooselove · 05/09/2026 17:09

Neither me or DH have ever locked the bathroom door in 46 years of marriage. Just do not see the need.

So what? OP does. She wants privacy. Her husband wants to remove her right to it.

ErrolTheDragon · 05/09/2026 17:29

Mooselove · 05/09/2026 17:09

Neither me or DH have ever locked the bathroom door in 46 years of marriage. Just do not see the need.

Do you have ptsd and need a ‘safe space’? Hmm

RJMacReady · 05/09/2026 17:27

This is domestic abuse. No wonder you have PTSD. Contact Women's Aid or the National Domestic Abuse helpline.

Smallbrowndog · 05/09/2026 17:27

He's nasty and this isn't going to change.

I think you need to leave him.

TheAvidWriter · 05/09/2026 17:26

OP this is not about whether you lock that door or not, its about control. And he wants that control.

What do you know about domestic abuse, or abusive behaviour?

No wonder you have ptsd. Does he look at your internet history?

Ever adult I know, whether they are in a relationship or not, lock their doors when going to the loo. Its normal. What your DH is saying and doing is not normal. He wants to control you and mess with your head, he is gaslighting you into believing you are wrong, and he is right.

I would take a closer look at his actions and make an exit plan form this marriage.

Mumoftwoandcats · 05/09/2026 17:23

Flipflopflipflapper · 05/09/2026 15:21

Wow Op… this is not ok at all!
You have every right to lock that door and the fact that he’s getting mad at you is abusive. Is he controlling in other ways too?

This! We are all entitled to our privacy, especially in the loo!

SecretDressAgent · 05/09/2026 17:23

So he has given you a clear and direct order to not lock the door.
He offers no reason for his order. When you inadvertent locked the door he reacted in a very extreme way.
This is abuse. LTB

Dery · 05/09/2026 17:21

If you’re suffering from trauma, it sounds like he will retraumatise you. You’re absolutely entitled to lock the bathroom door on him. He sounds very problematic. Do you have children together?

Mmhmmn · 05/09/2026 17:16

If you get rid of your husband, I suspect a lot of your anxieties will go with him. He sounds horrible. Honestly. I’d bet you’d feel 5 stones lighter without him breathing down your neck.

Mischance · 05/09/2026 17:15

After a lengthy conversation he made me promise not to lock the bathroom door.

He made you promise - how did he make you do this? Are you not able to safely say no to him?

Definitely ring Women's Aid.